31 amusing quotes by Woody Allen to raise a smile

Today I thought it might be amusing to explore some of the many quotes by Woody Allen. A man with a ready supply of witty one-liners that are always guaranteed to raise a smile.

As many readers will know, Woody Allen is an American film director, writer, actor, and comedian whose career spans more than six decades and multiple Academy Award-winning films.

He began his career writing material for television in the 1950s, and he’s written several books, as well as humorous pieces for the magazine The New Yorker.

Woody Allen has developed a monologue style of comedy, rather than traditional jokes, and his stage persona is that of an insecure, intellectual, fretful nebbish.

In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Woody Allen fourth on a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians, while a UK survey ranked Woody Allen the third-greatest comedian.

Anyway, here are 31 amusing quotes by Woody Allen and I hope you enjoy them all.

Please feel free to share them with your friends.

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Quotes by Woody Allen (1-10):

  1. Marriage is the death of hope.
  2. Eighty per cent of success is showing up.
  3. I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
  4. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
  5. My one regret in life is that I’m not someone else.
  6. Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
  7. I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
  8. What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?
  9. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
  10. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Quotes by Woody Allen (11-20):

  1. I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
  2. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
  3. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  4. When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
  5. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
  6. If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
  7. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  8. I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
  9. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
  10. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.

Quotes by Woody Allen (21-31):

  1. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
  2. Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
  3. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.
  4. Basically, my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath, and she’d come in and sink my boats.
  5. I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
  6. His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
  7. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
  8. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
  9. Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
  10. There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
  11. It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

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33 funny clever quotes that’ll amuse you

Are you looking for some funny clever quotes, dear reader? Well, I’ve curated 33 little gems that will amuse you. Certainly, they made me smile.

If you like good quotes, you’ll love some of these on offer today.

These are some of my favourite quotes of all time.

So, take a few moments to read them all, and please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Enjoy!

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Funny clever quotes (1-20):

  1. I saw a stationery store move. ~Jay London
  2. I never said most of the things I said. ~Yogi Berra
  3. Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. ~Erma Bombeck
  4. What’s another word for Thesaurus? ~Steve Wright
  5. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. ~Katharine Hepburn
  6. I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde
  7. It’s simple if it jiggles, it’s fat. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
  8. I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. ~Charles M. Schulz
  9. Only the mediocre are always at their best. ~Jean Giraudoux
  10. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. ~Woody Allen
  11. Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity. ~Thor Heyerdahl
  12. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis
  13. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West
  14. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
  15. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~Mark Twain
  16. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
  17. Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  18. Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. ~Alexander Woollcott
  19. Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. ~Luis Bunuel
  20. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. ~Mitch Hedberg

Funny clever quotes (21-33):

  1. Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive. ~Elbert Hubbard
  2. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. ~Bertrand Russell
  3. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ~Henry Kissinger
  4. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~Fred Allen
  5. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~Jules Renard
  6. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
  7. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. ~Rodney Dangerfield
  8. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~Isaac Asimov
  9. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin
  10. We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. ~W. H. Auden
  11. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~George Bernard Shaw
  12. My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
  13. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner
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Habits that will change your life: Proven Steps for Presonal Growth

In this article, I will discuss habits that will change your life over the next year.

You can be a better version of yourself and lead a more fulfilling life. It requires some work, and it starts with changing habits that are holding you back.

Yes, small, consistent changes can add up over the course of a year and make a significant difference.

Plenty of people get stuck because they take on too much at once. Experts recommend adopting daily habits that support specific goals for fundamental transformation.

The gap between where you are now and where you want to be often comes down to the daily choices you make. Whether you’re after more energy, better organisation, or just a stronger sense of self, the right habits, done consistently, can reshape your life in a year.

You don’t need perfection or a total lifestyle overhaul to build new habits. Simple micro-habits and small routines can spark significant changes if you stick with them.

The key is to pick habits that align with your goals and weave them into your day with intention.

  • Consistent small habits create more lasting change than overnight transformations.
  • Morning and evening routines plus mindfulness build a strong foundation for growth.
  • Sustainable habits need focus on one change at a time, tracking progress, and realistic expectations.
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Habits account for approximately 40% of what we do every day. That’s a significant opportunity for change. If you understand how habits work in the brain and build steady routines, you can make meaningful changes with surprisingly small steps.

The brain creates habits through a three-step process called the habit loop. It goes: cue, routine, reward.

Scientists have found that habits often run on autopilot, yet still shape our lives in significant ways. When you repeat an action frequently, your neural pathways get stronger.

  • Cue: Trigger (time, place, emotion)
  • Routine: The behaviour itself
  • Reward: The benefit or good feeling

That’s why breaking old patterns feels so tough. The brain likes familiar routines because they’re easy.

New habits get stronger with repetition. On average, it takes about 66 days for a habit to form, although everyone’s experience is different.

Daily routines give habits their structure. When you tie new behaviours to things you already do, you’re way more likely to succeed.

Morning routines shape the whole day. If you start with something positive, you often maintain that momentum.

  • Less decision fatigue
  • More predictable success
  • Builds consistency
  • Offers stability during stressful times

The power of habit is that it makes good behaviours automatic. Once something’s routine, you barely have to think about it.

Evening routines matter too. They help you wrap up the day and get ready for tomorrow.

Small, steady actions lead to real change way more often than big, dramatic efforts. Tiny habits feel easier to keep up.

The compound effect is incredible—improving just 1% a day stacks up to being 37 times better in a year. That’s math, not magic.

  • Read a page daily instead of a whole book
  • Do five press-ups, not a full workout
  • Write one sentence, not an entire journal entry

These micro-habits cut down resistance and build confidence. When you succeed at small things, it’s easier to tackle bigger ones later.

Building habits step by step keeps you from burning out. People who start small tend to stick with new behaviours longer.

One good habit often sparks another. Before you know it, you’re improving all over the place.

Well-structured morning and evening routines act as bookends that shape your whole day. These steady practices boost energy, cut stress, and set the rhythm for real transformation.

The first hour after you wake up sets the tone for the rest of your day. Doctors have favourite morning habits that deliver real physical and mental benefits.

Hydration comes first. Drinking water immediately after waking up helps get your metabolism and circulation going. It’s a simple way to kickstart your system.

Don’t check your phone straight away. Avoiding emails and social media helps keep stress down and allows you to focus on what matters to you.

Get some sunlight within 30 minutes of waking. This helps regulate your body clock and boosts your mood by increasing serotonin levels.

  • Glass of water first thing
  • 5-10 minutes of stretching or light movement
  • Quick gratitude or mindfulness practice
  • Protein-rich breakfast with whole grains
  • Sunlight exposure

Physical prep matters too. Gentle stretching in bed helps warm up your spine and reduces the risk of injury. Maintaining good posture from the start helps keep you alert.

Evening routines signal it’s time to wind down. Calming rituals help your mind and body prep for sleep.

Screen time boundaries are huge for sleep. Blue light from devices disrupts the production of melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep.

Reflection and planning enable you to process the day and prepare for tomorrow. Jotting down three wins and tomorrow’s top tasks clears your head.

Physical preparation means laying out clothes, preparing breakfast, and performing basic hygiene tasks. That way, mornings are more leisurely.

  • No screens an hour before bed
  • Gentle stretching or reading
  • Quick journaling or reflection
  • Prep for the next morning
  • Stick to a regular bedtime

Timing really matters. Keeping your sleep and wake times steady—even on weekends—strengthens your body clock and improves sleep quality.

Minor tweaks can lead to lasting change. BJ Fogg’s research on tiny habits shows that starting with micro-behaviours helps routines stick.

Start impossibly small. Instead of promising 30-minute workouts, do two push-ups or a minute of stretching. Tiny wins build confidence.

Anchor new habits to something you already do. Drink water right after your alarm, or do gratitude practice while the kettle boils.

Celebrate immediately after each small habit. That positive feeling helps lock in the behaviour.

Tiny Habit ExamplesAnchor PointCelebration
Drink one glass of waterBefore checking the phoneSay “Well done!”
Write one grateful thoughtWhilst brewing teaSmile and nod
Do five deep breathsBefore checking phoneGentle fist pump

Consistency beats intensity every time. Daily success comes from habits that fit your life, not from trying to change everything at once.

Focus on one tiny habit for at least a week before adding another. That way, each behaviour becomes second nature before you pile on more.

Mindfulness can transform your days with simple breathing exercises, brief meditations, and a focus on being present. These practices lower stress and boost mental health while building resilience.

You don’t need to sit for hours to be mindful. You can work mindfulness into your day with quick exercises.

Morning mindfulness sets a calm tone. Before reaching for your phone, take two minutes to breathe and notice how you feel.

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique grounds you fast when you’re overwhelmed:

  • 5 things you can see
  • 4 things you can touch
  • 3 things you can hear
  • 2 things you can smell
  • 1 thing you can taste

Mindful eating turns meals into a mini meditation. Chew slowly, taste each bite, and set your fork down between bites. It helps digestion and awareness.

Waiting in line or stuck in traffic? Those moments are perfect for taking a deep breath instead of feeling frustrated.

Meditation sharpens your mind and helps you feel better emotionally. You don’t need anything fancy—just five minutes a day brings real benefits.

Basic breath meditation is a good start. Sit comfortably, focus on your breath, and when your mind wanders, gently bring it back – no need to judge yourself.

Body scan meditation helps release tension. Start at your toes and move up, relaxing each part as you go.

Walking meditation mixes movement with mindfulness. Stroll, paying attention to how your feet feel on the ground.

Apps and recordings can be helpful when you’re starting out. But honestly, silent practice builds focus over time.

Doing it regularly matters more than the duration of the activity. Five minutes every day beats one long session once in a while.

Mindful breathing calms the nervous system and eases anxiety almost instantly. You don’t need any equipment, and you can use this technique anywhere.

Square breathing is a simple method for relaxation:

  1. Inhale for 4 counts.
  2. Hold for 4 counts.
  3. Exhale for 4 counts.
  4. Hold empty for 4 counts.
Square Breathing
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4-7-8 breathing helps with sleep and stress. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, and exhale for 8—this pattern triggers your body’s relaxation response.

Diaphragmatic breathing boosts oxygen intake. Try placing one hand on your chest and the other on your belly; the lower hand should rise more if you’re breathing deeply.

Take deep breaths before tough conversations or stressful moments. Just three slow breaths can give you a little space between a trigger and your reaction.

With regular practice, breathing exercises help you respond to challenges with more clarity and less stress.

Gratitude journaling shifts your mindset through daily focus and honest reflection. Writing regularly can reshape your thought patterns and build self-compassion by highlighting positive moments.

Simple daily habits are the backbone of gratitude work. Jotting down three to five things each morning can set a positive tone for your day.

Research shows gratitude boosts mood and lowers stress. Your brain’s reward system lights up when you focus on the good stuff.

  • Write before checking your phone or email.
  • Recall specific moments from yesterday.
  • Include little things like a warm cup of coffee or a kind word.
  • Don’t forget the basics, such as shelter and food.

Evening reflection works just as well. Take a few minutes to reflect on and identify moments you appreciated.

  • Ends your day on a positive note.
  • It may help you sleep better.
  • Lets you process your experiences.
  • Builds your gratitude awareness.

Consistency matters more than writing a lot. Even two minutes a day can add up to real change over time.

Experts say it takes approximately 21 days to form a habit, so sticking with it is crucial. Setting up easy systems can help you stay on track.

  • Pick the same time every day.
  • Keep your journal by your bed.
  • Start with just five minutes.
  • Set phone reminders if you forget.

Some people find it helpful to use a dedicated gratitude journal rather than mixing it with other writing. This keeps the practice clear in your mind.

  • Choose a comfy spot to write.
  • Use pen and paper if you can—it just feels different.
  • Keep your supplies handy.
  • Make your writing space pleasant, even if it’s just a candle or good lighting.

Adding gratitude exercises to your routine can positively impact your thinking patterns. After a few weeks, the habit starts to feel automatic.

Tracking your streaks helps keep you motivated. A simple calendar or app can provide a gentle reminder when you need it.

Going deeper with reflection turns simple gratitude lists into real inspiration. Surface-level thanks are fine, but exploring why something matters hits differently.

  • Write about why you’re grateful for something.
  • Explore the feelings that come up.
  • Connect your experiences to your values.
  • Look for patterns over time.

Regular reflection builds self-compassion. When you look back, you might notice growth and resilience you didn’t see before.

Positive journal prompts help you see things in a brighter light, rather than getting stuck on the negatives. This shift can slowly build optimism.

  • What patterns do I notice in my gratitude?
  • How did challenging situations teach me something?
  • What strengths did I show this week?
  • Where did I show kindness to myself or others?

Monthly reviews can reveal larger themes and areas for improvement. Sometimes, you’ll uncover strengths you didn’t expect.

Building better productivity habits means setting clear priorities, minimising digital distractions, and cultivating self-discipline. These three pieces fit together to change how you manage your time and attention.

Good prioritisation starts with picking the most important tasks for the day. It’s easy to confuse being busy with being productive, but real productivity is about managing your energy and making smarter choices.

The Eisenhower Matrix sorts tasks into four groups:

UrgentNot Urgent
Important: Do firstImportant: Schedule
Not Important: DelegateNot Important: Eliminate

Writing down your top three priorities each morning helps you stay focused. This small habit enables you to avoid getting sidetracked by less important things.

Time-blocking helps you protect your priorities. Allocate specific hours to your most important tasks, especially when your energy is at its highest.

Digital distractions can ruin your focus and productivity. Habits that improve focus often involve setting boundaries with tech and stepping away from screens regularly.

  • Turn off unnecessary notifications.
  • Switch to airplane mode for focused work.
  • Keep your phone in another room while working.
  • Set times to check messages, rather than checking all day long.
  • Block distracting sites during work hours.
  • Close tabs you don’t need.
  • Stick to one task at a time—multitasking is overrated.
  • Take a break from screens every hour or so.

Try creating phone-free zones in your bedroom or at the dinner table. Many people find that starting the day without reaching for their phone makes a significant difference in mental clarity.

Self-discipline becomes stronger with practice and the development of smart habits. The trick is to make good choices automatic so you don’t have to rely on willpower all the time.

  • Clear distractions from your workspace.
  • Prep healthy snacks ahead of time.
  • Lay out exercise clothes the night before.
  • Put up reminders of your goals where you’ll see them.

Start tiny to build momentum. If you’re aiming to exercise, start with just five minutes a day before gradually increasing the time.

Share your goals with someone else. Apps, workout buddies, or groups can help you stay committed to your plans.

Supportive habits take patience and steady effort. Most habits need a few weeks to become second nature, so don’t expect instant results.

Keeping a regular sleep schedule also helps with self-discipline by keeping your energy steady.

Building emotional strength begins with understanding your patterns and developing effective coping mechanisms. Self-compassion and resilience lay the groundwork for lasting mental health, particularly when life becomes challenging.

Understanding what affects your mental health enables you to handle challenging situations better. Many people go through the same emotional cycles without noticing the links.

  • Work stress or tight deadlines
  • Conflicts in relationships
  • Money worries
  • Social events
  • Feeling physically drained

Keep a simple mood diary to spot patterns. Write down your feelings each day and what happened before those feelings showed up.

Watch for physical clues, too. Headaches, stomach issues, or changes in sleep can indicate stress before your mind catches up.

  • Pushing friends and family away
  • Feeling swamped by small tasks
  • Mood swings or irritability
  • Changes in eating or sleeping habits

Spotting these patterns lets you act sooner. Perhaps you say no to extra work or reach out to a friend when you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself as you would a close friend. Oddly, most of us are way harsher on ourselves than anyone else.

Start by tuning in to your inner voice. When you make a mistake, what do you tell yourself? Try swapping harsh words for understanding ones. Try to learn from this mistake rather than dwelling on it, as we all make mistakes occasionally.

  • Talk to yourself as kindly as you would to a friend.
  • Remember, everyone makes mistakes—it’s a normal part of life.
  • Look for the lesson to learn.
  • Take breaks when you need them, guilt-free.
  • Celebrate even the small wins.

Physical care counts, too. Getting enough rest, eating well, and staying active are all ways to show yourself respect.

Set boundaries to protect your energy. It’s totally fine to say no if something feels like too much. Self-care isn’t selfish—it actually helps you help others better.

When things go wrong, practice forgiving yourself. We all make poor choices sometimes. Learning from them matters more than beating yourself up.

Resilience is what helps you bounce back from setbacks and handle life’s curveballs. You can build it through practice and a few healthy habits.

  • Exercise regularly to manage stress.
  • Keep up strong social ties.
  • Work on problem-solving skills.
  • Practice flexible thinking.

Taking short breaks between tasks helps keep stress from piling up. Even five minutes can reset your mind.

Build a support network you trust. Talking things out with friends, family, or a counsellor can make problems feel less overwhelming.

Try to accept what you can’t control. Put your energy into things you can actually change instead of worrying about the rest.

Find coping strategies that work for you. This could involve activities such as deep breathing, walking, listening to music, or engaging in creative hobbies. Having a few options gives you flexibility.

Acknowledge your feelings instead of suppressing them. Journaling or talking to someone can help you process challenging emotions before they build up.

Simple acts of kindness can spark powerful ripples, strengthening relationships and lifting emotional well-being. Building meaningful connections often comes down to daily, intentional practices that show genuine care and understanding.

Small gestures of kindness turn everyday moments into something a bit more meaningful. Research shows that acts of kindness boost happiness and well-being, and they help reduce stress and anxiety.

  • Holding doors open for others
  • Offering genuine compliments
  • Listening attentively during conversations
  • Helping colleagues with tasks
  • Sending encouraging messages to friends

These small actions don’t require much effort, but they can have a significant impact. Kindness boosts happiness and social connection and can help ease loneliness.

It’s about consistency, not grand gestures. Starting small with a compliment or a bit of help makes kindness a natural habit.

Workplace kindness really matters. Noticing others’ efforts and sharing resources can create a more supportive environment for everyone.

Meaningful relationships need more than casual chats. Quality connections provide emotional support and enrich life through shared experiences and genuine understanding.

  • Schedule regular one-on-one time with important people
  • Practice active listening without distractions
  • Share personal experiences and vulnerabilities appropriately
  • Remember important details about others’ lives
  • Offer practical support during difficult times

Consistency trumps sporadic grand gestures. A weekly phone call or a monthly coffee can become a touchstone people look forward to.

Kindness helps forge connections with others, enhancing one’s sense of social support and belonging. That sense of belonging can help alleviate loneliness and improve emotional well-being.

Deep relationships grow through mutual care. Sharing both joys and struggles creates bonds that can weather life’s ups and downs.

Change sticks when people bounce back from mistakes with self-kindness and notice their small wins along the way. These two things lay the groundwork for habits that actually last.

Everyone slips up. Maybe you miss a workout or eat something you wish you hadn’t. That’s just being human.

Self-compassion alters how individuals respond to setbacks. Instead of beating themselves up, they treat themselves like a good friend. That makes it easier to get back on track.

Three steps make self-compassion practical:

  1. Acknowledge the setback – “I missed my morning walk today.”
  2. Normalise the experience – “Everyone struggles with consistency sometimes.”
  3. Respond with kindness – “Tomorrow I’ll try again.”

People who practice self-compassion tend to keep up habits longer. They avoid shame spirals that kill motivation.

When someone drops a new habit for a few days, self-compassion nudges them to restart. Self-criticism often leads to quitting.

Setbacks are just information, not a verdict. Every slip-up reveals something about triggers or timing that can help tweak the habit next time.

Tracking progress makes change visible. People need to see that their efforts are adding up.

Simple tracking works best. A calendar, a phone app, or a notebook—whatever you’ll actually use. Consistency matters more than the method.

  • Frequency – How often the habit happens
  • Streaks – Days in a row of success
  • Patterns – When things go well or get tough

Celebrating small wins keeps motivation alive. Even a quiet “nice job” can make a difference.

Pick a celebration that fits. One week? Maybe a favourite meal. Thirty days? Perhaps it’s time for some new workout gear.

BJ Fogg’s research suggests that celebrating right after forming a habit helps solidify it. Even saying “well done” to yourself can strengthen the new behaviour.

Weekly reviews can reveal trends. Perhaps workouts are more effective on Tuesdays, or meal planning helps you eat healthier. It’s worth noticing.

Building life-changing habits isn’t always straightforward. These answers provide practical tips for establishing routines, boosting motivation, and making lasting changes.

Morning hydration—seriously, just a glass of water first thing—can wake up your metabolism and kickstart your brain.

Walking 10,000 steps a day is excellent for your heart and your mood. Break it up with short walks, take the stairs, or park a little farther away.

Spending 10 minutes planning your evening can make tomorrow so much smoother. Jot down three priorities and prep what you’ll need. It really cuts down on stress.

Reading for 20 minutes daily helps grow your mind and keep you sharp. Pick a time, stick with it, and let it become a ritual.

Going to bed just 30 minutes earlier makes a huge difference. Better sleep means better decisions, steadier moods, and faster recovery.

Start tiny. Micro-habits that take less than two minutes are easier to stick with. Small steps build confidence and add up over time.

Try habit stacking—add a new behaviour right after something you already do. Five minutes of stretching after brushing your teeth, for example.

Set up your environment for success. Leave your workout clothes by the bed or keep healthy snacks within easy reach. Make the good choice the easy choice.

Use a habit tracker for visual motivation. Checking off each day helps you see progress and stay on track.

Be specific about when and where you’ll act. “I’ll meditate for five minutes in my bedroom at 7 AM” works way better than “I should meditate more.”

Focus on one habit at a time. One habit per week is plenty—don’t overload yourself.

Identity matters. See yourself as “someone who exercises” instead of “someone trying to lose weight.” That mindset sticks longer.

Celebrate progress, no matter how small. Every streak counts, and those little wins release dopamine that keeps you going.

Plan for setbacks. Have a way to get back on track within a day so a slip doesn’t become a slide.

Share your goals. Telling friends or family adds accountability and gives you a boost when things get tough.

Ten minutes of meditation each day can lower stress and sharpen your focus. Over time, you’ll notice you handle emotions better, too.

Gratitude journaling—just three things each day—shifts your attention to what’s good. It’s a simple way to boost optimism and satisfaction.

Deep breathing exercises help you reset quickly when stress hits. Five slow breaths can do wonders.

Mindful eating allows you to savour food more and reduce the risk of overeating. Slowing down at meals makes a real difference.

Try being present during routine stuff, too. Focusing on washing dishes or walking can turn dull moments into a kind of mini-meditation.

Taking five-minute breaks every hour helps your brain reset and keeps you focused. Move around a bit—your body and mind will thank you.

Try a priority matrix to sort tasks by urgency and importance. Focusing on important-but-not-urgent stuff keeps you ahead of the game.

Block out time for specific activities. Scheduling work and breaks helps you avoid multitasking and stay on track.

Cutting screen time by 30 minutes frees up time for more productive activities. App timers or phone-free zones can help curb distractions.

Batch similar tasks together. Handling emails at set times instead of all day saves mental energy and boosts efficiency.

Regular movement releases endorphins. These chemicals can naturally lift your mood and help ease depression symptoms.

Even light activity—such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator—adds up to real benefits over time.

Some folks swear by daily stretching for just 5 minutes.

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75 brilliant comedy quotes to make you smile

Today I am exploring comedy quotes. By that, I mean humorous quotes from American comedy television and the movies.

I’m thinking about everything, including absurdity, sarcasm, awkward charm, sharp wit and anything perfect for keeping the laughter going.

I’ve selected 25 comedy quotes from my journal, so take a look and enjoy them all.

And, please, feel free to share them with your friends.

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  1. “Why does everything I love run away from me?”
    — Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), 30 Rock
  2. “I’m a snack. A Smart Snack. I’m like almonds.”
    — Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell), The Good Place
  3. “I’m not interested in caring about people.”
    — April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza), Parks and Recreation
  4. “If I were a superhero, my power would be passive-aggression.”
    — Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry), Friends
  5. “If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.”
    — Stanley Hudson (Leslie David Baker), The Office (US)
  6. “Sometimes I wish I were a l*sbian… did I say that out loud?”
    — Ross Geller (David Schwimmer), Friends
  7. “It’s never too early for ice cream.”
    — Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Parks and Recreation
  8. “I’m sorry I called you a gap-toothed b*tch. It’s not your fault you’re so gap-toothed.”
    — Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chabert), Mean Girls (also a film, but frequently quoted in sitcom-style banter)
  9. “I am the human disaster.”
    — Jessica Day (Zooey Deschanel), New Girl
  10. “You could drown in that voice.”
    — Karen Walker (Megan Mullally), Will & Grace
  11. “That’s a lot of feelings to pack into one sentence, and I don’t like it.”
    — Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  12. “Cool cool cool cool cool. No doubt no doubt no doubt.”
    — Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi), Community
  13. “I live in a constant state of fear and misery.”
    — Tina Belcher (Dan Mintz), Bob’s Burgers
  14. “I once forgot my own birthday. I thought it was tomorrow.”
    — Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Parks and Recreation
  15. “It’s pronounced ‘Zee-ro’ not ‘Zero.’ I’m European now.”
    — Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara), Schitt’s Creek
  16. “You know how I know you’re g*y? You like Coldplay.”
    — Seth (Jonah Hill), Superbad (film, but often referenced in TV-style quips)
  17. “I went outside once. The graphics were good, but the gameplay sucked.”
    — Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
  18. “I’m gonna go lie down for twenty minutes and hope everything fixes itself.”
    — Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero), Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  19. “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”
    — George Lopez (George Lopez), George Lopez Show
  20. “I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.”
    — Karen Walker (Megan Mullally), Will & Grace
  21. “I love you, but I love me more.”
    — Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall), S*x and the City
  22. “I’m not a morning person. Or a night person. Let’s just say I’m not a person.”
    — Daria Morgendorffer (Tracy Grandstaff), Daria
  23. “Every time I try to do something fun, you make it not that way.”
    — Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office (US)
  24. “I am an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in a vest.”
    — Schmidt (Max Greenfield), New Girl
  25. “I’m a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man. But I want one. Preferably rich and emotionally unavailable.”
    — Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling), The Mindy Project
  1. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”
    — President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
  2. “I have n*pples, Greg. Could you milk me?”
    — Jack Byrnes (Robert De Niro), Meet the Parents
  3. “I’m in a dress. I have gel in my hair. I haven’t slept all night. I’m starved, and I’m armed. Don’t mess with me.”
    — Miss Congeniality (Sandra Bullock), Miss Congeniality
  4. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”
    — Anna Scott (Julia Roberts), Notting Hill (used humorously in ironic contexts)
  5. “Why is the rum always gone?”
    — Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), Pirates of the Caribbean
  6. “This is like if that show ‘Cops’ was about cake.”
    — Annie (Kristen Wiig), Bridesmaids
  7. “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books.”
    — Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), Anchorman
  8. “There’s no crying in baseball!”
    — Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), A League of Their Own
  9. “My hat blew off, Daddy!”
    — Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), Zoolander
  10. “Is butter a carb?”
    — Regina George (Rachel McAdams), Mean Girls
  11. “I love lamp.”
    — Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), Anchorman
  12. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”
    — Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling), The Notebook (used ironically in many comedies)
  13. “Put that cookie down! NOW!”
    — Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger), Jingle All the Way
  14. “Did I do that?”
    — Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), Family Matters (TV show)
  15. “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.”
    — Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner), Who Framed Roger Rabbit
  16. “He’s so hot right now.”
    — Mugatu (Will Ferrell), Zoolander
  17. “We came, we saw, we kicked its a*s!”
    — Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  18. “Flair. You know, like buttons. Pieces of flair.”
    — Joanna (Jennifer Aniston), Office Space
  19. “She doesn’t even go here!”
    — Damian (Daniel Franzese), Mean Girls
  20. “I like smiling. Smiling’s my favorite.”
    — Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
  21. “I thought they smelled bad… on the outside!”
    — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (quoted in comedic contexts)
  22. “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
    — Johnny (Tommy Wiseau), The Room (infamous cult comedy gold)
  23. “It’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”
    — Alan (Zach Galifianakis), The Hangover
  24. “You’re so wise. You’re like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.”
    — Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), Anchorman
  25. “I don’t know what we’re yelling about!”
    — Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), Anchorman
  1. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.”
    — Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling), The Office (US)
  2. “You’re not the worst person in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
    — Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), 30 Rock
  3. “I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
    — Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow), Friends
  4. “I’ll have what she’s having.”
    — Woman in deli (Estelle Reiner), When Harry Met Sally
  5. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
    — Red Forman (Kurtwood Smith), That ’70s Show
  6. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
    — Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), The Golden Girls
  7. “I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
    — Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch), Glee
  8. “I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.”
    — Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara), Schitt’s Creek
  9. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
    — Max Black (Kat Dennings), 2 Broke Girls
  10. “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
    — Nicky (Natasha Lyonne), Orange Is the New Black
  11. “Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?”
    — Detective Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence), Bad Boys
  12. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
    — Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
  13. “My give-a-damn’s busted.”
    — Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan), The Golden Girls
  14. “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.”
    — Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur), The Golden Girls
  15. “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”
    — Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), Parks and Recreation
  16. “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
    — Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti), Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  17. “I don’t do hypotheticals. I’m either right or I’m wrong, and I’m never wrong.”
    — Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), Parks and Recreation
  18. “I want you to know I’m really happy for you. And by happy I mean furious.”
    — Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel), New Girl
  19. “My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m getting fat.”
    — Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling), The Mindy Project
  20. “I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?”
    — Monica Geller (Courteney Cox), Friends
  21. “You’re so full of crap, your eyes are brown.”
    — Sam Winchester (Jared Padalecki), Supernatural
  22. “I’m not judging you, I’m just saying you’re wrong.”
    — Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
  23. “You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
    — Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti), Brooklyn Nine-Nine
  24. “You don’t deserve a good hair day.”
    — Karen Walker (Megan Mullally), Will & Grace
  25. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester), Gossip Girl
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15 Quotes by Bruce Lee that will still inspire you today

Today I am exploring quotes by Bruce Lee.

Bruce Lee is best remembered for his roles in popular martial arts movies of the early 1970s, such as Enter the Dragon.

Born Lee Jun-fan in San Francisco in 1940, he was a Hong Kong-American actor, director, martial artist, martial arts instructor, and philosopher brought up in Kowloon, Hong Kong.

Bruce Lee is considered by commentators, critics, the media, and indeed other martial artists to be the most influential martial artist of all time.

He also remains a pop culture icon of the 20th century, bridging the gap between East and West.

Sadly, Bruce Lee died of a cerebral oedema in Hong Kong in 1973, but subsequently, he was named by Time magazine as one of the 100 most influential people of the 20th century. For a martial artist, that’s fairly impressive, don’t you think?

Despite his untimely death, he continues to influence people, and there are several websites dedicated to Bruce Lee around the world.

In his relatively short life, he was credited with many inspirational quotes, so I thought today I’d share a few of these with you, dear reader.

So here are 15 quotes by Bruce Lee that will still inspire you today.

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Quotes by Bruce Lee:

  1. As you think, so shall you become. ~Bruce Lee
  2. To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities. ~Bruce Lee
  3. Obey the principles without being bound by them. ~Bruce Lee
  4. Knowledge will give you power, but character respect. ~Bruce Lee
  5. Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. ~Bruce Lee
  6. A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough. ~Bruce Lee
  7. Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them. ~Bruce Lee
  8. A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. ~Bruce Lee
  9. If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. ~Bruce Lee
  10. I fear not the man who has practised 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practised one kick 10,000 times. ~Bruce Lee
  11. To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. ~Bruce Lee
  12. The possession of anything begins in the mind. ~Bruce Lee
  13. I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine. ~Bruce Lee
  14. Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. ~Bruce Lee
  15. Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one’s potential. ~Bruce Lee

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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33 amusing one-liners that might just make you smile

You might enjoy today’s post if you love witty and amusing one-liners.

There are 33 little gems here that should tickle you, at least a little.

Either that, or they might make you cringe.

Yes, it’s true, a few are corny. Nevertheless, I hope they give you a laugh.

So enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

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Amusing One-liners (1-11):

  1. As a skill, sign language is quite handy.
  2. We have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  3. Try running behind a car and you’ll only get exhausted.
  4. If I had a DeLorean, I’d only drive it from time to time.
  5. Elvis, my pet mouse has died. He was caught in a trap.
  6. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  7. Knowing how to pick locks has opened a lot of doors for me.
  8. I’ve got a pen that writes underwater. It writes other words too.
  9. If towels could tell jokes, would they have a dry sense of humor?
  10. What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
  11. Live, love and laugh. If that doesn’t work then load, aim and fire.

Amusing One-liners (12-22):

  1. Why was it so hot at the ballpark after the game? All the fans left.
  2. I switched from eating venison to pheasant. It was a game-changer.
  3. The perfect solution for keeping Brownies fresh? Eat them all in one sitting.
  4. My wife would’ve looked for her missing watch but she couldn’t find the time.
  5. The Invisible Man married an invisible woman. Their kids weren’t anything to look at either.
  6. I explained to my carpenter that I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
  7. When I was a kid, I thought Sunday School was where you learned to make ice cream.
  8. I went into a pub and ate a Ploughman’s lunch. The ploughman really wasn’t happy about it.
  9. Replace your chocolate bar with grapefruit as a snack and you can lose 90% of the joy of living.
  10. I arranged for a Russian driver to take me to the airport. His name was Pikkup Andropov.
  11. Police were called to the old folks’ home because an elderly lady was resisting a rest.

Amusing One-liners (23-33):

  1. My friend is so dumb he got fired from the Dollar store because he couldn’t remember the prices.
  2. A man was arrested after falling into a Combine Harvester whilst trying to steal it. He’s now been bailed.
  3. The sweater I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.
  4. My wife said suddenly, “You weren’t listening to me.” And I thought, “That’s a strange way to start a conversation.
  5. I don’t mind coming to work each day. It’s the eight-hour wait before I can go home that I’m not keen on.
  6. A guy has been stealing shirts at the Shopping Mall in order of size. Apparently, he’s still at large.
  7. My wife’s been telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. She says it’s all about raisin awareness.
  8. There was a time when cosmetic surgery was a taboo subject. Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
  9. I asked the librarian where I could find books on Paranoia. She leaned in towards me and whispered quietly, “They’re right behind you!
  10. A man walks into a hardware store and picks up a can fly spray. “Is this good for wasps,” he asks. “No, it kills them,” the cashier responded.
  11. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Whereas married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
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21 brilliant one-liner quotes that are sharp and witty

Here are 21 brilliant one-liner quotes for you today.

I’m confident that at least some of them will make you smile.

Certainly, they made me smile.

Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Brilliant one-liner quotes (1-10):

  1. I did have a handle on life, but it’s broken.
  2. No, I can’t offer you a solution, but I can offer a sarcastic remark.
  3. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
  4. I don’t like jokes about the unemployed because none of them works.
  5. Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
  6. Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they’re getting.
  7. Do people really practise yoga every day? It sounds like a bit of a stretch to me.
  8. If you think television can insult your intelligence, nothing rubs it in like a computer.
  9. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  10. Letting go of a loved one is hard unless you’re trying to survive a rock-climbing accident.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (11-21):

  1. Have you heard about the new game for Generation Z kids’? It’s called ‘I spy with my little iPhone’.
  2. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  3. Worrying can solve your problems. I know because 99 per cent of the things I worry about never happen.
  4. Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
  5. I was knocked off the donkey I was riding when someone threw a rock at me. I was literally stoned off my ass.
  6. You might be tempted to fight fire with fire, but remember that the fire department prefers to use water.
  7. If you give a man a fish you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you’ve saved yourself a fish, haven’t you?
  8. I’m told money can’t buy me happiness but, surely being miserable in a Mercedes beats being miserable on the bus?
  9. So, what, if the early bird gets the worm? It’s better to be the second mouse and get the cheese. Worm or cheese? No contest!
  10. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of Jack Daniel’s. The bartender said, ‘I’m sorry buddy but we don’t serve spirits in here.’
  11. If you want proof that light travels faster than sound, you only have to look at people who appear bright until they open their mouths.
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15 funny quotes to gladden your heart

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I love quotes. And I’m always on the lookout for great quotes, and particularly funny quotes.

Many great quotes have influenced my own personal philosophy.

Others have been really useful as a means for reinforcing messages in presentations.

And then some just make me smile.

I’m referring to those funny quotes that resonate with me, offering a germ of truth within the underlying wit.

So here are 15 funny quotes to brighten your day and put a smile on your face.

Enjoy them all. Certainly, I did.

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Funny Quotes:

  1. In my defence, I was left unsupervised.
  2. I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  3. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  4. Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  5. If I won an award for laziness, I’d send someone else to pick it up.
  6. I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
  7. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
  8. The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.
  9. I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
  10. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
  11. Life has no hands but it can still give you a slap in the face sometimes.
  12. Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then it’s just suspicious.
  13. Having great power is wonderful until you get the electricity bill.
  14. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you’d like to punch in the face.
  15. Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. ~Author Unknown

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10 powerful quotes to inspire greatness in you today

If you’re looking for some powerful quotes to inspire greatness, this article is for you, dear reader. I refer to the greatness within you.

Sadly, people will often avoid doing something they’d like to do simply for fear of what they believe other people may think.

People will allow the limitations of other people’s thinking to stop them from having a go at something.

Why?

The reason for this is usually because they fear embarrassment if they have a go at something and then fail in some way.

Well, let me tell you if being a little embarrassed is the worst thing that ever happens to you dear reader then you’ll be very lucky indeed.

Never fear embarrassment:

What other people think is simply what they think. Who cares? Because it really doesn’t matter.

It certainly doesn’t mean they’re right. It probably just means they’re a little narrow-minded or they can’t quite appreciate how good you’ll feel when you succeed.

Then again, perhaps they just don’t want you to succeed at something they would be unwilling to try.

Well, life’s too short to worry about what others think.

Give them something to gossip about:

Let them think whatever they like. As long as you feel it’s worth trying then ignore the doubters. Give them something to gossip about.

If you fancy having a go at something then just have a go.

It’s your life and you’ll only live it once. Therefore you must make the most of it.

If you have a go, either you’ll succeed or you won’t.

If you succeed you’ll prove the doubters wrong.

And if you’re unsuccessful then you’ll learn a valuable lesson and at least you won’t spend your life wondering what might have been.

And why feel embarrassed anyway? At least you had the guts to have a go.

So go on, have a go but not before you’ve read these ten powerful quotes to inspire the greatness in you.

Powerful Quotes to Inspire Greatness

  1. Never mind what others do; do better than yourself, beat your own record from day to day and you are a success. ~William J.H. Boetcker
  2. The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. ~Ferdinand Foch
  3. Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  4. Don’t be afraid of failure. If something doesn’t work, use what you’ve learned to try and try again. ~Sir James Dyson
  5. Life is like a grindstone: Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you’re made of. ~Author Unknown
  6. Man ought to know that in the theatre of human life, it is only for God and the angels to be spectators. ~Francis Bacon
  7. The single most powerful thing I can be is to be myself. ~Dwayne Johnson
  8. The dreams and passions stored within hearts are powerful keys which can unlock a wealth of potential. ~John C. Maxwell
  9. Make treating yourself a priority and always remember your life is happening now. Don’t put off all your dreams and pleasures to another day. In any balanced personal definition of success, there has to be a powerful element of living life in the present. ~Mireille Guiliano
  10. I believe that visualization is one of the most powerful means of achieving personal goals. ~Harvey Mackay

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People really do love quotes, so share them now. You might just inspire a friend to take the next big step forward in life. When you share, everyone wins.

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11 razor-sharp quotes from some of life’s greatest wits

I love razor-sharp quotes, don’t you? I refer to those quotes that are both sharp and very funny when you give them just a little thought.

Whenever I come across a sharp and witty quote, I always make a note of it in my journal. And today, as I’ve been going through my journal, I’ve picked out 11 razor-sharp quotes that I think are funny and I thought you might enjoy them too, dear reader.

They definitely made me smile, so I hope they brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

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Razor-sharp quotes:

  1. Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you. ~Jeremy Clarkson
  2. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde 
  3. I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one. ~Brian Clough
  4. The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. ~Dorothy Parker
  5. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. ~WC Fields
  6. Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~Spike Milligan
  7. He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. ~Winston Churchill
  8. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~Noel Coward
  9. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen
  10. A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. ~George Bernard Shaw
  11. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ~Mark Twain
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