Sarcasm Quotes

The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll make you smile

08/01/2025 by Roy Sutton

Ladies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you need a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, You mess with me at your peril.

Well, here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
She’s not a drinker, but she certainly likes a whine.
I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
Hey, Balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
There are two things I dislike about you, girl. Your face!
Yes, I am crazy, and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
Being opinionated is not the same as being informed, dear.
OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you’re the full cactus.
I try to see the best in people, but you certainly make it hard.
You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
I may have multiple personalities, but none of them like you.
Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
I’d say something complimentary about you, but I’m not that dishonest.
I don’t hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
I’d beat you with a hammer, but you’re not worth the jail time.
You’re such a fake. I’m guessing you were made in China.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my bxxbs are bigger than yours.
Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

07/27/2025 by Roy Sutton

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult don’t always spring readily to mind, do they? Well, not to me anyway.

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you wish you had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue, ready to let them know that you’re not someone who will suffer fools for very long?

It’s always helpful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

So for today’s post, I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also bring a smile to your face.

And of course, I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult (1-15):

Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
Clearly, wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
If your aim was to irritate me, then your plan is working so far.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid.
Take your time, buddy; it’s not like the rest of us have anything else to do.
That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
Now, who might you be, and why should it matter to me?
You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.
Listen, tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important, but guess what? The rest of the world doesn’t agree.
Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider an alternative line of work.
Some people have genuine talent, and then there are deluded people like you.

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult (16-29):

I may have had too much to drink, mam, but tomorrow I’ll be sober, and you’ll still be ugly.
$10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
Were you born a pain in the ass, or have you had special training?
You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
If you’re nice to other people, you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
Clearly, you’re bereft of talent, but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that, buddy.
There’s nothing like exceptional customer service, and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
Well, we’ve now established that you can be stupid when you want to be. So, what else are you good at?
So, you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly, the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
I didn’t say you were overweight, but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such, but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime.

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So dear reader, did any of these examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult make you smile? Was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these examples made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more smiles? If so, click on the links below.

50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

07/15/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you admire clever put-downs or sharp, sarcastic remarks, then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!‘

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. These should also help with that. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic Remarks:

I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you really are the full cactus.
Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
The mirror doesn’t lie, but lucky for you, it doesn’t laugh either.
If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
If I act like I don’t care, that’s because I don’t.
If it’s loyalty you want, get a dog.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
That’s an eye-catching dress, mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
I’ve had more fun having a root canal treatment.
You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
You’re not ugly. Unattractive, definitely, but not really ugly.
You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
In another age, you’d have been burned at the stake.
Normally, I pretend to like you, but today I really can’t be bothered.
Violence may not solve anything, but it might make me feel better.
Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Sure, I’ll help you out, buddy. The same way you came in.
Don’t take yourself too seriously; no one else does.
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
You sound better with your mouth closed.
Boy, haven’t you been smacked with the ugly stick?
I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullsh**.
You have every right to express an opinion, sir, and I have every right to ignore it.
Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
I know I asked for a rare steak, but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
I’ve met stingy people before, but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey, I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time, but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
I could insult you, but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy, mam, it’s working, I can assure you.
When I look at you, I can see that the lights are on, but no one’s home.
I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight until now!
If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had, it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
I didn’t say I hated you, but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
You’re a low-paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie, getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment, buddy. You know you’re nothing, and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So, please share them now.

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31 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

07/11/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I am exploring sarcasm examples.

Now, some people are uncomfortable with the use of sarcasm. However, I think it can be one of the most effective means of communication. So I’ve been collecting some more sarcasm examples.

So, without further ado, here are 31 sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. I think they might make you smile, too.

Enjoy them all. And please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcasm examples:

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
If I appear to be disinterested, that’s because I am.
I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
Dressed like that, I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it, but it works for me. So suck it up, buttercup.
I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas, but I’m busy. So please go away.
I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy, but why is that my problem?
When you say ad hoc, does that mean I can do it as necessary, or were you trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
When you suggest ‘I’m just biased,’ does that mean deep down you think I may have a point, but you don’t want to admit it?
Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink, but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
You keep saying that money’s not important, but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP, which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
It may be moderately challenging, but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the suggestion box, and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
So life was so much better back in your day? Well, whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
Just because you work hard, you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
Yes, I received your email, and I ignored it like every other message I have in my inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
Referring to yourself as a professional is not, for me, a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
One day, you’ll realise that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea, and it doesn’t impress anyone.
‘Have a nice day’ is something you say, but in my experience, rarely is it something you mean.
You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents, then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
If you want to lose weight, love, you could try shaving your legs.
Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

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If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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31 sarcastic responses to rude people

05/10/2025 by Roy Sutton

Looking for some sarcastic responses to rude people, dear reader?

If you’ve ever worked in the retail trade, as I have, you’ll have encountered plenty of rude people.

That said, just travelling on public transport these days can expose us all to rude people.

Well, if you meet any, it’s always helpful to have some ammunition to respond.

So today I’ve put together 31 sarcastic responses to rude people that you might find come in useful in the weeks and months ahead. They might just make you smile, too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (1-10):

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were such an expert.
Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be sure to ignore it.
Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize you made all the rules.
My bad! I didn’t realize my sarcasm would be lost on you.
Well, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to a genius.
Excuse me, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a professional critic.
Well, thank you for that germ of wisdom. I’m sure it will come in handy.
Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were the only person on the planet who really matters.
Wow, your rudeness is truly impressive. I’m sure it takes a lot of effort to be such a complete jerk.
Thanks for your advice. It’s always nice to have an opinion from someone who thinks they’re an expert.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (11-20):

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to an encyclopaedia.
That’s a great point. And here’s me thinking you were just stupid.
I’m sorry if I dared to have an opinion of my own. I’ll make sure to only speak when spoken to next time.
I can only apologize for not being a mind reader. I’ll be sure to work on my telepathy skills before we meet again.
Thank you for your valuable feedback. I’ll be sure to take it into consideration as I strive to be an even worse person.
Your kind words are truly appreciated. I’ll be sure to add them to the list of reasons why I never want to interact with you again.
Clearly, I should have recognised that you were in a bad mood before you took it out on me. I’ll be sure to avoid you next time.
Well, I apologize if my presence offends you. I’ll be sure to stay out of your sight next time, so as not to disrupt your perfect world.
Thank you for your generous gift of insults and disrespect. I’ll treasure it always and strive to be a more worthy recipient of your abuse.
Oh, thank you for reminding me of my place. I’ll be sure to remember that people in jobs like mine are unworthy of kindness and respect.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (21-31):

Who died and made you the boss?
Goodness, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a mind reader.
If only I’d known you were such an authority on this subject.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize being rude was part of the conversation.
Now, that’s an interesting perspective. I’m sure it will help me grow.
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you ruled the universe and were entitled to treat others like dirt.
Clearly, my mere existence is an inconvenience to you. I’ll try to be more obsequious next time we meet.
I can only apologize for not meeting your high standards of perfection. I’ll try harder to be more like you in the future.
Excuse me if I didn’t live up to your expectations. I’ll try to be more incompetent next time to suit your needs better.
I’m sorry for not being telepathic and knowing exactly what you wanted without you having to communicate it. I’ll try to do better next time.
Forgive me! I didn’t realize you were such an authority on everything. Do continue to enlighten me with your vast knowledge and excellent manners.

Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

37 sarcasm examples for when you need that little zinger

05/04/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’ve ever worked in retail or some other customer-facing role, dear reader, you’ll know that people can be challenging. That’s life. And sometimes you wish you’d had that perfect little zinger to let people know what you think of them. Well, here are 37 sarcasm examples that might just make you smile. And might be useful next time you need that little zinger.

Enjoy them all and feel free to pass them on.

SARCASM EXAMPLES

How I envy people who’ve never met you.

Goodness, aren’t you as sharp as a marble?

Do you enjoy humiliating yourself in public?

You really should come with a warning label.

You’re like a penny: two-faced and worthless.

Now aren’t you just the walking motivational poster?

I’m not rude. I just say what everyone else is thinking.

If I had the crayons, I’d willingly try to explain it to you.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

I wasn’t ignoring you. I was simply prioritizing my sanity.

I see you’re still an idiot. Well, at least, you’re consistent.

It’s amazing how you can talk so much and yet say so little.

If you keep talking, eventually you might say something intelligent.

You do realise that you have delusions of adequacy, don’t you?

When I want to hear from a nobody, I’ll be sure to give you a call.

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?

Yes, of course, I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I wish I had a lower IQ, then I might enjoy our conversations more.

You’re the reason they must put instructions on shampoo bottles.

I’d give you a nasty look, but I can see that you’ve already got one.

The last time I saw something as ugly as you, I had to pay admission.

I’m not saying you’re ugly, but your bathroom mirror must be scared.

If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to read.

I wasn’t insulting you. I was simply explaining how other people see you.

You know, I thought of you this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

There can be few things in life more enjoyable than watching you leave a room.

Clearly, you have an inferiority complex, and, let me tell you, it’s fully justified.

If you want to be taken seriously, you’ll need to speak with someone other than me.

I’m not saying you’re an idiot, but your village just called to say they’re missing you.

If you had a dollar for every intelligent comment you’ve ever made, you’d be broke.

Has anyone ever told you that you have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies?

If only the gene pool had had a lifeguard, you wouldn’t be here now, ruining my morning.

Do I think you’re exceptional? Well, certainly, I’ve never met anyone quite as stupid as you.

You really are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Oh no, please, not now!’

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard you say something stupid, I’d be a very wealthy man.

I can only assume that you were born on a highway because that’s usually where accidents happen.

I’m not being mean, but I did hear that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the Prophylactic Emporium.

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

03/19/2024 by Roy Sutton

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm, to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and Sarcasm:

You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

You might like to try these free games too:

Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, comebacks, fun, funny, humor, humour, irony, Irony and Sarcasm, Life, Meaning, Philosophy, put-downs, quotes, retorts, Sarcasm, sarcastic, sarcastic remarks, smile

Rude Sarcastic Quotes: Keep calm and read 50 originals.

02/29/2024 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some rude sarcastic quotes, then I’ve produced 50 originals for you here.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

It’s always a good idea to have some ammunition when you’re called upon to deliver a sarcastic response to a challenging individual. I hope some of these are worthy of your retention for future use.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (1-10):

Well, on the upside, at least I’m not you.
Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
Listen honey, you need to go buy a brain.
Why are you surprised that you’re still single?
Do I dislike you? What gave you that impression?
Anyone who tells you you’ve got two faces can’t count.
Well, I’ve had the best evening ever. But this wasn’t it!
If you really must speak, can you speak to someone else?
If I seem cranky, it’s how I always react to people like you.
Yes, there are people I like but you’ll never be one of them.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (11-20):

You couldn’t cope with me, even if I came with instructions.
No, I wouldn’t call you a loser. That would be unfair to losers.
I had heard that most people don’t like you. Now I know why.
I’m guessing your circle of friends is non-existent. Am I right?
Where did you get your fake tan done? The local Fanta factory?
People like you are living proof that God has a sense of humour.
You call that a steak? I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil.
If you don’t want a sarcastic response, then don’t test my patience.
If you want my opinion for what it’s worth. You’re being an asshole.
It’s called using your brain, difficult as I know that will sound to you.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (21-30):

There are people who bring sunshine into our lives and then there’s you.
Yes, I value customers but there are exceptions. And you’re one of them.
To you it may seem like I’m being mean, but to me, I’m just being honest.
I’d try to explain it to you, but that would be like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.
Having a job title that sounds important is not quite the same as being important.
You’ve got a face for radio and a voice for silent movies. How unfortunate for you.
It’s best if you don’t do the thinking. The consequences don’t bear thinking about.
If irritating me was your aim, then you’ve achieved something today. Happy now?
Get over yourself. What’s so special about your job, other than a chair that swivels?
I don’t do preferences. So, if that’s a problem for you, go and bother someone else.

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Rude Sarcastic Quotes (31-40):

Expressing a preference for Taco Bell doesn’t make you an expert on Mexican cuisine.
You’re offended by my comments? Oh well, we all have to cope with stuff we don’t like.
The day was going so well, and then you showed up. Now, what did I do to deserve that?
I’d tell you that you can be more than you are, but I wouldn’t want to give you false hope.
Why are you moaning? I’ve got to serve people like you all day long but I’m not complaining.
That your children are truly unpleasant is not their fault. Clearly, they take after their parents.
Of course, I’m not very clever. That’s why I’m stuck here now, serving ungrateful people like you.
Dislike is not a word I’d use to describe my feelings about you. Despise would be more accurate.
I wasn’t giving you the finger. It was simply a visual indication that I was unimpressed with you.
You need to think seriously about global warming before you share any more of your hot air with us.

Rude Sarcastic Quotes (41-50):

You have an interesting look. A single eyebrow covering both eyes is not something I’ve seen before.
Sarcastic? Moi? In this business, it’s mandatory to respond to a stupid question with a sarcastic remark.
When he said you’re a pain in the neck, he was being polite. You’re actually a monumental pain in the ass.
You think I’m being unpleasant now? Well, wait until I get into top gear, then you’ll truly experience unpleasant.
You can hang your degree on the wall behind your desk, but I’ll judge your intelligence on results not a piece of paper.
The problem with people like you is that you lack the self-awareness to realise just how much you irritate people like me.
Wearing a silly hat and a clip-on, polyester tie may make you feel important but guess what? It doesn’t mean you are important.
You’ve got more chance of winning the Kentucky Derby on a donkey than convincing me that you know what you’re talking about.
I didn’t say you were cross-eyed. I said I wasn’t quite sure if you were looking at me or trying to see whether the bus was coming.
I’m sorry. If I gave you the impression that I cared about what you think, that wasn’t my intention. I really don’t give a damn what you think.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: humor, Rude Sarcastic Quotes, Sarcasm

33 funny sarcasm quotes guaranteed to make you smile

01/09/2024 by Roy Sutton

Once again, I return to the theme of sarcasm and, in particular, funny sarcasm quotes. I love them as they always make me smile, dear reader.

Not only that, I always get such a positive response from readers when I include some funny sarcasm quotes. So I hope you enjoy them too.

If nothing else, you can add some of them to your little quiver full of arrows for when you need to be well-armed against stupid and difficult people, and there are plenty of both around. I’m sure you’ll agree.

So please take a few minutes now and enjoy them all.

Funny sarcasm quotes:

I love the sound when you shut up.
What’s wrong with me? Do you want a list?
I have three words for you. You need help!
Feel free to judge me, when you’re perfect.
I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of sarcastic sunshine?
Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
Hey, you know what you’d look good in? Concrete!
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
The only problem I have with you is you’re still breathing.
Am I always angry and irritable? No, sometimes I’m asleep.
I’ve already had my patience tested. The result was negative.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re not making it easy.
Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve seized the wrong day?
I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
If I was a bird this morning, you’d be the first person I’d crap on.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
If you don’t like sarcasm, would profanity work better with you?
That girl could reduce a man to tears with one lash of her tongue.
Being dead is like being stupid it’s only a problem for other people.
You should be aware that my sense of humour may hurt your feelings.
Your ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
My text messages would make more sense if there was a sarcasm font.
I hope you appreciate the effort I’ve put into not punching you in the face.
Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life.
I’d tell you to go to Hell but I work there and I wouldn’t want to see you every day.
Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated but there’s no cure for stupid.
I thought rock bottom would be as far down as I’d go. I didn’t realize it had a basement.
When I look at you I can’t help but think, “Why hasn’t someone hit you with a shovel yet?”
Do I dislike you? Well, let me put it this way I’d willingly buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
Let’s hope you experience a sudden case of explosive diarrhoea whilst you’re stuck in traffic.
You’d be unwise to give me your attitude unless you want to be on the receiving end of mine.
May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your ass and may your arms be too short to scratch.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Black Humor, dark sarcasm, dark sarcasm quotes, funny, funny sarcasm memes, funny sarcasm quotes, humor, Sarcasm, sarcasm memes, sarcasm quotes, sarcastic remarks

Sarcasm Quotes

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