25 quotes to inspire success and encourage progress

09/28/2024 by

Looking for some quotes to inspire success, dear reader? Do you crave success for yourself?

Well, what would real success look like to you?

Success is different for everyone, of course. It’s all a matter of opinion really. One person’s ceiling is another person’s floor, as they say.

However, regardless of how you define it, success won’t happen unless you make it happen. And to make it happen you’ll need a little inspiration occasionally.

So today I’ve pulled together 25 quotes to inspire success.

Whatever real success looks like for you dear reader, let me tell you, it can be achieved. Just believe you can and you will.

Yes, it requires determination and hard work. Yes, you’ll need the occasional bit of luck along the way. Nevertheless, it can be done and people do. And so can you!

Quotes to Inspire Success (1-15):

  1. Fortune befriends the bold. ~Emily Dickinson
  2. Opportunities don’t happen. You create them. ~Chris Grosser
  3. I never dreamed about success, I worked for it. ~Estee Lauder
  4. Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion. ~Tony Hsieh
  5. In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. ~Nikos Kazantzakis
  6. Success is the sum of small efforts – repeated day in and day out. ~Robert Collier
  7. If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time. ~Steve Jobs
  8. Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ~William Feather
  9. Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. ~Bill Gates
  10. However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. ~Stephen Hawking
  11. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” ~Henry David Thoreau
  12. Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston S. Churchill
  13. Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~David Frost
  14. Success is about creating benefits for all and enjoying the process. If you focus on this and adopt this definition, success is yours. ~Kelly Kim
  15. The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. ~Mark Caine

Quotes to Inspire Success (16-25):

  1. The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. ~Vince Lombardi
  2. Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better. ~Jim Rohn
  3. I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite. ~GK Chesterton
  4. There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. ~Colin Powell
  5. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton
  6. If you don’t value your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value what you know and start charging for it. ~Kim Garst
  7. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. ~Albert Schweitzer
  8. Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek. ~Mario Andretti
  9. Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome. ~Booker T. Washington
  10. Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds. ~Orison Swett Marden

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People really do love quotes, so share them now. You might just inspire a friend to take the next big step forward in life. When you share, everyone wins.

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15 Quotes by Elon Musk to help get you thinking

09/27/2024 by

Born in Pretoria, South Africa, Elon Musk is a technology entrepreneur and engineer. He holds South African, Canadian and U.S. citizenship and is probably best known as the co-founder, CEO and product architect of Tesla Inc.

In 2016, he was ranked 21st on the Forbes list of the World’s Most Powerful People.

Apparently, his net worth is around $19.4 billion and he’s listed by Forbes as the 40th-richest person in the world.

By any definition, Elon Musk is a clever and successful man and of course, it’s always worth listening to successful people.

So today I offer you 15 quotes by Elon Musk dear reader.

He’s an interesting character and his observations will certainly get you thinking I’m sure.

15 Quotes by Elon Musk:

  1. I think it matters whether someone has a good heart. ~Elon Musk
  2. I hate writing about personal stuff. I don’t have a Facebook page. I don’t use my Twitter account. I am familiar with both, but I don’t use them. ~Elon Musk
  3. When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour. ~Elon Musk
  4. If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it’s a bright day. Otherwise, it’s not. ~Elon Musk
  5. People should pursue what they’re passionate about. That will make them happier than pretty much anything else. ~Elon Musk
  6. I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself. ~Elon Musk
  7. There have to be reasons that you get up in the morning and you want to live. Why do you want to live? What’s the point? What inspires you? What do you love about the future? If the future does not include being out there among the stars and being a multi-planet species, I find that incredibly depressing. ~Elon Musk
  8. Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster. ~Elon Musk
  9. People work better when they know what the goal is and why. It is important that people look forward to coming to work in the morning and enjoy working. ~Elon Musk
  10. I think it’s very important to have a feedback loop, where you’re constantly thinking about what you’ve done and how you could be doing it better. ~Elon Musk
  11. Man has the power to act as his own destroyer – and that is the way he has acted through most of his history. ~Elon Musk
  12. Really, the only thing that makes sense is to strive for greater collective enlightenment. ~Elon Musk
  13. We can’t have, like, willy-nilly proliferation of fake news. That’s crazy. You can’t have more types of fake news than real news. That’s allowing public deception to go unchecked. That’s crazy. ~Elon Musk
  14. Brand is just a perception, and perception will match reality over time. Sometimes it will be ahead, other times it will be behind. But brand is simply a collective impression some have about a product. ~Elon Musk
  15. In order to have your voice be heard in Washington, you have to make some little contribution. ~Elon Musk

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21 thought-provoking quotes by Alan Turing

09/26/2024 by

Today I thought exploring some quotes by Alan Turing would be interesting.

Alan Mathison Turing is best known as an English computer scientist, mathematician, cryptanalyst, and philosopher for readers unfamiliar with him.

He is widely considered the father of theoretical computer science and artificial intelligence. Certainly, in Britain.

Alan Turing was one of the greatest minds in British post-war history. He devised several techniques for speeding the breaking of German ciphers and he played a crucial role in cracking intercepted coded messages that enabled the Allies to defeat the Axis powers in many crucial engagements.

Though he died relatively young, he left an impressive legacy, and his enormous influence continues to this day.

In a 2019 BBC series, following a vote by the audience, he was named the greatest person of the 20th century.

So, he was a widely respected individual and, for that reason, it’s worth listening to some of the things he had to say.

Here are 21 quotes by Alun Turing that I think are thought-provoking. Take a minute or two to reflect on them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Quotes by Alan Turing (1-10):

  1. Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
  2. Codes are a puzzle. A game, just like any other game.
  3. My little computer said such a funny thing this morning.
  4. Those who can imagine anything can create the impossible.
  5. Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition.
  6. If a machine is expected to be infallible, it cannot also be intelligent.
  7. Programming is a skill best acquired by practice and example rather than from books.
  8. I have such a stressful job that the only way I can get it out of my mind is by running hard.
  9. We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.
  10. We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all purely intellectual fields.

Quotes by Alan Turing (11-21):

  1. Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result.
  2. Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine.
  3. A computer would deserve to be called intelligent if it could deceive a human into believing that it was human.
  4. A man provided with paper, pencil, and rubber, and subject to strict discipline is in effect a universal machine.
  5. I want a permanent relationship, and I might feel inclined to reject anything which of its nature could not be permanent.
  6. Mathematical reasoning may be regarded rather schematically as the exercise of a combination of two facilities, which we may call intuition and ingenuity.
  7. Do you know why people like violence? It is because it feels good. Humans find violence deeply satisfying. But remove the satisfaction, and the act becomes hollow.
  8. The idea behind digital computers may be explained by saying that these machines are intended to carry out any operations which could be done by a human computer.
  9. No, I’m not interested in developing a powerful brain. All I’m after is just a mediocre brain, something like the President of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company.
  10. I believe that at the end of the century the use of words and general educated opinion will have altered so much that one will be able to speak of machines thinking without expecting to be contradicted.
  11. Instead of trying to produce a programme to simulate the adult mind, why not rather try to produce one which simulates the child’s? If this were then subjected to an appropriate course of education one would obtain the adult brain.

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25 Quotes by Adam Smith that will make you think

09/25/2024 by

Today I thought exploring some quotes by Adam Smith would be interesting.

Adam Smith was a Scottish economist and philosopher who was a pioneer in the thinking of political economy.

He wrote two classic works, The Theory of Moral Sentiments (1759) and An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations (1776).

The latter, often abbreviated as The Wealth of Nations, is the first modern work that treats economics as a comprehensive system and as an academic discipline.

Adam Smith laid the foundations of classical free market economic theory, and he developed the concept of division of labour and expounded upon how rational self-interest and competition can lead to economic prosperity.

However, Adam Smith was a controversial figure in his day, and his general approach and writing style were often satirised by other writers such as Horace Walpole.

Nevertheless, he was an important figure, and his ideas are influential to this day. So, as always with successful people, it’s worth thinking about what he had to say.

So, here are 25 quotes by Adam Smith that will make you think.

I hope you’ll find them interesting and, please, do pass them on.

Quotes by Adam Smith (1-10):

  1. All money is a matter of belief.
  2. Every man lives by exchanging.
  3. There’s a lot of ruin in a nation.
  4. Happiness never lays its finger on its pulse.
  5. Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.
  6. Individual ambition serves the common good.
  7. The real tragedy of the poor is the poverty of their aspirations.
  8. No complaint is more common than that of a scarcity of money.
  9. This is one of those cases in which the imagination is baffled by the facts.
  10. Never complain of that of which it is, at all times, in your power to rid yourself.

Quotes by Adam Smith (11-20):

  1. With the greater part of rich people, the chief enjoyment of riches consists in the parade of riches.
  2. What can be added to the happiness of a man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience?
  3. Man is an animal that makes bargains. No other animal does this. No dog exchanges bones with another.
  4. Labour was the first price, the original purchase, money that was paid for all things. It was not by gold or by silver, but by labour, that all wealth of the world was originally purchased.
  5. The real and effectual discipline which is exercised over a workman is that of his customers. It is the fear of losing their employment which restrains his frauds and corrects his negligence.
  6. As soon as the land of any country has all become private property, the landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed and demand a rent even for its natural produce.
  7. I have never known much good done by those who affected to trade for the public good.
  8. All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.
  9. Consumption is the sole end and purpose of all production; and the interest of the producer ought to be attended to, only so far as it may be necessary for promoting that of the consumer.
  10. It is not by augmenting the capital of the country, but by rendering a greater part of that capital active and productive than would otherwise be so, that the most judicious operations of banking can increase the industry of the country.

Quotes by Adam Smith (21-25):

  1. Virtue is more to be feared than vice because its excesses are not subject to the regulation of conscience.
  2. No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members is poor and miserable.
  3. The propensity to truck, barter and exchange one thing for another is common to all men, and to be found in no other race of animals.
  4. It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.
  5. Great ambition, the desire of real superiority, of leading and directing, seems to be altogether peculiar to man, and speech is the great instrument of ambition.

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4 funny international commercials to make you smile

09/23/2024 by

Today I have some very funny international commercials for you.

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree dear reader?

I love clever commercials and funny commercials are always a pleasure to watch.

And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well dear reader, if like me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then I think you might enjoy the ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials, but you will enjoy them I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

4 FUNNY INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIALS

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So, dear reader, did these funny international commercials make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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7 tips for becoming your best self

09/22/2024 by

Successful people are generally regarded as being the best at whatever they do.

However, to be the best at what you do, you must start by becoming the best person you can be. That is, you must be your best self.

In other words, you must find the hero that lies within you.

There’s infinite capacity within you to excel but to realize at least some of your potential you must work at becoming the exceptional person you really can be.

The obvious question is, where do you start?

Here are 7 tips to help you become your best self:-

Becoming your best self:

1. Have a sense of purpose:

If you’re going to be the best person you can be then you cannot just drift through life hoping that it will all just fall into place. It won’t. Nothing happens by accident.

You cannot drift through life with little direction or purpose, not if success is your aim.

Drifting may seem attractive to some but it’s not the way to discover contentment, health and wealth.

It never has been and it never will be.

You must determine your life’s purpose, or your mission if you like.

Having a sense of purpose is essential. With it, you’ll have your own compass that will guide you to your true north all the time.

2. Live by a moral code:

What matters to you, dear reader?

Having a set of values is important. Having a moral code is important too.

Civilization is underpinned by accepted values and a moral code.

Values are the benchmark against which we measure ourselves and any successes we may achieve.

For instance, achieving success by cheating will not make you feel good about yourself because you’ll know you didn’t play fair. If you were dishonest, you’ll know you were dishonest.

It can only feel like a real achievement if it is won in a fair fight. A bit of gamesmanship is one thing but cheating is quite another.

So what is it you value most dear reader?

Pause for a minute and give that question some thought.

Make a list of your top three values.

Then check your goals against those values. Are your goals congruent with your values? Certainly, they’ll need to be.

If a goal doesn’t align with any of your top three values then you must get rid of it.

Anything you achieve that is inconsistent with your values will not make you feel good about yourself.

You will only recognize yourself as your best self when you consider yourself against the values that matter most to you.

3. Know your needs:

Every human being has needs. Having needs is part of the human condition.

Abraham Maslow put it best when he described the hierarchy of needs.

Physiological needs, the need for safety and security, the need for love and belonging, the need for self-esteem, and the need for self-actualization.

We all need these things to some degree, at least.

We all need certainty. However certainty can be boring, so we also need a little uncertainty or change to make life more interesting. The problem is uncertainty can make us feel insecure which is why we tend to feel uncomfortable when we experience change.

You’ll have your own specific needs dear reader and it’s important to identify them.

If you’re to live authentically then the life you live should be consistent with your needs. You can only be you. Anything else would be a fake.

Perhaps attention and recognition are your greatest needs?

Then again, perhaps what truly matters most to you is family and friends.

Perhaps you need to become a mum or a dad?

Alternatively, perhaps you have a burning need to play a musical instrument or to write.

Whatever your needs, if they remain unmet it will stop you from living authentically.

So list your top five needs and make sure any goals you have are consistent with meeting them.

Know your needs and make sure you work towards meeting them before it is too late.

4. Know your passions:

It’s often said that the three things we need in life are passion, purpose and pastime.

Passion is important.

If you have a passion for what you do, you’ll be keen to do it well.

If it matters to you, of course, you’ll do it well. Why wouldn’t you? And if you do it well people will notice. And when people start to notice then demand for your services will increase. And once the demand for your services increases then your value will increase.

So it’s a virtuous circle.

Knowing what you truly like and enjoy doing is part of really knowing who you are as a person.

Knowing your passions allows you to express yourself and make your own unique contribution to life.

And by expressing yourself and leaving a legacy you’ll pay tribute to all those people who inspired you to become the very person you really could be. To become your best self.

5. Live from the inside out:

Your body is the temple in which you will live your entire life.

If that temple is in bad shape then that’s hardly a basis for you becoming your best self, is it?

So be in tune with your body and take care of it.

Eat sensibly and exercise regularly.

Put your physical and mental well-being at the heart of everything you do.

Appreciate the world around you. Stop to smell the roses occasionally. Allow yourself to be in spiritual contact with nature and the world around you.

When you feel stressed and pressured, take the time to breathe deeply. This will help you relax and quiet your distracted mind.

Above all, listen to what your heart is saying. Follow your heart but take your brain with you, of course.

6. Work to your strengths:

We all have our strengths. We all have a natural talent for something and there are things that others will recognize that we’re very good at.

You’re no different, dear reader. So what are your strengths?

At what do you excel in comparison to other people? For what are you recognised as the ‘go-to’ person by your colleagues?

Knowing your strengths and making sure you’re working to your strengths is essential if you’re to be your best self. Certainly, you won’t get very far if you’re working to your weaknesses.

So what positive traits do you possess?

What would other people say are your strengths? Ask your family and friends, if you’re unsure.

Your authentic self will be expressed best by working to your strengths, naturally.

If you’re good at what you do then, once again, you’ll do it well. And doing it well will increase your self-confidence.

And confidence is an essential ingredient to you being your best self.

7. Add value to others:

Human beings are social animals and we live naturally in groups and societies.

Being part of society means contributing to it.

We must all contribute particularly if we’re striving to be our best selves.

Living authentic lives means we must develop an interconnected sense of being.

If you’re true to who you are, living your life’s purpose and giving your talents to the world around you then you are providing a service to others.

To contribute to society you must serve others in some way. Add value to their lives. And giving your best in whatever you do is the way to add value. That is your spirit; your very essence. That is your raison d’etre.

Adding value and providing service to others provides its rewards.

Sharing your gifts with the world can be pleasing indeed. Knowing your contribution was a contribution only you can make can be truly satisfying.

Know you’ve made a real difference and then you’ll have achieved your best self.

Conclusion:

We can all aspire to be more than we are but nothing happens by accident.

If you want to be the best then know where you’re going; know why you’re going there; and know how it is congruent with your passions, your moral code, your own needs, your strengths and your desire to add value in the best way possible.

It can be done and people do. So can you! Good luck.

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Thank you for your support.

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15 Quotes by Bruce Lee that will still inspire you today

09/21/2024 by

Bruce Lee is best remembered for his roles in popular martial arts movies of the early 1970s, such as Enter the Dragon.

Born Lee Jun-fan in San Francisco in 1940, he was a Hong Kong-American actor, director, martial artist, martial arts instructor and philosopher brought up in Kowloon, Hong Kong.

Bruce Lee is considered by commentators, critics, media and indeed other martial artists to be the most influential martial artist of all time.

He also remains a pop culture icon of the 20th century, who bridged the gap between East and West.

Sadly, Bruce Lee died of a cerebral oedema in Hong Kong in 1973 but subsequently, he was named by Time magazine as one of the 100 most influential people of the 20th century. For a martial artist, that’s fairly impressive, don’t you think?

Despite his untimely death, he continues to influence people and there are several websites dedicated to Bruce Lee around the world.

In his relatively short life, he was credited with many inspirational quotes, so I thought today I’d share a few of these with you, dear reader.

So here are 15 quotes by Bruce Lee that will still inspire you today.

Quotes by Bruce Lee:

  1. As you think, so shall you become. ~Bruce Lee
  2. To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities. ~Bruce Lee
  3. Obey the principles without being bound by them. ~Bruce Lee
  4. Knowledge will give you power, but character respect. ~Bruce Lee
  5. Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory. ~Bruce Lee
  6. A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough. ~Bruce Lee
  7. Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them. ~Bruce Lee
  8. A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. ~Bruce Lee
  9. If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. ~Bruce Lee
  10. I fear not the man who has practised 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practised one kick 10,000 times. ~Bruce Lee
  11. To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. ~Bruce Lee
  12. The possession of anything begins in the mind. ~Bruce Lee
  13. I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine. ~Bruce Lee
  14. Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. ~Bruce Lee
  15. Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one’s potential. ~Bruce Lee

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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Thank you.

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Roy Sutton: In My Own Write

09/20/2024 by

Readers may be interested to know that I’m currently compiling a book of my observational poetry, which will have the title “IN MY OWN WRITE” and I hope will be released later in the year.

With that in mind, I have compiled a poem to go with the title, and I offer you a preview of it today. The pun is intended, of course.

Essentially, it reflects what I do. I try to make sense of the world around me. That’s not always as easy as it should be, but that’s life.

Anyway, I hope my poem appeals to you, dear reader.

IN MY OWN WRITE POEM

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Tommy Cooper One-liners: 35 that’ll make you smile

09/19/2024 by

If you enjoy Tommy Cooper one-liners, I’ve curated 35 for you to enjoy today.

For readers unfamiliar with him, Tommy Cooper was a legendary British entertainer hugely popular on television in Britain in the 1960s and 1970s.

Thomas Frederick Cooper was a Welsh prop comedian and magician. As an entertainer, his appearance was large and lumbering at 6 feet 4 inches (1.93 m), and he habitually wore a trademark red fez hat when performing.

As a magician, his tricks would often take an unexpected turn for comedic effect. That said, he was a skilled conjurer and a member of the Magic Circle.

Sadly, Tommy Cooper is no longer with us but his humour lives on and there are plenty of old videos on YouTube showing him performing in his heyday. They are well worth checking out if you have the time.

In the meantime, here are some samples of his unique humour.

Tommy Cooper One-liners

I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, “Have you got frog’s legs?” He said, “Yes.” So, I said, “Well, hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich!”

I had a dream last night; I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

I said, “Seriously, doctor, I have broken my arm in several places.” He said, “Well, you shouldn’t go to those places.”

I’m on a whisky diet, I’ve lost 3 weeks already!

Here’s a little trick I picked up. I don’t know who dropped it

I got complimented on my parking the other day. There was a ticket on my windscreen saying parking fine.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

I never had much luck. I had a rocking horse and that died.

Two elephants fell off a cliff… BOOM, BOOM!

A guy stopped me last night. He said, “Have you seen a policeman round here?” I said ”No.” He said, ”Well, stick ‘em up!”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

I was cleaning the loft out with the missus the other day. Dirty, filthy and full of cobwebs, but she’s good with the kids.

A woman called her husband and said, “The carburettor is full of water.” “Where’s the car?” the man said. “In the river,” she replied.

I got into this taxi, and I said to the driver, “King Arthur’s Close.” And the driver said, “Don’t worry Tommy, I’ll shake him off at the first corner.”

I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I hurt my arm. I went to the doctor to get it mended. Afterwards, I asked the doctor if, when it was mended, I could play the piano. He said, “Yes.” I said, “That’s funny; I couldn’t play it before.”

I said, “Waiter, what’s that in my soup?” He said, “I’d better call the boss, I can’t tell one insect from another.”

Just before the show, the producer took me to one side. And left me there. He said, “How do you feel tonight?” I said, “A bit funny.” He said, “Well, get out there before it wears off.”

A policeman stopped me the other night. He taps on the window of the car and says: “Would you please blow into this bag, sir.” I said: “What for, Officer?” He said, “My chips are too hot.”

Did you hear that joke about the fire-eater? She hiccupped and cremated herself.

I met this man at the airport, and I asked him if he`d like to share a taxi with me. He said he would. I said, “You take the engine, I’ll take the wheels!”

I went to the bank today. I said, “Could you check my balance?” They pushed me over.

A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, “We have a drink named after you.” The horse says, “What? Eric?”

A man goes into a pet shop. He says, “I’d like to buy a wasp, please.” The shopkeeper says, “Sorry, sir, but we don’t sell wasps.” The man says, “But you’ve got one in the window!”

I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

So, I was getting into my car, and this guy said to me, “Can you give me a lift?” I said, “Sure! You look great; the world’s your oyster; go for it.”

Last week, I went to a seafood disco and pulled a muscle.

I said to the waiter: “This chicken soup contains no chicken.” He said: “And there’s no horse in the horseradish either.”

My wife and I were married in a toilet. It was a marriage of convenience.

Two kids were arrested yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

It’s odd, isn’t it? You stand in the middle of a library and go, “Aaaaagghhhh!!” and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on a plane, and everyone joins in.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says, “Does this taste funny to you?”

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21 Interesting quotes by John Cleese to inspire you

09/18/2024 by

As he is one of the greatest talents in British comedy, I thought it would be interesting to explore some of the many quotes by John Cleese.

John Marwood Cleese is an English actor, comedian, screenwriter, and producer.

Educated at the University of Cambridge, he emerged from the Cambridge Footlights in the 1960s and he first achieved success at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

He also collaborated with David Frost and was a scriptwriter and performer on The Frost Report.

However, he is probably best known for his association with two classics of British comedy, namely Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, for both of which he was both a writer and performer.

He was also a co-founder of the production company Video Arts, famous for making entertaining and memorable training films. Many readers will have seen these training films over the years, I’m sure.

By any measure, John Cleese is a successful man and, as I always say, it’s always worth listening to successful people.

So, here are 21 quotes by John Cleese that I hope you’ll find interesting. Certainly, I did.

Quotes by John Cleese (1-10):

  1. He who laughs most learns best.
  2. Don’t let anyone tell you what you ought to like.
  3. Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.
  4. A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.
  5. The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.
  6. Who’s ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!
  7. I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.
  8. The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not-very-good idea which sparked off another idea that was only slightly better, which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that they then said something which was really rather interesting.
  9. Now, most people do not want an ordinary life in which they do a job well, earn the respect of their collaborators and competitors, bring up a family and have friends. That’s not enough anymore, and I think that is absolutely tragic, and I’m not exaggerating, that people feel like a decent, ordinary, fun life is no longer enough.
  10. I think you can write very good comedy without a partner, but what I love about it, working with a partner, is that you get to places you’d never get on your own. It’s like when God was designing the world and decided we couldn’t have children without a partner; it was a way of mixing up the genes so you’d get a more interesting product.

Quotes by John Cleese (11-21):

  1. If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
  2. Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.
  3. You don’t have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life is about change.
  4. I think that money spoils most things once it becomes the primary motivating force.
  5. A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.
  6. I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that’s to get rid of all my other desires.
  7. Most of the bad taste I’ve been accused of has been generic bad taste; it’s been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.
  8. I love having different cultures around, but when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you’re left thinking, ‘Well, what’s going on?’
  9. When you’ve been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don’t know a specific joke, you can pretty much guess what it’s going to be.
  10. If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth.
  11. I think it’s because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it’s so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding.

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