30 of the best puns guaranteed to make you smile

12/29/2024 by

If you’re looking for the best puns, read on.

Do you enjoy clever puns, dear reader?

I must say, I do. I love them, and I’m always on the lookout for the best puns I can find, and occasionally I write my own too.

So here are 30 of the best puns you’ll hear today.

Unfortunately, I cannot be sure of their origin, but they’re guaranteed to make you laugh, of that I’m sure.

Certainly, they made me laugh, and I hope they brighten your day too.

Enjoy them all and feel free to pass them on.

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The Best Puns (1-15):

  1. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  2. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  3. Atheists can’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  5. A girl said she recognised me from my vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.
  6. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  7. The Energiser Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
  8. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
  9. I didn’t like my beard at first but it grew on me.
  10. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  11. Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
  12. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  13. What does the clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  14. I dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings but I think I was just Tolkien in my sleep.
  15. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
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The Best Puns (16-30):

  1. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  2. I ordered 2000 lbs. of Chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
  3. With great reflexes comes great response ability.
  4. Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off?
  5. Why do the French eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
  6. A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason. Details are sketchy.
  7. Don’t make jokes about unemployed people. They don’t work.
  8. My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
  9. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
  10. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
  11. The best time to open a gift is the present.
  12. Why did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  13. I used to build stairs for a living but it’s an up and down business.
  14. Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
  15. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of the best puns listed above made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face now, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then please just click on the links below.

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21 best puns ever and guaranteed to make you smile

09/09/2024 by

Best-Puns-Ever-1I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect.

I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones.

Here of 21 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them dear reader then please let me know. That way I can give you full credit for your brilliance.

Best puns ever:

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, let that mango.
  4. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a sh** in days.
  5. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  6. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  7. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  9. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  10. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  11. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  13. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  14. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  15. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  16. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  17. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  18. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  19. I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda then I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
  20. A wife shouted to her husband that moose were falling from the sky. No, it’s just reindeer, he responded.
  21. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

Best-Puns-Ever-2Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Were these the best puns ever? Did they make you smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Articles you might enjoy:

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31 funny puns that are very cheesy but very amusing

05/25/2024 by

Funny PunsDo you like funny puns, dear reader? I hope so because I’ve put together a collection of 31 of them just for you.

Personally, I love funny puns and clever wordplay. Witty one-liners like this make me smile every time. Today’s collection is no exception.

I loved them all and I hope you will too. So take a moment, relax and enjoy them.

Funny Puns (1-20):

  1. Marriage proposals are so engaging.
  2. I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy. 
  3. What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
  4. The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.
  5. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? She was feline fine!
  6. What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
  7. Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  8. A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake. 
  9. I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side. 
  11. Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. 
  12. Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
  13. The invention of drones has given us a new perspective on things.
  14. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
  15. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
  16. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  17. A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
  18. The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
  19. I broke my finger at work today, but on the other hand, everything’s okay.
  20. Police were called to childcare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Funny Puns (21-31):

  1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  2. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
  3. I was fired from my job at the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
  4. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
  5. Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”
  6. If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
  7. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  8. I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
  9. My girlfriend really changed when she became a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
  10. My girlfriend says she’s been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in her head.
  11. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

Please share this post with your friends:

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When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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29 clever puns that’ll make you smile

04/22/2024 by

If you love clever puns then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader. I’ve put together a collection of 29 witty one-line puns that will make you smile, at least a little.

Certainly, they all made me smile and I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them too.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy them all. And then pass them on to your friends and colleagues.

Clever puns:

  1. With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
  2. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
  3. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
  4. An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
  5. I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
  6. Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.
  7. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  8. I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
  10. If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise, you might feel a bit ice-olated.
  11. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
  12. Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
  13. I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
  14. You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
  15. To whoever stole my broken bathroom scales, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
  16. Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
  17. I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
  18. Why are fish the easiest animals to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.
  19. I started a business selling yachts in my attic. Sails have gone through the roof.
  20. I wouldn’t let my children go to see the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  21. I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards and she said she’d deal with me later.
  22. I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
  23. Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
  24. The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
  25. What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
  26. I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
  27. My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
  28. I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
  29. Did you hear about the thieves who robbed a theatre during a performance? They stole the spotlight.

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So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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35 witty one-liners that are corny but fun

03/25/2024 by

Do you enjoy witty one-liners, dear reader? Well, today I’ve curated another collection of 35 just for you.

Yes, they’re all corny puns, that’s true, but they’re fun too, and they all made me smile. So I hope they brighten your day as well.

So, take a few minutes now to enjoy them all.

Witty one-liners:

  1. The periodic table is elementary knowledge.
  2. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but cats can.
  3. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
  4. If you know of any good fish jokes, let minnow.
  5. Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.
  6. Puns about menstruation are not funny. Period.
  7. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
  8. Be kind to dentists because they have fillings too.
  9. How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch? Tea, Rex?
  10. Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate clauses.
  11. No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder. 
  12. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  13. Which way did the programmers go? They went data way!
  14. I’m positive I just lost an electron. Better keep an ion that.
  15. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
  16. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  17. People tend to study gravity because it’s a pretty attractive field.
  18. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  19. If you use an umbrella, does that mean you’re under the weather?
  20. I heard a joke about a mythical sea monster and it’s still Kraken me up!
  21. After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent. 
  22. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
  23. I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
  24. I was going to donate part of my stomach, but I didn’t have the guts.
  25. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  26. I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it just clicked. 
  27. Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
  28. I’m working on a machine that can read minds. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
  29. Did you see the headlines this morning? “Man in boxers leads police on brief chase”.
  30. Apple is designing a new automatic car, but they’re having trouble installing Windows!
  31. I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares.
  32. I was on the toilet, angry and late for work. I thought to myself, “I don’t have time for this sh*t.”
  33. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presents.
  34. My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it’s flat. In the end, he came around.
  35. I got a pair of gloves today, but they’re both lefts. On the one hand, it’s great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

Please share this post with your friends:

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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25 corny puns that’ll make you smile or make you cringe

03/20/2024 by

Do you like corny puns, dear reader? I hope so, because I’ve pulled together 25 of them for you. They’ll make you smile or make you cringe, but either way, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the clever wordplay.

So sit back and take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

Corny Puns:

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

Share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these corny puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

01/24/2024 by

Funny PunsIf you like funny puns, then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope they will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile, but for me, the cornier the pun, the better.

So, I hope you enjoy them all, dear reader.

If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny puns:

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I cancelled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time with relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, “No change yet.”

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Funny PunsPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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