19 funny jokes to tell your friends

02/06/2025 by

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

You’ll always have friends if you can entertain people and tell a joke or two. We all love to laugh, and someone amusing is immediately likeable. So, to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Funny jokes to tell your friends (1-10)

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.

Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory, but it was sole destroying.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends (11-19)

I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.

My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.

A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.

A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

WIFE: Pack your bags; I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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So, dear reader, did you enjoy these funny jokes to tell your friends? Were they as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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5 seriously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

03/16/2024 by

If you’re searching for some seriously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got five here just for you which I’m sure will make you laugh.

They all made me laugh, so I hope you enjoy them too.

Seriously funny jokes:

1. Bell ringer wanted:

Quasimodo placed an advertisement in the local newspaper for an assistant bell ringer.

Unfortunately, there was just one applicant for the job. What was even more unfortunate was that the man applying for the job had no arms.

Quasimodo looked him up and down and then asked quizzically, “How will you be able to do what will be required of you?”

“Let me show you,” said the man, who then proceeded to run at the bell and strike it with his head.

“Well, that’s incredible!” exclaimed an astonished Quasimodo. “Could you show me that again?”

“Sure, I can,” said the man, and once again he ran at the bell but this time he missed and fell straight out of the bell tower to his death on the ground below.

A crowd gathered around the corpse lying on the ground. A police officer quickly appeared on the scene and asked, “Can anyone identify this poor man?”

Quasimodo responded, “I don’t know his name, but his face rings a bell.”

2. Mrs Kelly’s parrot:

Father Malone was new to his Brooklyn parish, and he was visiting one of his parishioners, a little old lady.

Sitting in her living room with a cup of tea, he looked around and noticed she had a pet parrot, which had ribbons tied to each leg.

Father Malone looked for a moment and then he politely enquired, “Mrs Kelly, why does your parrot have ribbons tied to its legs?”

Mrs Kelly smiled and said, “Well believe or not Father, if I pull the left ribbon he’ll sing ‘Yankee Doodle Dandy’, and if I pull the right one he’ll sing, ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ for me.”

“Really? That’s impressive Mrs Kelly,” responded the priest. “And what happens if you pull both ribbons together?”

“I’ll fall off the bloody perch!” said the parrot.

3. Lesson learned:

Rick and Mike are two graduate students browsing the oldest part of their college library. They are looking through some musty old shelves in the Special Collection, in the hope they can find something meaningful that will add value to their dissertations.

As he’s browsing one shelf, Rick pulls out a particularly old-looking volume, and when he opens it, a genie pops out. “Thank you for freeing me from that book,” says the genie. “As a reward, I will grant you one wish. You can have either great wealth, great beauty, or great wisdom. What’s your preference?“

Rick’s a PhD student, so he thinks wisdom will be his best choice.

“I’ll have great wisdom, please,” says Rick.

“It’s yours!” says the genie. With that, he snaps his fingers, and there’s a Poof! sound and the genie disappears in a flash.

Rick is left stunned with a look of wonder in his eyes.

Now, Mike has been watching this unfold and can’t quite believe what he’s seen. Breaking the silence between the two of them, Mike says, “So, go on buddy, share some wisdom with me!”

Rick looks down at the book he’s holding, looks back up again, blinks and then says, sadly, “I should have taken great wealth.”

4. Know your own mind:

After his sermon on the challenges of dealing with a controlling personality, Father O’Malley said to the men in his congregation, “If you know that your wife is controlling you, step forward.”

Every man in the congregation stepped forward except Bert.  

Father O’Malley smiled because at least he had one strong, confident man in his congregation.

“Now, Bert,” Father O’Malley continued, “tell us why you were unwilling to step forward.”

Bert quietly replied, “Because my wife said I would regret it if I did.”

5. The tap-dancing duck:

A circus owner walked into a bar in Wyoming where everyone inside was crowded around one table.

In the middle of this table was an upturned flower pot with a duck tap dancing on top of it.

Everyone was cheering at the duck’s antics and the circus owner, having a good nose for a crowd-pleaser, thought this was an attraction he should grab with both hands. So immediately he bought both the duck and the flower pot from the bar’s owner for $1,000.

He took the duck back to his circus and promoted his new attraction heavily. Well, it wasn’t long before people were coming from miles around eager to catch a glimpse of the tap-dancing duck.

Sadly there was a widespread disappointment because the duck simply refused to perform. It wouldn’t dance a single step.

Naturally, the circus owner was angry and he returned to the bar immediately with the duck to complain to the man who sold it to him, the bar’s owner.

“This duck’s a fraud,” complained the circus owner, “He won’t dance a single step for me!”

“That’s very odd,” said the bar owner. “Did you remember to light the candle under the flower pot?”

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Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, were these seriously funny jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so.

If they made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for being so supportive.

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7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

08/23/2023 by

SERIOUSLY FUNNY JOKESWe all need a good laugh every day. So here are 7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. You’ll howl laughing.

Take a few moments, relax, and enjoy them all. Feel free to share them with your friends.

Seriously funny jokes:

1. The storm:

Navy admiral, Jim Lorenzo, and Army general, Mike Cunningham, were fishing together on a lake when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Both men were left floundering helplessly in the water momentarily.

Eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber onto it.

General Cunningham then extended an oar out to Admiral Lorenzo getting him to hang on to it, pulling him in, and thereby saving him from almost certain drowning.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he puffed, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

“Don’t worry,” said General Cunningham, “your secret’s safe with me buddy. I’d hate my men to find out that I couldn’t walk on water either.”

2. Chicken in the library:

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

So the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

Once again the librarian handed the chicken another book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again. Once again it marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, and then said, “Book, book, book, book.”

The librarian handed the chicken a third book but this time she decided to follow the bird.

She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond just off Main Street, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.

The chicken showed the book to the frog but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it, read it, read it.”

3. Nine Steps to fitness for the over 60s:

  1. Stand on a firm surface, where there’s plenty of room on each side of you.
  2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there for as long as you can.
  3. Try to hold this position for a full minute, if possible, then relax.
  4. Each day, hold your arms in position for a few seconds longer each time.
  5. When you can achieve two full minutes, change to 10-lb potato bags.
  6. Repeat the process, until you achieve two full minutes again.
  7. Then try 50-lb potato bags and repeat the process.
  8. Eventually, try to lift 100-lb potato bags and repeat the process until you can hold the position for two minutes.
  9. Once you’re confident holding 100-lb bags, try the exercise again with a potato in each bag.

4. Teaching psychology:

The teacher welcomed his new English Literature class at the beginning of the academic year and then said, “This year, we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ by Chaucer.“

He allowed a few moments for the students to reflect on his comment.

“Now, one thing I must tell you,” the teacher continued, “in anticipation of a question I’m always asked, we will not be including ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale.”

“Why not?” asked a student at the front of the class.

“Because,” the teacher responded in an obviously disapproving manner, “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale is lascivious, licentious, and utterly improper, especially for students of your age. So, please open your copies to the General Prologue, and we’ll begin with that.“

At the next lesson, the teacher welcomed the class again and then said, “Right, students. Please open your copy of “The Canterbury Tales’ at ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale’. I am sure you will all have read this by now.“

5. Seeking help:

In a little village in the far north of Scotland, an elderly widow was living on her own, struggling to get by with just a small, State pension for income.

A very cold, hard winter had been forecast and, naturally, the old lady was worried that she wouldn’t be able to pay her heating bill, with gas becoming so expensive.

She had no family left, she was completely alone and had no one else able to help her.

So, she turned to God for help.

She decided to write a letter to God, in which she said, “Dear God, You’ll know that I’m on my own now since my late husband Jack died and you’ll also know that I have very little income. In your endless mercy, can you please send me £150 to pay my winter gas bill to help me survive by warming my little house during the bitterly cold winter nights ahead?”

Not having an address, the old lady simply addressed the envelope “To God” and then dropped it into her local post box.

The following morning the letter arrived in the local postal sorting office and, on seeing the address, the postal workers were unsure where to send it.

So, the supervisor opened the letter for more information, and on reading it, he felt genuine sympathy for this poor widow.

Being a decent man, he decided he would do something to help her.

So, he called all his colleagues together, explained this poor woman’s predicament, and requested they all dig deep into their pockets to raise money to help her.

This collection raised a total of £130, which was close enough, so the supervisor put the money into an envelope with a letter explaining that he hoped it would help her. The letter was signed “God” and addressed to the old lady.

A few days later, another letter addressed to God arrived at the postal sorting office.

The supervisor gathered his colleagues together before opening it, thinking the old lady would be conveying her gratitude.

It was not quite what they expected. It read, “Dear God, Thank you for the money. It was truly appreciated. However, you should be aware that those thieves in the postal sorting office had stolen £20 from the envelope.”

6. Priorities change:

Jack has been stranded on a small desert island for 10 years.

One day, he’s sitting on the beach, staring into the distance, when he spots something on the horizon.

He’s not quite sure what it is, because it’s not large and clearly not a boat or ship.

Nevertheless, he watches as it gets closer, until emerging from the surf, is a beautiful blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She walks up onto the beach, as Jack watches in amazement.

He’s struggling to compute the evidence before his eyes as the woman says to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?“

“It’s been 10 years,” Jack responds.

With that, the woman unzips a waterproof pocket in her wet suit and pulls out a fine Cuban cigar.

Jack puts it in his mouth, and she lights it for him. He takes a long drag, exhales, and then says, “Wow! That’s good!”

She smiles and then asks, “How long has it been since you last had a glass of the finest Scotch?”

Once again, Jack says, “It’s been 10 years.”

The woman unzips another waterproof pocket in her wet suit and pulls out a hip flask containing the finest 15-year-old Glenmorangie single malt whisky. She hands Jack the flask to take a swig.

“Oh, my,” says Jack, as he enjoys a swig, “that’s really good.”

At this point, the woman starts unzipping the front of her wet suit provocatively. As she’s doing so, she looks at him seductively and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve really had some fun?“

“Oh, my lord,” Jack responds, struggling to contain his excitement, “Don’t tell me you’ve brought a laptop with you as well?”

7. Unhappy sergeant:

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good,” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story, “Sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles but I am here now.”

Sergeant Wilson was sceptical about the soldier’s explanation but at least he’d made it back to camp. The sergeant thought about it momentarily and then decided he’d let the soldier off this time.

A couple of minutes later, eight more of Sergeant Wilson’s men ran up to the camp gates, panting heavily. The sergeant demanded explanations for why they were all late and each of them told the same story.

“Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles but I am here now,” each soldier repeated in turn.

Sergeant Wilson eyed them all suspiciously but since he’d decided to be lenient with the first soldier, he decided that it would only be fair to excuse them too.

A few minutes later the tenth and final soldier came running up to the camp gates, panting heavily.

“And where have you been?” snapped Sergeant Wilson.

The soldier quickly responded, “Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but….”

Sergeant Wilson interrupted him immediately, “Let me guess soldier. It broke down?”

“No, sir,” said the soldier, “There were so many dead horses on the road it took forever for the cab driver to find a way around them all.”

If you enjoyed these jokes, then please share them:

7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laughSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time dear reader?

If any of these seriously funny jokes made you laugh then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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6 funny long jokes that’ll make you smile

06/20/2023 by

FUNNY LONG JOKEsIf you like telling your friends funny long jokes and you’re looking for some ammunition then here are six good ones that should make your friends smile.

Funny long jokes:

1. A face at the window:

Bill and Bobby Joe were leaving their local bar one night after a session of heavy drinking.

They’re both staggering, and they fall into Bobby Joe’s station wagon and he starts it up.

With the engine running and Bobby Joe still fumbling around in the driver’s seat, suddenly the face of an old man appears in the window on the passenger side, and he’s tapping lightly on the window.

It is pitch black out there and being taken completely by surprise, naturally this spooks Bill. So in reaction, he screams, “Oh my God, there’s a ghost!”

Well, Bill’s remark spooks Bobby Joe too, so he puts his foot down and the station wagon begins to accelerate.

Bobby Joe can see the speedometer needle moving and yet, the face of the old man remains there in the window.

So Bill lowers the window and says, “What do you want, old man?”

“You got any tobacco?” the old man asks, softly.

Bill offers him a cigarette, and then shouts, “Step on the gas, Bobby Joe, and let’s get the hell out of here!”

Well, the speedometer on the station wagon is approaching 80, and Bobby Joe looks at it and says, “We’ll be fine, he can’t catch us now.”

Suddenly they hear the tapping on the window again, and it’s the same old man.

So, Bill rolls down the window once again and says, “What is it now?”

“Have you got a light?” the old man asks, politely.

Bill lights the man’s cigarette and then shouts, “Bobby Joe, step on it!”

So, Bobby Joe presses the accelerator hard down to the floor and watches as the speedometer exceeds 100 miles per hour.

Once again Bobby Joe remarks, “We’ll be fine Bill, he can’t catch us now.”

Well, a minute or two passes, and they hear that tapping on the window again.

Bill lowers the window and screams, “What the hell is it now, old man?”

“Your wheels are still spinning in the mud,” the old man responds softly, pointing to the rear of the vehicle.

2. The stakeout:

Rookie police officer, Jim Smith, has been assigned the role of staking out a local bar one night watching out for potential DUI violations.

As the evening draws to a close, he watches as one young man staggers out of the bar and tries his keys in five different cars before finding his own.

The young man fumbles for a few minutes, as Officer Smith keeps an Eagle eye on him, and eventually, the car door opens and the young man falls into the driver’s seat.

Officer Smith watches the young man like a hawk, waiting to pounce, as other patrons start leaving the bar and driving off in their cars.

Eventually, the young man gets his car started and attempts to drive away.

At that point, Officer Smith makes his move and pulls him over.

“Sir, I must caution you that I suspect you’re driving under the influence and I need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me, please,” Officer Smith says politely but very firmly.

The young man does as requested and then hands the breathalyzer back to Officer Smith for checking.

Officer Smith looks closely at the blood-alcohol content score and it measures zero.

Officer Smith is puzzled by this outcome and demands to know what’s going on.

The young man smiles and says, “Sir, tonight it was my turn as designated decoy.”

3. The black bear:

A big black bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“I’m sorry,” the bartender responds, “but we don’t serve bears beer in this bar. That’s our policy.“

Well, the bear is not amused. It rears back a little and then growls, “I don’t care about your policy. I’m a bear and I want a beer.”

The bartender remains calm, smiles, and then replies, “I get it, you’re not happy, but as I said, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar.”

The bear stands up at full height, raises its massive paws and howls, “I’m a bear and I want a beer! And if I don’t get me a beer now, I will eat one of your customers.“

The bartender remains unfazed by the situation. He just smiles and says, “Listen, buddy, do whatever you gotta do but I won’t be serving you a beer.”

So, the bear walks down to the end of the bar grabs a gin-soaked, drunken lady sitting at the counter, and greedily eats her.

Once he’s finished eating her, he returns to face the bartender, looks him in the eye and declares, “Right, you’ve seen what I can do. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.“

The bartender is still unfazed.

“Listen, buddy,” he says, “I’ve told you already, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. And for that matter, we don’t serve drug addicts either.”

“DRUG ADDICT!” the bear roars, “What the hell are you talking about?”

The bartender looks the bear in the eye and says, “That was a bar-bitch-you-ate.”

4. The challenge:

Jerry was an Iron Man champion who also owned a bar just off the Las Vegas Strip.

Everyone in town knew that Jerry was the strongest man around and knowing that visitors to Las Vegas liked a bet, he used that to his advantage in attracting people into his bar.

On the counter, there was a big sign headlined Challenge Jerry. In the small print, it explained the bet was that anyone who could beat Jerry in a strongman challenge could win $1,000. The cost of the bet was $10.

In the challenge, Jerry would squeeze the juice from an orange into a glass. Once Jerry had squeezed the life out of the orange, challengers had to take the orange and see if they could squeeze any more juice from it.

Over the years truck drivers, lumberjacks, weightlifters and all sorts of tough guys had tried to beat Jerry in this challenge but, so far, no one had ever got the better of him.

One day a small, thin, weak-looking, middle-aged man with thinning hair and heavy-rimmed spectacles walked into the bar, slapped a $10 bill on the counter and said that he was willing to take up the challenge.

Everyone in the bar started laughing at the idea that this weak-looking, little man would have any chance of beating Jerry and walking out with the $1,000.

Jerry smiled at the man, picked up the $10 and said, “OK Buddy, you’ve got yourself a bet.”

He then picks up one of California’s finest and squeezes the juice out of it until the glass is almost full. What remained of the orange was then handed to the challenger.

The little man focused momentarily and then started squeezing as hard as he could with both hands. To everyone’s amazement, within seconds, half a dozen drops of juice dripped into the glass.

Jerry congratulated the man on his success and handed him $1,000.

“I’m impressed,” said Jerry. “What do you do for a living, buddy? I’m guessing you must be a lumberjack?”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I work for the IRS.”

5. The DEA Agent:

Steve McShane is an agent with the Drug Enforcement Agency based in Arizona and he’s had a tip-off that a farmer near Scottsdale is growing marijuana in one of his fields.

So McShane shows up at the farm one day unannounced and says to the farmer, “Hey buddy, I’m from the DEA and I’ve got a warrant to search your farm, as we suspect you of growing illegal narcotics.”

“Really!” the farmer says a little surprised, “I don’t know where you got that idea, but I guess I’ve got no choice but to let you do whatever you’ve got to do. However, I must warn you DO NOT go in the backfield.”

Well, McShane is a little put out by this last comment, so he pulls out his badge and says to the farmer, “Now listen old man, do you see this badge? Take a good look at it, buddy. This badge says I’m with the DEA. And with this badge, I’ve got access to all areas. Do you hear what I’m sayin’? No one or nothing can stop me. You got that?”

“Yes sir!” said the farmer.

With that Steve McShane heads straight for the backfield believing the farmer’s comment was an attempt to deflect him from looking in the place where the marijuana is being grown.

Within minutes the farmer sees the DEA man running as though his life depended on it. And it did, as McShane was being chased by the biggest, meanest, fastest bull you’ve ever seen.

As the bull closes on him, McShane screams at the farmer for help.

“SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!” shouts the farmer. “Just tell him it gives you access to all areas.”

6. Spelling Test:

Beryl’s married life had not been a happy one, and sadly one day, she passed away.

Suddenly, she finds herself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

“Hello, Beryl,” St Peter says, warmly. “You’ve done your best to lead a good and decent life, I know, so all I need is for you to spell one word correctly and you’ll be admitted to the kingdom of Heaven.”

“Right!” said Beryl. “And what word do I need to spell?”

“That word is love, Beryl,” St Peter responds. “Can you spell it for me?”

“Yes, of course,” said Beryl. “It’s L O V E.”

“Well done,” St Peter responds, “and welcome to the kingdom of Heaven.”

Beryl quickly settles into life in Heaven and finds a new sense of purpose in helping St Peter will his many duties.

St Peter begins to rely on her so much that one day, when he’s very busy, he asks her to deputize for him at the Pearly Gates, checking new arrivals.

As luck would have it, Beryl’s husband appears at the Pearly Gates whilst she’s on duty.

“Oh, it’s you,” says Beryl. “Well, I’ve got to tell you that you won’t be admitted to Heaven unless you can spell one word correctly for me. And you only get one chance to spell it perfectly.”

“Right!” says her husband. “And what word do I need to spell for you?”

“Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu,” Beryl responds, smiling brightly.

If you enjoyed these long jokes, please share them:

FUNNY LONG JOKESSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny long jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

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Funniest Jokes 2023: Could these be the 5 of them?

06/09/2023 by

Funniest Jokes 2023Want to be the life and soul of the party, dear reader? Then here are 5 of the funniest jokes to tell your friends and make them laugh. They all made me laugh, that’s for sure.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And then please feel free to pass them on.

Funniest Jokes 2023:

1. The Test:

A teacher has prepared a test for two of her students.

Now one of these kids is very clever but the other one is a bit slow, to say the least.

The test has 10 questions and the teacher sits both students down in the classroom and gives them 45 minutes to complete the test.

Once completed by the students, the test papers are sent away for independent marking and assessment.

When the teacher receives the marked test papers back, she looks at the slow kid’s mark first. He’s been given 9 out of 10.

“That’s astonishing!” the teacher thinks to herself.

She then looks at the clever kid’s mark and he too has been given 9 out of 10.

“That can’t be right,” the teacher exclaims.

So she goes through the clever kid’s paper in detail.

The first nine questions he’s got all right. However, for the tenth question, he’s simply written, “Sorry mam, but I don’t know the answer to this question.”

So the teacher then goes through the slow kid’s paper in detail.

Again he’s got the first nine questions all right. And then for the tenth question he’s written, “I don’t know the answer either.”

2. Questionable weather:

Jane is arguing with her husband, Bill about the winter weather, precipitation and how they would describe the amount of moisture currently in the atmosphere.

“Well,” said Jane. “This to me is drizzle.”

“No,” Bill responded. “It’s heavy mist.”

This debate went on for a while and then, eventually, Jane suggested they ask the elderly man next door.

“Hey,” said Jane, “Rudolf’s a former Soviet communist from Russia. He’ll know all about bad weather.”

So they went next door and asked Rudolf for his opinion.

“It is drizzle,” Rudolf declared.

Needless to say, Bill felt a little put out, losing the argument in this way.

“Why should we accept his judgement anyway?” asked Bill.

Jane smiled and said, “Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!”

3. Communication breakdown:

Sister Elizabeth is walking down to breakfast in the convent one morning when she meets Sister Gillian.

“Good morning Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Gillian, “it looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

In response, Sister Elizabeth smiles. She’s slightly puzzled by Sister Gillian’s comment but she lets it go.

As she proceeds down the corridor towards the dining room, she then bumps into Sister Julienne.

“Good morning Sister Elizabeth,” says Sister Julienne, “it looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

Though mildly irritated by hearing this comment a second time, once again she smiles and lets it go.

As she enters the dining room, Sister Elizabeth bumps into the Mother Superior.

“Good morning Sister Elizabeth,” says the Mother Superior, “it looks like you got out of the wrong side of the bed.”

“Why on earth do people keep asking me that question?” says Sister Elizabeth. “Have I been rude to anyone?”

“No, not at all,” replies the Mother Superior, “but you’re wearing the Bishop’s slippers.”

4. The wages of sin:

Mary is saying goodbye to her husband, John, as he nears death.

“My love,” said John. “Before I die, I must confess that I was once unfaithful to you with another woman. In our fifty years of marriage, it was once and only once, I swear. Please can you forgive me?”

Mary fidgets for a moment and then she reaches for the chest at the end of the bed. She opens the lid and takes out two ears of corn and a thousand dollars in cash.

Mary shows this to John and slightly bemused he asks, “What’s this?”

“Well John, I’ve been unfaithful too,” Mary responds. “And each time I had a lover I put an ear of corn in this chest.”

John is clearly upset momentarily but then he says, “Well, it was only twice. But what was the money for?”

Mary starts to weep and then she says, “Each time I got enough ears of corn for a bushel, I sold it.

5. The Good Samaritan:

Margarita had left her home in the small city of Campeche in Mexico for what she thought would be an exciting life in New York City.

However, the drudgery of life as a chambermaid, working in a third-rate hotel on 9th Avenue, proved to be a depressing experience.

She felt so depressed that one night she found herself standing on Brooklyn Bridge, contemplating throwing herself into the East River.

At that moment, a Good Samaritan came walking across the bridge in the shape of a handsome young man, named Tom.

“Hello, I’m Tom,” said the young man. “Please tell me what’s troubling you, mam.”

“Life in Manhattan, working as a chambermaid, it is so hard,” Margarita responded. “I wanted so much more. And I can’t go home now, so I have nothing to live for.”

“Look mam, the world is full of opportunity,” said Tom. “Hey, I’m a sailor and tomorrow we’ll be sailing to London, England. You could come too. I could stow you away on the ship and take care of you. I’ll bring you food each day and keep you happy.”

Margarita thought about it momentarily and she realised that she had nothing to lose, so she accepted Tom’s offer.

That night, Tom took her aboard the ship and hid her in a small, but surprisingly comfortable, compartment in the hold.

From then on, each night Tom brought sandwiches and some red wine and after they’d eaten, he’d make love to her.

A few days later, during a routine inspection, the Captain discovered Margarita.

“What are you doing here?” asked the Captain.

“Sir, I have an arrangement with one of your sailors,” replied Margarita. “He brings me food and he’s taking me to London, England on your ship.”

“Really?” the captain responded.

“Yes sir,” said Margarita. “He’s been taking advantage of me too, sir.”

“He certainly has, mam,” replied the Captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

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