4 amusing short story jokes to make you laugh

04/13/2023 by

AMUSING SHORT STORY JOKESIf you’re in need of a little comic relief then here are 4 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

Amusing short story jokes:

1. Escaping a ticket:

Jim was finally enjoying a bit of freedom in life, so he decided to buy himself a new Mercedes C-Class Cabriolet.

On the day he collected it from the dealership he thought it would be a great idea to take his new toy out for a spin on the Interstate.

It was a pleasant evening, so with the top down and the wind in his hair he decided to really put his foot down until the pedal hit the metal.

The acceleration was amazing but as the car hit 90 mph. suddenly there was the sound of a siren and through his rearview mirror, Jim could see blue lights flashing.

Undaunted by this turn of events Jim just thought to himself, “There’s no way the cops will catch me in a Mercedes at full speed.”

And momentarily he kept the car going flat out until his speed exceeded 110 mph.

However, his nerve went when he realised that despite his speed the cops were actually gaining on him.

So the reality of his situation hit him and Jim thought, “What the hell am I doing?“

He slowed down and pulled over.

At the side of the road, the cop came up to him and said, “Sir, could I see your license please?”

Jim handed over his license.

The cop studied it momentarily and then said to Jim, “Sir, it’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and to be honest I really don’t feel like doing any more paperwork. So I’ll offer you a deal. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go without a ticket.“

Jim thought for a second and then said, “Officer, a month ago my wife ran off with a cop. Life has been so good since then but I was afraid you were chasing in an attempt to give her back to me.“

The cop smiled at Jim and said, “Have a nice weekend sir.”

And with that, he left Jim to enjoy his new car.

2. The price for a little fun:

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived home on Sunday evening he was confronted by his angry wife and, needless to say, she hurled abuse at him for nearly two hours in a tirade befitting his irresponsible actions.

Finally, as she stopped shouting at him, his wife said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me,” Bill responded unwisely.

Monday went by and Bill didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

However, on Thursday, the swelling had gone down sufficiently for Bill to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

3. Dumb man joke:

Jim is taking a shower in the bathroom and his wife shouts, “Did you find the shampoo, Jim?”

“Yes,” he responds, “but I’m not quite sure what to do, Irene.”

“Why’s that, Jim?” Irene asks.

“Well,” says Jim, “it says it’s for dry hair but I’ve just wet mine.“

4. Unexpected benefit:

Mike and his wife Liz had the misfortune to be caught up in a terrible road traffic accident, with multiple cars involved. Unfortunately in the carnage that followed, Liz’s face was severely burned.

She was taken to the local hospital where the doctor told Mike that she would need a skin graft on her face.

“The problem is,” said the doctor, “your wife is so thin we wouldn’t be able to use any skin from her body for the graft.”

“Could I donate skin from my body?” asked Mike.

“Yes, you can,” said the doctor. “However the only suitable skin would be skin from your buttocks.”

Mike explained the situation to Liz and asked whether skin from his buttocks would be acceptable to her.

“Well, as long as no one else knows where the skin came from,” said Liz.

Jim assured her that it would be their secret and the doctor also promised he would honour her request for secrecy.

So Liz had the surgery and when all the scars had healed everyone was amazed at how beautiful Liz now looked.

She’d always been attractive but she was now even more beautiful than she’d been before. All her friends and relatives couldn’t help commenting on her youthful beauty.

One day, Liz was sitting alone with Mike and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

“Mike, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s no way I could ever repay you,” said Liz.

Mike smiled and kissed her. Then he said, “Darling, think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Share this post and make others smile:

So were these amusing short story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped they would be, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you for your support.

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4 funny jokes to cheer up a friend and make you smile

04/03/2023 by

FUNNY JOKES TO CHEER UP A FRIENDIf you’re looking for some funny jokes to cheer up a friend, then how about these four I have on offer today?

I’ve told them to a few people recently and the responses have all been positive.

By positive I mean, laughter has followed.

So enjoy them all and feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny jokes to cheer up a friend:

1. The new store on Main Street:

Jerry and Mike were two young businessmen who were setting up a new store on Main Street.

The store wasn’t quite ready for opening yet, but at least all the shelves were now set up and located in their right places.

They’d had a very busy morning setting up those shelves, so they were now taking a well-earned break.

As they surveyed the results of all their hard work, Jerry said, “I’ll bet you any minute now someone will walk by, put their face to the window, and then ask what we’re selling.”

Mike smiled, but before he could respond, there was a little old lady peering through the glass. In a soft voice, she said, “What are you selling here?”

Well, Jerry couldn’t resist a sarcastic response.

“We’re selling assholes,” he said.

Right back at him, the little old lady responded, “You’re doing really well then. You’ve only got two left!”

2. The geek and the frog:

A geek is having his lunch on campus. It’s a beautiful spring day, so the geek is sitting on the grass outside the college building, brown bag in hand.

There’s a fountain close by and as he’s enjoying a sandwich, suddenly a frog hops from the water and straight over to speak to the geek.

“Hello,” says the frog. “Thank goodness you’re here. I’m a beautiful princess, but I’ve been cursed by the wicked witch. A kiss from you will break the spell. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful.”

The geek stares at the frog momentarily, then picks it up without saying a word and puts it in his pocket. Having finished his lunch, he then gets up and heads back towards the college building.

The frog can’t believe what’s happening.

“Hey, did you hear me?” the frog asks. “Kiss me, and you’ll have your own beautiful princess.”

The geek pats the frog on the head and begins to whistle.

The Frog is starting to get a little concerned.

“Please, help me,” says the frog. “I really don’t want to remain a frog. I want to be the princess I once was. If you kiss me, I’ll marry you. Then you’ll be royalty and you will lead a charmed life for as long as you live.”

“Look, froggy,” says the geek. “I’m a computer software geek. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend. However, a talking frog? Now, that’s really cool.”

3. The Affair:

A wealthy, married businessman from New York had been having an affair with an attractive Italian woman for a few months.

One night, during their regular rendezvous in Manhattan, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

For him, this was a huge problem, both in terms of the potential for reputational damage and the risk of a very expensive divorce.

So, he paid her a large sum of money and a regular monthly allowance on the basis that she agreed to go back to Italy to have the child.

He also promised her that if she stayed in Italy, he would pay her child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed to this proposal but then wondered how she could let him know when the baby was born.

“We’ll have to use a code,” said the man. “To keep it discrete, send me a postcard when the baby is born. And to confirm the baby’s birth, just write Spaghetti on the back.”

Nine months later, the wealthy businessman arrived home to find his wife looking very confused.

“Honey,” she said, “you’ve received a very odd postcard today.”

“Let me look,” he said.

His wife handed him the postcard and watched as he read it. He looked surprised, and quickly turned white, then red before he fainted.

On the postcard was written, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.“

4. The flying experience:

FUNNY JOKES TO CHEER UP A FRIENDBoarding was now complete on Flight 205 and all the passengers were seated and awaiting the pilot and co-pilot.

The pilot and co-pilot arrive, and as they climb up the steps to the plane, passengers notice they’re both wearing dark glasses and they both have long white sticks. They both actually appear to be blind, as they’re using the sticks to feel their way up the steps.

Well, naturally, the passengers start to freak out as they watch them struggle to feel the way into the cockpit, with the help of the cabin crew.

The cabin crew then prepare for departure, as if everything is normal, carrying out their final checks and so on.

Quickly, as it now all appears normal, the passengers start to calm down. They assume the pilot and co-pilot must have been having a joke at their expense.

Eventually, the plane moves off the stand and within minutes it is cleared for takeoff.

The plane is now racing down the runway.

At the end of the airport runway, there is a very steep cliff, falling away into the open sea.

As the plane speeds down the runway, there’s no sign of lift-off and the cliff edge is getting closer and closer by the second.

The passengers start screaming in panic but then suddenly the plane is airborne and, once again, calm returns.

In the cockpit at this moment, the pilot says to the co-pilot, “You know, one of these days, the passengers won’t scream early enough and we’re all going to die.”

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these funny jokes to cheer up a friend? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I’ll be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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4 very funny jokes to get you smiling a little

04/02/2023 by

VERY FUNNY JOKESLaughter is a great way to give yourself a boost. So today I offer you 4 very funny jokes to get you smiling, hopefully just a little.

I’m confident that you will enjoy them all, dear reader.

So take an unofficial break, enjoy them all and please, feel free to pass them on.

Very Funny Jokes:

1. Store policy:

The store manager overheard her sales assistant saying to an elderly customer, “No mam, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any soon.”

Alarmed by what she’d heard, the store manager rushed over to the elderly lady as she was leaving the store and said, “Mam, I am so sorry, the information you were given was incorrect. We will actually have some very soon. We’ve placed an order today.”

The elderly lady gave the store manager a slightly puzzled look, but then just smiled and left the store.

The store manager then walked back over to her sales assistant and said very sternly, “You must never say that we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we have it on order and we expect it any day. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, mam!” responded the sales assistant.

“So what was it the old lady was asking for?” enquired the store manager.

“Rain”, responded her sales assistant.

2. Bad news:

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well,” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked Dan.

“No, but it’ll get you used to the dirt”, responded the physician.

3. The Parking Ticket:

Let me tell you a story about something that happened last week. My wife and I went into town to do some shopping. We came out of a store only to see a cop writing out a parking ticket.

Naturally, I went up to him and said, “Come on buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a break?“

Well, he just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

As he completed the ticket and was putting it on the windshield, I called him an “asshole.”

Well, he just glared at me and then started writing another ticket, this time for having worn-out tires.

As he completed that ticket, my wife called him a “jerk.”

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we called him offensive names, the more tickets he wrote. Having slapped the last one on the windshield, he then started walking away with a smirk on his face.

Just then our bus arrived, so we got on it and went home.

Moral of the Story: When you’re retired it’s essential you look for ways to have a little fun each day.

4. Embarrassing situations:

VERY FUNNY JOKESBy nature, Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white-wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off this woman and eventually, he plucked up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”

Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was happening.

So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he’d finished his drink.

However, a couple of minutes later the attractive woman walked over to him and apologised.

“I’m really sorry”, she said. “I’m actually a PhD student at Harvard and I’m doing research on how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?”

Please share this post:

If you enjoyed these very funny jokes, dear reader, then please share this blog post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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12 funniest jokes you’ll read today

04/01/2023 by

FUNNIEST JOKESWe all need a smile or two occasionally. Jokes cheer us up and laughter is the best medicine. So today I offer you 12 of the funniest jokes, each in two lines.

Let me say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them.

However, I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either.

Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author then please let me know.

I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors. In the meantime, enjoy them all!

Funniest Jokes:

  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
  • You only need a parachute if you plan to go skydiving twice
  • Parallel lines have so much in common
  • It’s a shame they’ll never meet
  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I earn
  • Then they call me ugly and poor
  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
  • You have my Word
  • I went to an emotional wedding the other day
  • Even the cake was in tiers
  • Someone stole my mood ring
  • I don’t know how I feel about that
  • I tried to catch fog yesterday
  • Mist
  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
  • If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
  • She looked surprised
  • I threw a boomerang a few years ago
  • I now live in constant fear
  • A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
  • The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?
  • To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
  • I say, “Your dog may be your best friend but will it pick you up from the airport? I think not.”

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If you enjoyed these funny jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

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4 short story funny jokes that’ll brighten your day

03/28/2023 by

SHORT STORY FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some short story funny jokes then I have four excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident that at least one or two of them will tickle you.

So, take an unofficial break, grab a coffee, relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Short story funny jokes:

1. Surprise Party:

Jane had a craving for Heinz beans and unwisely consumed three plates of beans during lunch break at work one day.

Now, on the day in question, it happened to be Jane’s birthday and when she got home from work her husband Jim, met her excitedly at the door.

“Darling, I’ve got a surprise for dinner tonight,” said Jim.

And with that, he blindfolded Jane and led her by the hand, through the house, into the dining room and sat her down at the table.

As Jane sat down, and just as Jim was about to remove her blindfold, she heard the telephone ring in the hall.

“Darling,” said Jim, “bear with me for a second whilst I answer the telephone but please, please don’t remove your blindfold until I get back. I want to video your reaction for posting on Facebook. No peeking!”

Well, Jane was actually quite grateful for this fortunate interruption because those beans had started to percolate, generating intestinal gases within her that were building up a pressure of such magnitude that she felt like she was about to explode.

She reasoned that Jim would be gone for a few minutes, so she thought it would be safe to seize the opportunity to release this flatulence.

Release it she did and it was not only loud but it smelled like a surfeit of skunks in a garbage dump. It was a truly awful smell.

However, the relief for Jane was instant, and she quickly used her napkin to fan the air vigorously in the hope that the gas would be dispersed by the time Jim returned.

Well, unfortunately, her gas problem didn’t end there and Jane was forced to release several more minor, intestinal explosions, the smell of which was just unimaginably bad.

However, for Jane, the pleasure of releasing all this gas pressure was indescribable. It was just such a relief, so she wafted her napkin as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to improve the air quality in the dining room before Jim returned.

Within a few minutes, Jim did return, apologising profusely for his absence.

“I hope you’ve not been peeking, whilst I’ve been away,” Jim said playfully.

Jane was quick to confirm she hadn’t.

At this point, Jim removed her blindfold, only to reveal that they were accompanied by 12 dinner guests all seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, as they shouted, “Happy Birthday, Jane!“

2. Strange Bar:

Jake walked into a Manhattan bar and he sits down at the counter.

He then says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, where can I get some cigarettes?”

“There’s a cigarette machine over there in the corner by the john,” the bartender replies.

So Jake walks over to the machine and just as he’s about to select his preferred brand of cigarettes, the machine says, “Hey, you’re a freakin’ idiot!“

Jake is stunned momentarily. Then he thinks, “That’s really not very nice!” So he returns to the counter without any cigarettes.

As he sits on his stool again, he asks the bartender for some peanuts in an attempt to distract himself from his craving for a smoke.

The bartender passes him a bowl of peanuts and, as he does so, Jake hears one of the peanuts say, “Hey buddy, I like the way you’ve styled your hair.“

So Jake says to the bartender, “Hey man, this place is weird. Your cigarette machine insults me and then the peanuts are coming on to me. What is this?“

The bartender smiles and replies, “Oh, that’s because the cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary,“

3. Communication problem:

Interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, the judge asks, “Mam, what are the grounds for your divorce?“

“About four acres with a nice, detached villa in the middle of the property,” she replies.

“No, mam,” says the judge, “I meant what is the foundation of this case?“

“It’s made of concrete, bricks and mortar,” the woman responds.

“No, mam,” he continued, “I meant what are your relations like?“

“Well,” says the woman, “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and two cousins living in the next county.”

The judge thought momentarily and then said, “Do you have a real grudge?“

“No, sir,” the woman replies, “we have a two-car carport, so we’ve never really needed one.“

“Mam, please,” said the judge trying once again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?“

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets,” the woman replied, “We’re not people who like to listen to music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

Struggling to maintain his composure, the judge has another try, “Mam, does your husband ever beat you up?“

“Yes, sir,” she responds, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asks, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?“

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she says.

“Then why are we here?” the judge responds.

“My husband wants a divorce,” the woman replies. “He says he can’t communicate with me.“

4. Admission to the Kingdom of Heaven:

Music legend, Dolly Parton and King Charles, the UK’s monarch, sadly pass away on exactly the same day.

They find themselves standing together at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter studiously reviews his cloud-connected, tablet computer momentarily before saying, “Now, I have some bad news for you I’m afraid. We’ve had a lot of admissions to Heaven today, so there’s only one place left. Therefore I must ask you both to give me one good reason why you should be the one to take that place. And of course, the best reason will get the place.”

They glance at each other briefly and then Dolly opens her blouse quickly to reveal her very impressive assets.

She then says to St Peter, “These are the finest in Creation and I’m confident the Lord would want the opportunity to admire the results of his excellent work each and every day for eternity.”

“Thank you, Dolly,” says St Peter. He then looks at His Royal Highness, the King and says, “Your Majesty, what’s your reason?”

Now, right next to the Pearly Gates is a restroom for the convenience not only of St Peter himself but also for every soul standing in line awaiting a decision as to whether they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

His Royal Highness says absolutely nothing in response to St Peter’s question but he walks into the restroom and flushes the toilet.

He then returns to stand next to Dolly and awaits St Peter’s decision.

St Peter spends a moment considering the matter and he then says, “Your Majesty, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Naturally, Dolly is less than happy with his decision.

“Now just hold it a minute there fella!” says Dolly. “I reveal the finest pair ever created and all he does is flush the john.  And then she gets admitted? How can that be right? That’s sexism, surely?”

St Peter smiles at Dolly and says, “I understand why you’re not happy Dolly but you must accept that even in Heaven a Royal Flush beats a pair.”

Please share the fun:

So for you dear reader, did these short story funny jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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5 Best funny jokes for adults that’ll make you laugh

03/27/2023 by

BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you’re looking for the best funny jokes for adults, then here are five gems for you today.

I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break for a good laugh.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

An atheist boards a flight from Dallas to New York and sits next to a dusty old cowboy.

As he’s taking his seat the atheist says to the cowboy, “Well, howdy. Would you like to talk? I find flights go quicker when you can have a conversation with a fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, puts down the inflight magazine he’d been reading and says, “What would you want to talk about, buddy?”

“Well,” says the atheist, with a smug smile, “we could talk about why there’s no God. How about we discuss why there’s no Heaven, no Hell, and no life after death?”

The old cowboy smiles a knowing smile and then says, “Yeah, they might be interesting topics to discuss but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass, right? Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces clumps of manure. Now, why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist is surprised by this question but he thinks momentarily and then in response he says, “Well, I really have no idea.”

The old cowboy smiles a wry smile and then replies, “So, why do you feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death when clearly you don’t know much?”

2. The challenge:

Jeff was a teenage boy who’d just passed his driving test. Naturally, he was keen to start driving. So, he asked his dad if he could use the family car on Sundays when otherwise it was unused.

“Well, Jeff,” said his dad, “I’d need you to bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut before I’d be willing to talk about you using the car.”

Jeff thought about it momentarily, realised it was the best offer he was likely to get, and so, he decided to accept his dad’s offer. And with that, they shook hands on it.

At the end of the semester, Jeff’s dad said, “Son, I’m pleased you’ve improved your grades, and your willingness to study the bible hasn’t gone unnoticed either, but I’m disappointed you still haven’t had your hair cut.”

“Dad,” said Jeff, “I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed from my Bible study that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.“

Dad smiled at Jeff and then said, “And did you also notice that they all had to walk everywhere they went?“

3. The corny pun 1:

During colonial times, William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, was one of Philadelphia’s most prominent citizens.

Penn had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best you could buy anywhere.

After many years of success, the two aunts had a serious falling out.

The falling out was so serious that they stopped speaking to one another altogether. Then one moved across the street and opened her own bakery, putting the two in competition.

It wasn’t long before there was a price war going on between them, with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other.

Eventually, it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost.

By this time, the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

4. The corny pun 2:

Elmer and Buck are two hillbillies having lunch in Denny’s restaurant. They’re sitting at the counter, enjoying their food, and discussing their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman seated at a nearby table begins to cough, violently.

It seems the bite she’d taken from her club sandwich had gone down the wrong way.

She continues to cough violently for a minute or so, and she’s starting to get quite distressed.

Elmer walks over to the lady and says, “Mam, kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head, suggesting she couldn’t, as she continued to struggle with her breathing.

“Mam, kin ya breathe?” Elmer continues.

Again, she indicates she can’t, as she begins to turn blue.

At this point Elmer, grabs the woman’s skirt, lifting it, before yanking down her underwear, and then he starts licking her right butt cheek with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, Elmer returns to the counter and, as he does so, Buck says to him, “Ya know, I’d herd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it, until now.”

5. The emergency landing:

Jack and Mabel are an elderly couple, flying to Hawaii for a vacation to celebrate their Golden Wedding anniversary.

They’re enjoying the inflight service when suddenly over the public address system, the captain makes an announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news to share with you. We’re having serious problems with all four engines, and we have no choice but to make an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a remote island just ahead of us with a long, flat beach. We should be able to land the plane safely. However, we also have problems with our communications, so we won’t be able to summon help. So, we may never be rescued, and we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this island.”

The pilot manages to land the plane safely and the passengers all exit the aircraft via the inflatable, evacuation slides.

They’re all wandering around the beach looking a little bewildered, when Mabel says to Jack, “Honey, what are we going to do?”

Jack thinks momentarily and then says, “Mabel, did you manage to make the car lease payment this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mabel responds sheepishly, “I was so excited about our trip that I forgot.”.

“Well,” Jack continues, “how about settling our credit card bill? Did you manage to do that before we left?”

“Oh no, I didn’t!” says Mabel, “and it was a big one this month with all the expense of this holiday.”

“Right, then” Jack continues, “did you manage to settle the medical bill for the hospital treatment I had last month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mable responds, getting visibly upset, “again, I forgot.

Jack gives Mabel the biggest hug and then he says, “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, dear. We owe money, so they’ll find us!”

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BEST FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTSIf you thought that these were the best funny jokes for adults, dear reader, then please share this post on social media with your friends.

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4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

03/24/2023 by

FUNNY CAN'T STOP LAUGHING JOKESIf you’re in need of a laugh, here are 4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll just love.

They all tickled me and I’m confident they will tickle you too.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And when you’re done, feel free to share the fun.

Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave him their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. You can’t win:

A Highway Patrol officer pulls over a speeding car on Interstate 5.

“Sir, I’ve just clocked your speed at 80 miles per hour,” says the officer.

“How’s that possible, officer?” says the driver. “I was driving the car on cruise control set at 55. I think your radar gun must need re-calibrating.”

As she continues with her knitting, his wife says: “Now come on dear, be honest with the officer. You know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer is writing up the ticket, the driver looks angrily at his wife and says, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut!”

His wife smiles innocently and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did, or your speed would have been even higher.”

The Highway Patrol officer immediately starts writing up a second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector.

Once again, the driver stares at his wife angrily.

“Listen, women,” says the driver, “just keep your mouth shut, please.”

The officer frowns as he’s listening to this exchange and then says, “Sir, I noticed you weren’t wearing your seat belt. I’m afraid that’s an automatic fine of $75.”

“Please, officer,” says the guy, “I did have it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my coat pocket.”

To which his wife responds, “Now, you know that’s not true, dear. You didn’t have your seat belt on because you never wear your seat belt.”

The Highway Patrol officer starts writing up a third ticket, as the driver explodes and screams at his wife, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”

At this point, the Highway Patrol officer looks over at the wife and asks, politely, “Mam, does your husband always speak to you this way?”

She looks at her husband innocently and then says, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

4. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercises and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low-fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

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funny can't stop laughing jokesIf you enjoyed these funny, can’t-stop-laughing jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

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4 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh

03/23/2023 by

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY STORY JOKESToday I offer you 4 hilariously funny story jokes that I’m confident will make you smile.

We all need to laugh, every day. There’s nothing better than a good laugh with your friends.

So here are 4 great jokes you can tell your friends to make them laugh.

Enjoy them all. And please, feel free to pass them on.

Hilariously funny story jokes:

1. Immaculate conception:

Jenny Smith accompanies her 15-year-old daughter Caitlyn to the doctor.

“Good evening Mrs Smith”, says the doctor, “how can I be of help today?”

“Well Doctor Morgan, it’s my daughter Caitlyn”, says Mrs Smith, “she’s putting on weight, she’s being sick in the mornings and she keeps getting these cravings.”

The kindly doctor smiles and then says, “Right then let me take a look at her.”

He then examines Caitlyn thoroughly before turning to her mother and saying, “Well, I’m not quite sure how to break this news to you Mrs Smith but your daughter is pregnant. Probably about three months gone, I would estimate.“

Jenny Smith is shocked. “Pregnant?” she says to the doctor.

“Yes mam”, the doctor responds.

“But how can that be?” says Mrs Smith. “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. Do you Caitlyn?”

“No mom, I don’t” Caitlyn responds nervously. “I’ve never even kissed a boy and I’m still a virgin.”

Doctor Morgan walks across to the window in his surgery and starts gazing out into the evening sky.

A few minutes pass before Mrs Smith feels compelled to say, “What’s the problem doctor is something wrong out there?“

“No, not really”, Doctor Morgan replies, “but the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men arrived on camels to witness the event. That’s definitely a spectacle I didn’t want to miss.“

2. If a job matters, don’t leave it to a man:

Gloria is getting increasingly concerned that her 3-year-old son Billy looks completely different to both her and her husband Jeff.

So she decides to take Billy for a DNA test.

The results from the DNA test reveal that Billy is actually from completely different parents.

So when Jeff arrives home from work, Gloria says, “Honey, I’ve got something really serious to tell you.“

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jeff responds.

“Well”, says Gloria, “according to DNA test results, Billy is not our child.“

To which Jeff responds, “Well don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, ‘Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here’.”

3. County work:

Jim stops at a gas station on Interstate 5, fills his tank, pays for the gas and, in doing so, also buys a can of cherry cola.

Before moving on, Jim stands by his car drinking his cola.  As he does so, he watches a couple of guys working along the roadside.

One of the guys digs a hole about two feet deep, then moves on.

The other guy follows the first guy filling in the hole that had just been dug.

And each time the first guy digs a new hole, the other guy is about 20 feet behind him filling in the previous hole.

Jim watches this for a while and then feels compelled to say something.

So, as the two workmen get close to where Jim is standing, he says to them, “Hey guys, just hold it a minute. Why are you digging holes and then just filling them in again?”

“Well,” said the first guy, “we work for the county.”

“So, you work for the county,” says Jim, “but one of you is digging a hole and the other is just filling it in again. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you just wasting the county’s money?“

“Hey buddy, you don’t understand,” says the first guy, leaning on his shovel and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Normally there’s three of us,” the second guy chips in.

“That’s right,” said the first guy, “There’s normally there’s me, Mike here, and Phil but Phil’s sick today.”

“Yeah!” says Mike, “Bill here digs the hole, Phil plants a tree and then I shovel the dirt back in.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I get it, but Phil’s not here so there’s no tree.”

“Yeah!” Bill responds. “But just because Phil’s not here doesn’t mean that we don’t still have work to do!”

4. You can’t outsmart an old dog:

An old dog strays into a jungle and gets himself completely lost.

A hungry lion basking in the sunspots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself “I’ve not seen this type of animal before but he sure looks edible.”

The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly towards the old dog, gradually picking up the pace before he then sprints towards the dog with real menace in his eyes.

The old dog sees the charging lion and naturally, he starts to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances?

However, the old dog is also very smart and he realises he cannot outrun the lion. So having noticed some bones next to him on the ground he picks one up and starts chewing at it.

As the lion gets close, he then says loudly, “Hmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!“

Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.

The lion stares at the old dog thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks. It’s might be a good idea to leave him alone.“

A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened and recognises that the old dog has managed to fool the lion.

Naturally, the monkey thinks that this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage.

So he goes over to the lion and tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might just get something in return.

The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on my back now and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget“.

So with the monkey on his back, the lion once again starts rushing in the old dog’s direction.

Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realizes what’s happened. He starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea.

He then starts to act like he’s searching for something until they get close and then to ensure they hear him he shouts loudly, “Where’s that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.“

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hilariously funny story jokesSo dear reader, did these hilariously funny story jokes make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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3 funny joke stories your friends will love

03/22/2023 by

FUNNY JOKE STORIESDo you enjoy funny joke stories, dear reader?

Those little stories you can embellish, as you tell them, and which always have a funny punch line.

Well, I love them and here are three that were new to me and that I thought you might enjoy.

Take a moment to read them all and feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Shock for the preacher’s wife:

Jeff and Emma both had demanding jobs, working on Wall Street, and they’d decided it was time for them to take a break, catch a little sunshine and relax down in Acapulco for a week.

As luck would have it, on the day they were due to depart Emma had to deal with an emergency at the investment bank in which she worked.

So they agreed that Jeff would go as planned, and Emma would take a later flight and meet him the following day, at the hotel.

When Jeff arrived at the hotel, having checked in, he decided that it would a good idea to email Emma and let her know he’d arrived safely.

Now Jeff and Emma were active members of the congregation at a Lutheran Church in Manhattan and the wife of the preacher from the church was Emma Davis, which coincidently was exactly the same name as Jeff’s wife, Emma.

In his haste to type out his message, Jeff managed to select the wrong Emma Davis from his contact list, and his message went to the preacher’s wife by mistake.

To compound the problem, it just so happened that the elderly preacher had died suddenly, on the day that Jeff had departed for Acapulco.

So, when the grieving widow checked her emails, she saw she had a message from a parishioner and naturally she opened it and began reading.

Immediately she let out a loud, piercing scream and then she fainted, collapsing to the floor.

At the sound of her falling, her daughter rushed into the room. Her daughter looked at her mother and then glanced at the message her mother had been reading on her iPad.

The email message read:

Dearest Emma,

I’ve just arrived. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.

2. Old age problem:

Jack was on his lunch break and he decided that he’d sit in the sunshine in Central Park to eat his lunch.

As he walked into the park, he noticed an elderly man sitting on a bench near the gate, sobbing uncontrollably.

Naturally, Jack stopped and asked the old man what was wrong.

“I have a beautiful, 39-year-old wife at home,” said the old man. “She’s loving, kind and every morning she gets up and makes me pancakes for breakfast, with Maple syrup, blueberries and freshly ground coffee.”

“Wow!” said Jack. “She sounds wonderful. So, why are you crying?”

The old man continued to sob. “She cleans my house and keeps it spotless and tidy. Then she makes me delicious clam chowder and crackers for lunch. And in the afternoon she sits with me and we watch the sports channel for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Gee!” Jack responded. “Women like that are hard to find. So, why are you crying?”

With a tear in his eye, the old man said, “For dinner, she always cooks a delicious, gourmet meal with French wine and a fabulous dessert. And after dinner, we cuddle on the sofa watching television until bedtime.”

“You’re a lucky man”, said Jack, “and I really don’t understand why in the world you would be crying?”

The old man looked up and sighed, “I can’t remember where I live.”

Funny Joke Stories3. An expression of love:

Jane was a born romantic at heart and she liked nothing better than to send her husband, Jim, a loving text message whenever he was away on business.

One morning, when Jim was away, she decided to send him a text message when she knew he was likely to be in his hotel room getting ready for the business day ahead.

Her message read, “If you’re still sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. Perhaps you’re still eating, in which case send me a bite. And if you’re drinking your morning coffee, then send me a sip. I love you!”

Unfortunately for Jane, Jim was your typically blunt, unromantic kind of guy. He responded, “I’m on the toilet, taking a dump. Please advise.”

Please share the fun:

So for you dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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Funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

03/21/2023 by

Funny political satire In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a new host in Fiona Bruce but it’s still just a lot of hot air I think.

Essentially it’s just a carefully selected bunch of people with rigid views coupled with an inability to understand why others may think the way they do. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is nowadays.

Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and funny political satire.

So if you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s hilarious and for me, they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

Funny political satire:

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So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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