33 funny clever quotes that’ll amuse you

Are you looking for some funny clever quotes, dear reader? Well, I’ve curated 33 little gems that will amuse you. Certainly, they made me smile.

If you like good quotes, you’ll love some of these on offer today.

These are some of my favourite quotes of all time.

So, take a few moments to read them all and please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Enjoy!

Funny clever quotes (1-20):

  1. I saw a stationery store move. ~Jay London
  2. I never said most of the things I said. ~Yogi Berra
  3. Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. ~Erma Bombeck
  4. What’s another word for Thesaurus? ~Steve Wright
  5. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. ~Katharine Hepburn
  6. I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde
  7. It’s simple if it jiggles, it’s fat. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
  8. I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. ~Charles M. Schulz
  9. Only the mediocre are always at their best. ~Jean Giraudoux
  10. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. ~Woody Allen
  11. Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity. ~Thor Heyerdahl
  12. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis
  13. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West
  14. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
  15. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~Mark Twain
  16. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
  17. Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  18. Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. ~Alexander Woollcott
  19. Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. ~Luis Bunuel
  20. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. ~Mitch Hedberg

Funny clever quotes (21-33):

  1. Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive. ~Elbert Hubbard
  2. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. ~Bertrand Russell
  3. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ~Henry Kissinger
  4. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~Fred Allen
  5. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~Jules Renard
  6. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
  7. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. ~Rodney Dangerfield
  8. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~Isaac Asimov
  9. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin
  10. We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. ~W. H. Auden
  11. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~George Bernard Shaw
  12. My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
  13. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner

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27 quotes to inspire you to greatness and beyond

To achieve greatness we all need a little inspiration we can refer to frequently. So here are 27 quotes to inspire you to greatness.

Feel free to bookmark this page and refer to them as often as necessary.


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15 funny quotes to gladden your heart

FUNNY QUOTESI’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love quotes. And I’m always on the lookout for great quotes, and particularly funny quotes.

Many great quotes have influenced my own personal philosophy.

Others have been really useful as a means for reinforcing messages in presentations.

And then there are those that just make me smile.

I’m referring to those funny quotes that resonate with me, whilst offering a germ truth within the underlying wit.

So here are 15 funny quotes to gladden your heart and make you smile.

Enjoy them all. Certainly, I did.

Funny Quotes:

  1. In my defence, I was left unsupervised.
  2. I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  3. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  4. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  5. If I won an award for laziness, I’d send someone else to pick it up.
  6. I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
  7. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
  8. The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.
  9. I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
  10. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
  11. Life has no hands but it can still give you a slap in the face sometimes.
  12. Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then it’s just suspicious.
  13. Having great power is wonderful until you get the electricity bill.
  14. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you’d like to punch in the face.
  15. Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. ~Author Unknown

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How is success achieved? Could this be the secret?

How is success achieved? Certainly many desire it but few achieve it. Why is that do you think dear reader?

Could it be all about your mindset? Can your thinking have an impact on whether you succeed or not?

In the embedded video, Carrie Green suggests that your mindset matters.

Programming your mind for success:

This is an inspirational talk on success by Ms Carrie Green, who gave it at TEDxManchester.

Her underlying message is that success is never achieved by accident.

I’d not heard Carrie Green speak before I stumbled on this video but I must say I’m very impressed.

If you can spare a few minutes then this video is well worth a little piece of your time. I’m confident that you won’t be disappointed. Recommended.

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Why you should put something away for a rainy day

Dear Reader, have you ever considered why you should put something away for a rainy day?

When you’re doing well and have a good income, it’s easy to imagine that the good times will go on forever and you can enjoy it all with the expectation that money will continue to flow in your direction without interruption.

But life’s not like that. Into every life, some rain will fall, as the saying goes.

Good times don’t last forever. Life tends to be cyclical, like the changing of the seasons.

The time to repair your roof is when the sun is shining, for winter will have its day and we must be prepared for inclement weather.

Savings matter:

When you get paid each month you must set some money aside, separated into three accounts, as follows:

You must be prepared to pay those bills that come in regularly; you must be ready for an emergency. Equally, you must start creating wealth, so that one day you’ll be able to retire.

Bill Payment:

You cannot live in the modern age without incurring bills.

Whether it’s utility bills, phone bills, TV subscriptions, mortgage payments or rent, credit card payments, food bills, repayments on a car loan, et cetera. You must set money aside to pay all those bills when they fall due.

Emergency Account:

As the saying goes, stuff happens.

And when stuff happens you must be prepared to deal with it. You must have an emergency fund you can tap into to deal with emergency repairs or even an unexpected interruption to your income. These things do happen.

Financial Freedom:

When you’re young, it’s easy to think that you’ll keep on working, if you must, to earn an income.

However, trust me, one day you will want to retire from work, or at least from the daily grind.

If you are to retire you will need some wealth.

The best time to start building wealth is when you’re young.

Start a 401K or pension whilst you’re young, pay into it regularly and with some luck and good financial management, you can enjoy a comfortable old age.

By starting young you will benefit from the magic of compounding. The impact of compound interest should not be underestimated.

Remember; it will rain:

Think of life in terms of the seasons and prepare accordingly.

Most people experience hard times at some point in their lives, particularly when they’re young.

You can be sure it will rain; the only question is when.

You will be able to weather the storm a lot better if you have a financial cushion in the form of some savings.

If you are lucky enough to have an income now, you’d do well to remember to put some of your income away for a rainy day.

It’s easy to squander your money thinking the good times will never end.

However, nothing lasts forever. So, my advice is, to be prepared.

Why you should put something away for a rainy day

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7 inspirational quotes about life to get you thinking

Whether we like it or not, life happens to us all.

However, you shouldn’t just let it happen. Ideally, you should be in control. You only get one life, so you have to make sure it’s the life you want.

I firmly believe that life’s what you make it.

There will be times when you cannot be in control, for whatever reason, but being in control should always be your aim.

Not only should you be in control, but you should also be doing those things at which you excel and that you enjoy doing too.

Do the things you’re good at and you’ll have a real chance of success, particularly if you’re determined and you work hard.

The most important thing to remember is that you’ll have just this one life, so you have to live your own life in your own way. Only you can know what’s right for you. You’re the captain of your own ship and you decide where it goes.

Listen not to those who seek to constrain your ambitions, with reasons why you shouldn’t try. Instead, you must listen to your inner self when your instinct says, “I can do this!”

It matters not whether others think you can, as long as you believe you can.

Life’s not a dress rehearsal. It’s the only life you’re going to experience. So make sure you enjoy the experience.

Yes, there’ll be tough times but make sure there are good times too. You won’t live forever but you can make sure you live right now.

Here are 7 inspirational quotes about life which should get you thinking a little.

Inspirational quotes about life:

  1. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. ~Omar Khayyam
  2. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ~Lao Tzu
  3. Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living? ~Bob Marley
  4. The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride and nothing is guaranteed. ~Eminem
  5. If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. ~Bill Clinton
  6. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. ~Joseph Campbell
  7. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~Helen Hayes

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7 inspirational quotes about love to help you reflect

We all need love and we need to feel love, wouldn’t you agree dear reader?

Human beings are emotional and social creatures and we all need other people.

We need a sense that we matter to other people. And of course, other people matter to us too. Our family, our friends and our loved ones.

We feel love for those who matter to us and our greatest love is for that special person who matters most.

Our greatest love is felt for that person in whose company we always feel a sense of contentment.

If you’ve found that special person then perhaps you should get down on your knees and thank God for the privilege because you’re lucky indeed. Not everyone is quite so lucky.

Here are 7 inspirational quotes about love to help you reflect on this complex emotion.

However, remember this; love alone won’t sustain a relationship.

That requires hard work and being prepared to compromise, frequently.

Nevertheless, without love, a relationship has no chance at all.

If you truly love someone, you’ll want what’s best for them and you’ll be prepared to set aside your own needs occasionally to ensure that their needs are being satisfied too.

In a successful relationship, all parties must feel their needs are respected and being met, at least most of the time.

Love means you can’t have your own way all of the time.

Inspirational quotes about love:

  1. Where there is love there is life. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  2. There’s only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved. ~George Sand
  3. A flower cannot blossom without sunshine and man cannot live without love. ~Max Muller
  4. Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. ~H Jackson Brown, Jr
  5. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. ~Oscar Wilde
  6. The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. ~Audrey Hepburn
  7. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. ~Ann Landers

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5 secret steps to tackling life and achieving success

If you’re looking for a formula for achieving success, dear reader, then I think you’ll find this blog post useful.

Many desire success but few really achieve it. So it’s useful to study successful people, identify their approaches and use them as role models. If something worked for them then it might just work for you.

In the embedded video, Hollywood legend, movie star, two-term Governor of California and former Mr Universe, Arnold Schwarzenegger shares his five secret steps to tackling life and achieving success.

Essentially these are his five rules to excel at whatever you choose to do.

He has an interesting story to tell and his story proves that no obstacle is too big to overcome and no vision, too big to achieve if you’re determined enough and you’re prepared to work hard.

Change the world:

To summarise Arnold Schwarzenegger’s rules, they are:-

  1. Find your vision and follow it;
  2. Never, ever think small;
  3. Ignore the Naysayers;
  4. Work your ass off; and
  5. Don’t just take, give something back.

However, if you listen to Arnold’s story, his burning desire was to move to the United States and become a big star. This was his reason why.

Initially, he had no idea how to achieve that goal but a little piece of good fortune came his way.

Arnold happened to read an article in a magazine about a man just like him who achieved just what he wanted to achieve. The article explained how the man did it and Arnold used that success template as the basis for pursuing his own goal.

Identify successful people and do what they did:

Once he knew his ‘why?‘, Arnold Schwarzenegger just needed to work out a way to get there. Knowing your ‘why?‘ will always, eventually, lead you to your ‘how?’.

Once Arnold knew his purpose and his passion, he was always going to find a way to achieve success. His determination and his willingness to do whatever was necessary saw to that.

Had he not been lucky enough to identify a role model through a magazine article, something else would have guided him because that’s the nature of life. When you’re searching for something you’ll tune in to all the little clues you need.

Once you know your ‘why?’, you develop a keen sense of that subject and everyone else involved.

Trust yourself:

If you know your why then you’ll have the drive and determination to pursue your goal.

Nothing happens by accident of course. You must make it happen.

So figure out for yourself what it is you really, really want. What would make you happy? What would you regard as a real achievement?

Then find a role model.

Someone who’s done what you want to do. Identify how they did it and copy what they’ve done. If their approach worked for them, it can work for you.

Avoid distractions:

If you want to be successful then don’t allow ‘time sucks’ to throw you off course.

Television and social media are the biggest time wasters of all. So avoid them.

Time is a precious resource and successful people don’t waste it. So if you want to be successful, don’t waste your time either. Put every minute to good use.

Know your ‘Why?’

The key message today, both from this article and the embedded video, is that you must know your ‘why?’.

That’s the starting point for success.

So if you’ve yet to do that then I suggest that’s where you start, if you want to be successful.

And remember this; if not you, who? If not now, when?

Achieving success is possible and people do it all the time. So can you, if you’re determined and prepared to work hard enough to get it.

Good luck.

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The secret to happiness that everyone should know

If you’re reading this blog post, dear reader, perhaps you’ve been searching for the secret to happiness. If you have, you’re not alone. Many people search, but few find real happiness.

However, if happiness is what you seek, allow me to enlighten you.

Money’s not the answer:

When you hear news of someone winning big on a lottery, do you ever think that you’d be so much happier if only you could win big too? You’d be happy, if only you had a lot of money, right?

Certainly, having money can make life comfortable. There’s no question about that. And who wouldn’t want to be comfortable?

Having money can allow you to do all sorts of things you couldn’t do otherwise. Live in a nice house; wear the finest clothes; drive a nice car; and travel first class to exotic places.

However, there’s one thing that money cannot do for you. It cannot make you happy. It’s a fact that having a lot of money by itself can never make you happy. There are plenty of very wealthy people who are miserable.

Happiness is a state of mind:

It is also a fact that if you aren’t happy without money, then suddenly gaining a lot of money will not change the way you feel. If anything, its impact on your life will probably make you even less happy.

Happiness is a state of mind. It’s the capacity to appreciate life for what it is and not what you think you’d like it to be. It’s being content with what you have, whatever that is.

Happiness is a positive mental attitude, a willingness to see the good side of every situation, regardless of how bad it might be in reality, a determination to enjoy the moment, and being comfortable in your own skin.

Work towards creating your pot of gold, by all means, dear reader, but in doing so, never lose sight of what matters most.

The period of human life is short, and it goes by in the blink of an eye.

Yesterday has gone, and you may never know tomorrow. The here and now are the only certainties you have.

This moment is your life, so you must find a way to enjoy every moment. Get the most out of them all. For, as we say, where I come from, you’ll be a long time dead.

The secret to happiness:

Enjoy simple, inexpensive pleasures like having a laugh or a coffee with a friend. That’s when you’ll be happiest. That’s how memories are made, too.

Accept that your life will be full of challenges, which is what makes it all interesting.

And recognise that by having to respond to challenges, you are growing as a person. So it makes sense to respond to every challenge with enthusiasm because you can only win, ultimately. Either you’ll succeed, or you’ll learn a lesson.

And remember this too: as your life passes, you won’t remember those expensive shoes you bought or the latest gadget, but you will remember the experiences you had with the people who mattered most to you.

Enjoy life for what it is and don’t fret about what it isn’t. The secret to happiness is contentment.

If you can be happy without money, then having money will be a bonus.

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Why enjoying yourself can never be a waste of time

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a great believer in making the most of your time.

In particular, a constant message from me is that you should not waste your time. However, as with everything, it is important to strike a balance, of course.

As the late John Lennon reminds us in his observation above, truly enjoying yourself can never be a waste of time.

Enjoying yourself and having fun have positive benefits for your physical and mental health.

For a start, it reduces stress.

Also, what would be the point of life if you couldn’t have a little fun occasionally? All work and no play will make you a very dull person indeed.

Remember the words in that old Music Hall song, “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think. Enjoy yourself while you’re still in the pink.”

For any reader not familiar with the expression ‘in the pink‘, it’s British slang for being in a good state of health.

You can’t be serious all the time, dear reader.

Sometimes you’ve just got to have some fun.

So go on, and start having some fun right now. You know you want to.

Enjoying-Yourself
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