5 of the best funny jokes you’ll read today

03/04/2024 by

Looking for some of the best funny jokes to brighten your day? Then there are 5 little gems here that should make you smile.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

Best funny jokes:

1. Career change:

Bill’s a gynaecologist by profession but he was getting bored with his job, so he decided that it was time for a career change.

In his spare time, Bill had always had a passion for fast cars, so getting involved with cars in some way seemed like a good thing to do.

After a few weeks of reflection, Bill decides to retrain as a car mechanic.

He takes a course at his local adult education college and studies very hard.

Eventually, it’s time for him to take the official examination to qualify as a car mechanic.

Now Bill needs to get a minimum score of 60% if he’s to pass the exam but he finishes with a score of 110%.

Well, the college principal is puzzled. How can anyone get 110%?

So, he calls in the examiner and asks, “How is it that this guy was given 110% in the exam? You think he’s something special just because he used to be a doctor?”

“Well sir,” said the examiner, “his theoretical test was perfect, and his practical test was exceptional. I asked him to tune the engine. He did it perfectly. I asked him to change the oil. Again, he did it perfectly. And then I asked him to change the spark plugs. Yet again, he did it perfectly.”

“So what?” says the principal. “He did everything right so that usually means 100%, surely? Why 110%?”

“He did everything through the exhaust pipe,” the examiner replied.

2. The new restaurant:

Jack and Barney were two elderly gentlemen sitting and talking in Jack’s living room.

Eventually, their conversation touches on the subject of food.

“Hey,” says Jack, “last week we went out to a new restaurant and the food was fantastic. I would definitely recommend it.”

“Really?” says Barney. “What’s the name of this restaurant?“

Well, Jack had to give that some thought, as his memory wasn’t what it was.

After a few moments, Jack said, “What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? The red one with thorns.”

“You mean a rose?” said Barney.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Jack replied.

He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last week?“

3. Memory problems:

Arthur, Chester, and Clarence are three elderly brothers who are 92, 94 and 96 respectively and still living together.

One night Clarence fills his bathtub with water, ready to take a bath. After a few moments, he puts his right foot in the tub and then pauses momentarily.

He then yells down to his brothers, “Was I getting in or out of the tub?“

Chester yells back, immediately, “I don’t know, Clarence. Give me a moment and I’ll come upstairs and check it for you.”

With that Chester starts climbing the stairs.

After taking a few steps he pauses. He then yells, “Was I going up the stairs or down?“

Arthur is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and he can’t help smiling at his brothers’ memory problems.

He shakes his head and then says, “Jeez, I hope I never get as forgetful as you two.“

With that Arthur knocks on the wooden table a couple of times for good luck.

He then pauses before he yells, “I’ll be up to help both of you in a minute, as soon as I see who’s at the door.“

4. Spanish vacation:

Jane and Phil are a married couple who are taking a well-earned vacation in Spain.

After a day of sightseeing, they decide to go to a nice Spanish restaurant for dinner.

As they’re being seated at their table, they can’t help but notice that the couple on the next table are being served a dish with two of the largest meatballs they’ve ever seen.

When the waiter arrives to take their order, Phil asks, “The meatball dish the couple on the next table is having looks delicious, what is it?”

The waiter smiles and then says, “Senor, the meatballs are the testicles from the bull killed in the bullfight this afternoon. This dish is a classic in Spain.”

It looks great, says Phil. “We’ve decided we’re both going to try it.”

“Ah, senor,” the waiter responds, “for this dish we only have one serving each day, for obvious reasons. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we can hold them for you.”

Determined to try this classic Spanish dish, the couple arrive early the following day to place their order.

They sit at their table enjoying a glass of Sangria whilst they wait for their much-anticipated meatball dish.

Eventually, the dish arrives but the meatballs are disappointingly small.

Phil calls the waiter over and says, “What’s this? Yesterday’s testicles were enormous. Today they’re tiny in comparison.”

The waiter smiles politely and then says, “Senor, I’m so sorry but today the bull won.”

5. Pay attention:

Best Funny Jokes

A college professor is starting the new academic year with the Veterinary Medicine 101 class.

The Professor welcomes the new class and then says, “In Veterinary Medicine there are two important qualities you’ll need as a Veterinarian. The first quality is that you must never be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.“

The professor paused momentarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

He then pulled back the sheet in front of him and stuck his finger into the butt of the dead cow that was under the sheet. After a moment he withdrew his finger and immediately stuck his finger into his mouth.

“Now, go ahead,” said the professor to the students. “I want you to do what I’ve just done.”

Well, there was much hysteria in the class, and they all hesitated for several minutes before anyone was willing to have a go. However, eventually, they all took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and then sucking it. Naturally, this was followed by a lot of retching and spitting.

Once they’d all had the chance to complete this first task, the professor continued, “Now the second most important quality you’ll need as a Veterinarian is observation.”

Once again, he paused monetarily to allow the class time to reflect on his comment.

“If you’d been watching me carefully,” the professor continued, “you’ll have noticed that it was my middle finger that I inserted into the cow. Whereas it was my index finger that I sucked. So, today’s lesson is this. You’ll need to learn to pay attention if you’re going to succeed as a vet.”

Please share the fun:

So, were any of these the best funny jokes you’ve read today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

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5 of the best jokes ever just for you

03/03/2024 by

If you’re looking for some of the best jokes ever, then here are five which I think you might just enjoy. They all made me smile and they should tickle your funny bone too.

So take a few moments to have a laugh and please feel free to pass them on.

Best ever jokes:

1. A hard act to follow:

Rick walks out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as there’s a cab approaching. He hails the cab and, as he’s getting in, he says to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?”

The cab driver smiles and says, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

“Who’s Bill Smith?” asks Rick.

“Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfectly,” the cab driver responds.

“How do you mean?” asks Rick.

“Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. That would happen to Bill, every time.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life’s that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

“Not for Bill,” the cab driver responds. “He was a top athlete. He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.”

“Really?” Rick responds.

“Really!” says the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopaedic knowledge about wine and good food. And he was an entertaining raconteur and storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all, he was always in perfect shape. No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “no one’s that perfect. How do you know this guy, anyway?”

“Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “but I’m married to his widow.”

2. In search of the truth:

One day Joseph Stalin was feeling bored, so he starts thinking about what he can do to amuse himself.

After reflecting on his problem for a while, he decides to disguise himself and circulate amongst ordinary people to find out what they really think of him.

So, he organises a job for himself in a local factory on the outskirts of Moscow and he starts working there.

On his first day, he’s doing everything he can to fit in and when he gets the opportunity, he strikes up a conversation with one of his fellow workers.

As they seem to be getting along well, Stalin suggests that they eat their lunch together in the yard.

As they eat lunch, they make a little small talk for a while and then, when Stalin gets his chance, he asks his new friend, “What do you really think of Stalin?“

Feeling a little paranoid, his friend starts looking around furtively before he responds in a whisper, “We can’t talk about that here, it really wouldn’t be safe.“

Stalin gives him a knowing look in response and suggests they meet after work to discuss it further.

So, they meet up after work in the village where his new friend lives and when he gets the opportunity, once again, Stalin asks the question, “What do you really think of Stalin?”

Well, the guy looks paranoid again and starts looking around him, nervously, to see who might be listening. Then in a whisper, with his finger to his mouth, he says, “Schhh! We can’t talk about that here. It’s much too dangerous. Someone might hear us.”

Stalin gives him a knowing look once again and then suggests that they go for a walk in the neighbouring countryside.

For the next hour they walk out into the hills surrounding the village and eventually they’re so far away, they can’t see another person anywhere.

At this point, Stalin says, “It looks like we’re safe to talk now. So, what do you really think of Stalin?“

His new friend looks around furtively, then he leans in close to Stalin and whispers. “I kinda like him.”

3. The price of honesty:

Best Jokes Ever

There was a young kid called Jim who lived in the country.

Like country folk everywhere, when they needed to go, Jim’s family had to use an outhouse.

Young Jim did not find this a pleasant experience.

In the summer it was much too hot and, in the winter, it was too cold. And all year round, it was very smelly.

Now the outhouse was located on the bank of a creek and one day Jim realised that, with a little effort, it could be pushed into the creek.

He waited for his opportunity and one day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and Jim decided that this was as good a day as any to push the outhouse into the creek.

With that, he found a long pole and started pushing. Finally, with one last shove, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night Jim’s dad was not happy, and he told him that, after supper, they were going to the woodshed.

Jim knew what this meant. He was in big trouble and punishment would follow.

Nevertheless, he asked his dad, “Why?”

To which his dad responded, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, son, wasn’t it?“

“Yes dad, it was,” said Jim. He then thought momentarily before he said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree but didn’t get punished because he told the truth.”

“Well, son,” said his dad, “George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in that cherry tree at the time, was he?“

4. The Chinese Doctor:

Dr Chow Ming leaves Hong Kong for the United States in search of a better life.

He arrives in New York, but he can’t find a job.

However, Dr Ming is a resourceful and enterprising guy, so he opens his own clinic.

A few weeks after the clinic opens, a lawyer is walking by and he reads the sign in the window, which says: –

  • EVERY TREATMENT COST – $20
  • IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU – YOU GET $100 BACK

Well, this guy is a top Wall Street, corporate lawyer and he sees this as an opportunity to have some fun and make a little pocket money.

The lawyer walks into the clinic to be greeted warmly by Dr Ming, who says, “Good morning. What seems to be problem?“

“Well,” says the lawyer, “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

“Nurse!” says Dr Ming. “Bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“That’s not medicine!” exclaims the lawyer. “It’s kerosene!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your taste is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

Nevertheless, he’s determined to get the $100, so after a few days he returns, and Dr Ming recognises him immediately.

“Back again, so soon?” says Dr Ming.

“I’m sorry, have we met before?” asks the lawyer. “You see, I’ve lost my memory.”

“Nurse,” says Dr Ming, “please bring medicine from Drawer Number 8 and put three drops on his tongue.”

The nurse dutifully does as she’s asked.

“Open your mouth wide, please sir,” says the nurse to the lawyer.”

With that, she puts the drops of medicine on his tongue, and the lawyer immediately starts coughing and sputtering.

“More kerosene!” says the lawyer. “You gave me that last time for restoring my taste.“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your memory is restored. That will be $20, please.”

The lawyer’s not happy but he has little choice but to pay the $20 and then leave.

However, he’s more determined than ever to get one over on Dr Ming.

One week later he returns to the clinic and again Dr Ming recognises him.

“My eyesight has become so weak, I’m virtually blind,” says the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, I have no medicine for that,” says Dr Ming, “so I must give you $100.“

With that, Dr Ming hands the lawyer a $20 bill.

The lawyer looks at what he’s been given and then says, “But this is only $20, not $100!“

“Excellent!” says Dr Ming. “Your eyesight is restored. That will be $20, please.”

5. The problem with ducks:

Best Jokes Ever

Ethel, Mabel, and Agnes were three old ladies who’d sadly passed away and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter’s scanning an iPad momentarily, looking to see whether these three old ladies are on his list for admittance to Heaven.

Eventually, he says, “Ladies, welcome to Heaven. There’s just one rule you must all follow and that is, you must never step on a duck.”

Well, as Ethel, Mabel and Agnes walk through the Pearly Gates, they soon realise that there are ducks literally everywhere. There are millions of them.

Naturally, the old ladies do their very best to avoid stepping on any of the ducks, but they find it very difficult.

Ethel only manages one hour before she steps on a duck.

Within seconds St. Peter appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Ethel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappeared and Ethel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now Mabel manages a whole afternoon before she too stepped on a duck.

Once again, St Peter suddenly appears with the ugliest, most hideous-looking man she’d ever seen.

“Mabel,” says St Peter, “the penalty for stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this wretch, face to face, for eternity.”

With that, St Peter disappears and Mabel is stuck with her ugly companion for eternity.

Now, Agnes got through the whole of her first day in Heaven without stepping on a duck but the following morning she wasn’t quite so fortunate.

St Peter suddenly appears with the best-looking guy that Agnes had ever seen.

“Agnes,” says St Peter, “the penalty for someone like you stepping on a duck is for you to be chained to this man, face to face, for eternity.”

“Wow!” said Agnes looking dreamily into the guy’s eyes, “What did we do to deserve this?”

“Lady, I don’t know what you did,” the guy responds, “but all I did was step one of those ducks!“

Please share the fun:

So, were any of these jokes worthy contenders for the best jokes ever, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 really funny jokes to make you smile

10/17/2023 by

REALLY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then take a look at these five I’ve got for you today.

They all made me smile and I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them.

Really funny jokes:

1. The Parrot:

Jack is a magician performing magic shows on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

It’s an undemanding workload of two shows a day to a crowd of elderly American tourists, who all seem to enjoy his show.

However, there’s one problem that’s increasingly challenging for Jack and that’s the captain’s talking parrot which he brings to every show.

The parrot’s seen Jack’s show so many times it knows how all the tricks are done and it reveals these secrets to the audience after each trick.

When there’s a trick with a water jug, the parrot will say, “It’s a fake water jug!“

When there’s a trick with a rabbit, the parrot will say, “The rabbit is under his hat!“

And when there’s the showpiece finale with Jack’s pretty assistant, the parrot will say, “The girl’s hiding under a trap door!“

Frustrating as all this is for Jack, the audience thinks it’s part of the act and they love it.

So instead of coming to see Jack perform his magic tricks, the crowds are turning up to see him being humiliated by the parrot.

To turn things around, Jack’s constantly trying to find a new trick to impress the crowd. A trick that the parrot won’t know how it’s done.

One day, he announces a spectacular new disappearing trick which involves pyrotechnics and fire.

All the passengers and crew fill the auditorium to see this new trick on the first night it’s being performed.

Unfortunately, as he’s performing it, Jack accidentally ignites a nearby fuel line causing a series of explosions resulting in the ship breaking apart and sinking within seconds.

The next morning as the sun rises, all that’s left of the ship is some floating wreckage with Jack and the parrot clinging to it.

Jack and the parrot glare at each other but no words are spoken.

This goes on for several days until, at the end of the week, the parrot breaks the silence by saying, “OK I give up. Where’s the ship?”

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Old Mrs Thompson could hear someone sobbing, so she wandered out into her backyard to see what was going on.

Quickly, she realises that the sobbing sounds are coming from next door.

Naturally, being curious, she looks over the fence to see what’s going on.

There she sees little Johnny, with tears streaming down his cheeks, patting down a large mound of earth with a spade.

“Hello Johnny,” said Mrs Thompson, “is everything alright?”

“No, it’s not alright mam,” said Johnny. “My goldfish is dead, and I’ve just had to bury it.“

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Mrs Thompson responded.

Staring momentarily at the mound of earth that Johnny’s patting down, Mrs Thompson then inquired, “That seems like a large grave for a goldfish, Johnny, why did you make it so big?“

“Because the goldfish’s inside your cat!” Johnny responded.

3. The Old Tomb:

In Russia, a group of building workers are digging the foundations for a multistorey building when, suddenly, they discover an old tomb.

So, the site manager calls in three groups of experts to investigate. The experts include anthropologists, archaeologists, and the KGB.

The anthropologists looked inside the tomb, did some testing, took photographs, and then produced a report. They conclude that the tomb was that of a nobleman from medieval times. However, they felt more testing was required.

So, the archaeologists started their investigation. They take samples, have them tested in the laboratory, and then check the results against their database. Finally, they agree on a conclusion.

Their report suggests that the tomb, and the body in it, is that of a male, probably in his fifties when he died. They believed that the tomb was sealed around the year 1,100. However, once again, they suggest more investigation is required for a more precise answer.

So, at this point, the KGB entered the tomb. The door was immediately sealed, and nothing could be heard for a few days. Eventually, the door opens again and the men from the KGB present their conclusion.

The KGB chief says, “We have established that this is the tomb of Vladimir Demidov, born in the year 1,025, March 9th. He was the ruler of this province for 30 years after his father died of an unknown illness. He was married to Lady Yelizaveta in 1,047. They had no children and when he died, his tomb was sealed to preserve the sanctity of his rest, under the Holy Trinity Russian Orthodox Church, which was demolished in 1,800 when the town was reformed.“

The other experts looked on in amazement, until one asked, “How were you able to gather so much precise information so quickly?”

“Well,” said the KGB chief, “we took our time, naturally, but with our methods, it was only a matter of time before the corpse confessed everything.”

4. Three Wishes:

One day three guys, Jim, Rick, and Bobby, are out having a relaxing day out fishing near Cape Cod.

Suddenly, to their great surprise, they catch a mermaid.

They haul the mermaid up in a net, and she promises them that if they set her free, in return she will grant each of them a wish.

Jim is unconvinced, so he says, “Alright, if you can grant wishes, then double my IQ.”

“Done!” says the mermaid. Suddenly Jim has a way with words, can express himself clearly and can even write poetry effortlessly.

Rick is so amazed at what he’s just witnessed, he says to the mermaid, “Alright, I want you to triple my IQ.”

“Done!” says the mermaid. Suddenly, Rick can do complex arithmetic calculations in his head with ease.

Well, Bobby is truly impressed with what he’s just seen, so he says, “Alright, I want you to quadruple my IQ.”

“Sir,” says the mermaid, “I don’t normally try to change people’s minds when they make a wish, but you really should reconsider your request.”

“Why?” asks Bobby.

“Well, sir,” the mermaid responds, “the implications of what you’re asking will be greater than you think.”

“Well, I don’t care,” says Bobby. “If you want us to set you free, I want my IQ quadrupled.”

The mermaid smiles and says, “As you wish.”

With that, there’s a puff of smoke and Bobby suddenly turns into a woman.

5. Wasp Expert:

Jim is a world expert on wasps and the sounds they make and he’s walking along Main Street when he stumbles upon a record shop specialising in vinyl records.

Jim wanders into the store for a look around and he’s thumbing through the record racks when he finds an album titled ‘Wasps of the World and the Sounds They Make.’

Intrigued, Jim asks if he can listen to a track.

The clerk agrees and Jim steps into the booth to listen.

Well, he listens but he doesn’t recognise the sound.

So, Jim says to the clerk, “Hey buddy, I’m an expert on wasp sounds and I didn’t recognise the sounds on that track.”

“Sir, I’m sorry,” says the clerk, “let me play you another track.”

Another track is played but Jim doesn’t recognise that sound.

“Listen, buddy,” says Jim, “I am a wasp expert, and I don’t recognise that sound either.”

“Let me play you another one then,” says the clerk.

Another track is played with the same result.

“No!” says Jim, “I’m sorry but these are not wasp sounds. I’m an expert and I’d know.”

The clerk looked puzzled momentarily, as he studied the album.

Then he suddenly exclaimed, “I’m sorry! I’ve just realised, I was playing you the bee side.”

Please share the fun:

Really Funny JokesSo, did any of these really funny jokes tickle you today, dear reader? I hope so.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Other articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes

03/12/2023 by

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some hilariously funny jokes, dear reader, then I’ve got 5 little gems for you today.

I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and brighten your day.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Getting to know your students:

It was the beginning of a new school year and the teacher was getting to know the children by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl to respond said, “I’m Mary and my dad’s a builder.”

Then another little girl spoke and said, “My name’s Louisa and my dad’s a police officer.”

The conversation went on like this as the teacher went around the class, until one little boy said, “I’m Jack and my dad’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

Naturally, the teacher was surprised by this comment and feeling slightly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking, she decided it might be better to change the subject.

A little later she spotted Jack in the schoolyard on his own. So the teacher approached him and asked if it was really true that his father worked as a stripper in a gay bar.

Jack’s face turned a little red as he replied, “No, he’s actually a banker but I was too embarrassed to admit that in front of the class.”

2. Bikers at the roadside diner:

Jeff was sitting quietly in a roadside diner enjoying his lunch when suddenly three mean-looking bikers walk in.

The first guy strolls over to Jeff and stubs a cigarette into his lunch.

The second biker then walks over and spits in Jeff’s coffee.

Finally, the third guy picks up Jeff’s plate and flings it crashing to the floor. Then he starts howling with laughter straight in Jeff’s face.

Jeff quietly gets to his feet and just leaves the diner.

The third biker walks across to the waitress who was standing behind the counter and sneers, “Well he wasn’t much of a man now was he?”

The waitress smiles and, glancing in the direction of the window, responds, “It looks like he wasn’t much of a driver either. He’s just backed his truck over those three motorcycles parked outside and trashed them all.”

3. The baseball game:

One day the Devil challenges God to a baseball game between teams from Heaven and Hell.

God smiled and said, “Hell wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Why?” queried the Devil.

“Oh Devil, come on now? I’ve got the greatest baseball players of all time. Hey, I’ve got Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle. I’ve even got the Yankee Clipper, Joe DiMaggio. Who have you got?” said God.

The Devil grinned and said, “Well God, impressive as your list is, I’ve still got all the umpires.”

4. The haircut:

Jim went into a barber’s shop that was advertising David Beckham-style haircuts.

Twenty minutes later, Jim looked in the mirror and he was shocked to see that looking back at him was a scalp erratically shaven and a head covered in cuts.

Naturally, Jim protested to the barber. Pointing to his head, Jim said, “Now listen to me buddy, this is not how David Beckham has his hair cut.”

“He would if he had his hair cut here,” the barber responded.

5. The nightwatchman:

The US Government-owned a scrapyard in the middle of the desert.

This was the source of some concern to Congress because the feeling was that people could steal from it.

So they decided to create the role of nightwatchman and someone was hired to do the job.

However, Congress was then concerned about how the night watchman could carry out his duties without instruction.

The solution to this dilemma was to create a planning department and two people were hired. One was hired to write instructions and the other to carry out time and motion studies.

Congress then had concerns about how they might measure whether the night watchman was doing his job effectively.

To address this problem they created a Quality Control department and hired two more people. One was hired to study job performance and the other to write reports.

Then Congress questioned how everyone was to get paid. To resolve this issue, two more people were hired; one as a timekeeper and one as a payroll officer.

However, that wasn’t the end of Congress’s concerns because the obvious question was, “Who is to be accountable for all these people?”

The solution was to create an Administration Department and hire three more people – an administration director, an administration officer, and a legal secretary.

A year went by and following a review Congress was concerned that this operation was $27,000 over budget. Naturally, they considered what could be done to reduce overall costs.

The solution agreed upon by Congress was to lay off the night watchman.

Please share with your friends on social media:

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKESI hope these hilariously funny jokes made you laugh dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh. If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share this post with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

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15 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny

03/10/2023 by

BAD JOKESHere are 15 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and make you smile simultaneously.

They really are so bad they’re funny. Certainly, they made me smile.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

15 Bad Jokes:

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
  • Man in a bookstore: Where is the Self-Help section, please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told that sir it would defeat the purpose.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!
  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.
  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.
  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!
  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!
  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!
  • How do think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!
  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

Please share this post with your friends:

Bad JokesSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these really bad jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face now and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post right away.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,