5 short funny stories that’ll make you laugh

06/22/2023 by

SHORT FUNNY STORIESHere are five short funny stories that will bring a smile to your face for sure. Enjoy them all and then please pass them on.

Short Funny Stories:

1. A spare seat at the Super Bowl:

It’s the Super Bowl, and Bill has a ticket for a front-row seat. As he takes his seat, he notices the seat next to him is empty, surprisingly.

He leans over and speaks to the guy on the other side of this vacant seat.

“Do you think someone will be sitting here?” says Bill.

“No,” said his neighbour, “this seat will be empty today.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” says Bill. “Who would have a ticket for the Super Bowl and not use it? It’s a front-row seat!”

“Actually, the ticket is mine,” said his neighbour. “I bought it for my wife, but sadly she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we’ve not watched together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” says Bill. “That’s very sad, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to join you?”

The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

2. The parrot with attitude:

Jane walked past her local pet store every day on her way to work. And every day a parrot, placed in a cage out front, says to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane let this pass for a while but it began to irritate her. So, naturally, she thought the best course of action would be to speak with the store owner.

On hearing her story, the pet store owner was extremely embarrassed and apologised to her.

He then reprimanded the parrot and promised Jane it would not happen again.

However, the very next day as Jane walked past the store, once again the parrot said to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane was very upset by this and immediately threatened the pet store owner with a lawsuit, if it happened again.

Naturally, the last thing he needs is a lawsuit filed against him, so now he’s not happy either.

He takes the parrot into the alley at the back of the store where there’s a dumpster and he says, “Now you listen to me, buddy! You tell that lady she’s ugly one more time and I will break your neck and throw your body into that dumpster. Do you hear me?”

The parrot nods and the pet store owner takes it back out front.

The following day as Jane walks past the front of the store she stares at the parrot and she hears …… nothing.

Jane smiles and walks on, but as she’s disappearing into the distance, she hears the parrot behind her say, “Mam, you know what I’m thinking!”

3. A gorilla needs a drink:

A gorilla walks into a very trendy, hip bar in Manhattan.

“So, buddy, what can I get you?” asks the bartender.

“Give me a large bottle of Oud Beersel’s Bzart Lambiek, please,” the gorilla responds.

“Sure,” says the bartender, “That’ll be $125, please.”

The gorilla pays with his Visa card, and he then settles down at the counter to enjoy his very expensive drink.

After a few moments, the bartender says, “You know, buddy, we don’t get many gorillas drinking in here.“

The gorilla smiles and then says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

4. David Hasselhoff in a bar:

David Hasselhoff walks into a trendy bar in Manhattan and orders a drink.

“Yes, sir, Mr Hasselhoff,” says the bartender, “coming right up.”

“Hey, man, just call me Hoff” the screen legend replies.

“Sure,” replies the bartender. “You don’t need the hassle.”

5. The birth of a military tradition:

At an Army camp in Biloxi, Mississippi, the newly appointed Commander is inspecting facilities.

As he’s walking around the camp, he notices a soldier who appears to be guarding a bench on the side of the parade ground.

The Commander walks over and asks the soldier what he’s doing.

“Sir! I’m guarding this bench. Sir!” the soldier responded, immediately and respectfully.

“Why, soldier?” the Commander inquired, slightly puzzled.

“Sir! The last Commander issued an order that this bench must be guarded at all times. Sir!” said the soldier.

“Yes, but why?” said the Commander, even more puzzled.

“Sir! It’s a tradition. Sir!” said the soldier.

Now, this situation made the Commander really curious, but as he knew his predecessor well, he decided to call him.

“Hey Jim,” said the Commander to his predecessor on the telephone. “When you were here in Biloxi, you issued an order for a bench on the parade ground to be guarded at all times. I was wondering why?”

“To be honest Mike, I’m not sure why,” said the Commander’s predecessor. “My predecessor had issued the same order and I just carried on with that tradition.”

The Commander was a thorough man, and he decided he would get to the bottom of this story to establish the reason.

Conversations followed with six more of his predecessors until eventually, he got through to the man who had issued the original order.

He spoke on the telephone with a retired General, who was now in his 90s.

“Sir, I’m Mike Gomez and I’ve recently been appointed Commander at Biloxi and I was wondering why you issued an order to place a guard by the bench on the parade ground, some 50 years ago?” said the Commander.

“What?” the old General responded, slightly puzzled. “Is the paint on that bench still wet?”

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SHORT FUNNY STORIESSo dear reader, did you find these short funny stories as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share short funny stories, surely everyone’s a winner?

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Thank you.

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4 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

05/22/2023 by

FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSFew things in life can beat a good laugh. One thing that is better is making your friends laugh. So if you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends, then today I offer you four of them which I’m confident will raise a smile or two.

So take a few moments to enjoy them and then feel free to on-pass them on to others.

It’s always good to share the smiles.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The Chapel of Rest:

When I was about seven years old, my father took me to the local funeral parlour, as he wanted to pay his respects to an old work colleague who’d recently died.

This was a man I’d never met but it was important to my father and he thought it would be a good life experience for me to accompany him.

As we waited our turn to view the open casket, I sat quietly in a corner, waiting for the time to pass.

Suddenly, the door to the Chapel of Rest opened and an elderly man I’d never met came out and, as he did so, he smiled at me and said, “Make sure you enjoy your life son. Be happy because it’ll all go by in the blink of an eye. Look at me, I didn’t and now it’s too late.”

With that, the man disappeared through the door onto the street and it was our turn to view the body and pay our respects.

We walked solemnly into the Chapel of Rest and I looked into the open casket.

I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it. The body in the casket was the man who’d just spoken to me.

Well, I was utterly traumatized by the experience. I had nightmares and I was terrified to be alone. I couldn’t sleep without the light on for several years.

It got so bad I had to go for psychotherapy and counselling.

As I got older, gradually I began to cope a bit better, until one day I discovered something that completely changed my life.

I learned that my father’s dead colleague had an identical twin brother.

2. The Driving Test:

Jane arrived home, having just taken her Driving Test for the ninth time.

Naturally, her husband Bill was keen to know how she’d got on this time.

“So honey, how did it go this time?” Bill asked.

“Not good,” Jane responded. “They failed me again.”

“Really?” said Bill, sounding disappointed for her. “What did they pull you up on this time?”

“A rope,” Jane responded, sheepishly.

“A rope?” Bill inquired, looking slightly puzzled.

“Yes, that’s how they got me out,” Jane responded. “The car’s still in the river.”

3. The Infertility Problem:

A farmer went into a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him at the counter said, “Well, how about that? I just ordered champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer responded. “This is a really special day for me, so I’m celebrating!”

“Well, this is a really special day for me too, so I’m celebrating as well,” the woman replied.

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses in celebration the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating, mam?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a baby,” said the woman, “and my gynaecologist has just confirmed that I’m pregnant!”

“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer and my hens were infertile all last year, but today they are all laying eggs!”

“Wow, that’s great!” said the woman. “So, how did your chickens suddenly become fertile?”

“I used a different cock,” replied the farmer.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass again and said, “What a coincidence!”

4. The Confessional Booth:

Father Murphy was taking confessions when a teenage boy entered the confessional booth.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said the youth, “I have been with a girl of loose morals.”

“Is that you, young Jimmy Walsh,” Father Murphy inquired.

“Yes Father, it is,” young Jimmy responded.

“And you, an altar boy! I’m disappointed in you Jimmy,” said Father Murphy. “Who is this young girl?”

“Oh Father, I don’t want to get her a bad reputation,” said Jimmy, defensively.

“Was it Bernadette Kelly?” Father Murphy inquired.

“No Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Patricia O’Connor?” Father Murphy continued.

“No Father,” said Jimmy.

“Was it Teresa O’Sullivan?” Father Murphy pressed on.

“Father, I cannot give you her name. It wouldn’t be fair,” said Jimmy.

“Well, I admire your loyalty to this girl Jimmy, but you’ve sinned and if you insist on remaining tight-lipped, then you must accept your penance,” Father Murphy responded.

“And what will that be, Father?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re barred from serving as an altar boy again for three months.” Father Murphy responded, sternly.

Young Jimmy walked back to the pew slowly and as he sat down, his friend Rory whispered, “How did it go?”

“The plan worked like a charm,” Jimmy responded with a smile. “Three months off and three great leads.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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4 funny long story jokes to raise a smile

04/16/2023 by

FUNNY LONG-STORY JOKESHere are four funny long-story jokes to brighten your day. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Funny long-story jokes:

1. Getting older:

Jean, Ethel and Mildred are three elderly ladies chatting about the challenges of getting older.

“I think 60 is the worst age to be,” said 60-year-old, Jean. “You always feel like you need to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said 70-year-old, Ethel. “When you’re 70, you don’t seem to have bowel movements anymore. You take laxatives, you eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and yet nothing ever happens.”

“Actually, I can tell you from experience, 80 is the worst age of all,” said 80-year-old, Mildred.

“Do you have trouble peeing too, Mildred?” asked Jean.

“No,” said Mildred. “I pee every morning at 6 am and I pee like a racehorse. That’s no problem at all.”

“Well, how about your bowel movements, Mildred?” Ethel inquired. “Do you have any problems with them?”

“No,” Mildred responded. “I have a bowel movement every morning at 6.30 am, as regular as clockwork.”

Jean and Ethel exchanged puzzled glances before Jean said, “Now let me get this straight, Mildred. You pee at 6 am and poop at 6.30 am? So what’s so hard about being 80?”

Mildred frowned before she said, “I never wake up before 7 am.”

2. The mechanic’s skills:

Jeff was a mechanic working in his workshop, repairing a Harley Davidson motorcycle for one of his regular clients, who was a heart surgeon.

Jeff was just replacing the cylinder head on the bike when Dr Corker, his client, arrived to check up on progress.

“Hey doc,” said Jeff. “The bike’s almost ready for you but can I ask you a question first?”

“Yeah, sure Jeff,” said the heart surgeon. “How can I help you?”

“Doc, take a look at this motorcycle engine,” said Jeff. “I can open its heart. I can take the valves out. And I can fix those valves and put them back in again. And when I’ve finished, this engine works like it’s brand new.”

“So, what’s your question, Jeff?” Dr Corker responded.

“Well doc,” said Jeff, “my question is, how come I earn a small salary and yet you earn a very large one? Essentially, don’t we just do the same work? How come we don’t earn the same?”

Dr Corker thought about the question momentarily, then smiled at Jeff and said, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

3. On safari:

Jim and Irene were on holiday in Africa, and they’d taken Irene’s mother with them.

Now Jim’s mother-in-law could be a bit of a battle-axe, to say the least, but she’d recently lost her husband, so Jim accepted that this was the decent thing to do.

Anyway, they’d been on safari for a few days, when one morning Irene woke up to find her mother missing.

In a state of panic, she woke Jim and they both went out to look for her!

Suddenly they come to a clearing, where they found Jim’s mother-in-law, facing down a ferocious lion, eye-to-eye.

“Quick darling, do something!” screamed Irene.

“You’ve got to be joking!” said Jim. “The lion got himself into this mess, he can deal with it himself.”

4. Taking Sunday off:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning and absolutely perfect weather for a game of golf.

Being a golf fanatic, Father O’Driscoll couldn’t resist the lure of links and he decided he’d skip mass and head out to his favourite country club.

Naturally, Father O’Driscoll spoke with his curate, excused himself by saying he was unwell and explained that wouldn’t be able to take mass today.

He then got in his car and drove out to the country club, which was in a neighbouring town.

When Father O’Driscoll teed off on the first hole, a huge gust of wind caught his ball, carrying it another hundred yards and dropping it right into the hole.

Father O’Driscoll was absolutely ecstatic. After all, it was a 450-yard hole-in-one. Amazing! The first time he’d ever achieved that Holy Grail for golfers.

Now God and Saint Peter were watching Father O’Driscoll from above.

Saint Peter gave God a puzzled look and then asked, “Why have you rewarded his behaviour with a hole-in-one?”

“Is it a reward or a punishment?” God asked. “After all, who’s he going to tell?”

Please share with your friends:

So dear reader, did you enjoy these funny long-story jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now and you’ll be making an old blogger very happy.

Thank you.

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