25 quotes from Seinfeld show guaranteed to make you smile

Today I’m looking back at some memorable quotes from Seinfeld show.

One of the best sitcoms of all time for me was the Seinfeld show. It was a masterclass of petty sarcasm and social absurdity. I’ve seen every episode of every season multiple times, and they still make me smile.

So, take a few moments to enjoy these little zingers.

And, please, feel free to share them.

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  1. “No soup for you!”
    The Soup N*zi
  2. “I’m speechless. I am without speech.”
    George Costanza
  3. “You double-dipped the chip!”
    Timmy (George’s chip scandal)
  4. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
    Jerry (recurring)
  5. “Serenity now!”
    Frank Costanza
  6. “I don’t trust men in capes.”
    Jerry Seinfeld
  7. “Yada yada yada…”
    Elaine Benes
  8. “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?”
    George Costanza
  9. “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”
    Elaine Benes
  10. “You had s*x with the cleaning lady on your desk?”
    Jerry Seinfeld
  11. “You’re so good looking!”
    Jerry (after sneezing joke)
  12. “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
    Kramer (and everyone else)
  13. “I was in the pool!”
    George Costanza
  14. “She had man hands.”
    Jerry Seinfeld
  15. “I’m not the one going to hell.”
    David Puddy
  16. “You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!”
    Kramer (via Elaine’s dad)
  17. “I’m out.”
    Jerry (from The Contest)
  18. “She’s a two-face!”
    Jerry, describing the lighting-dependent date
  19. “A Festivus for the rest of us!”
    Frank Costanza
  20. “The sea was angry that day, my friends.”
    George Costanza
  21. “He took it out.”
    Elaine (referring to a guy’s move mid-date)
  22. “You know how to take the reservation; you just don’t know how to hold the reservation.”
    Jerry Seinfeld
  23. “A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
    George (about worlds colliding)
  24. “Jerry, just remember: it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
    George Costanza
  25. I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
    Jerry Seinfeld

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20 classic Elaine Benes quotes that’ll make you smile

Elaine Benes QuotesAnother offering in my series with the theme of memorable sitcom characters, today I thought it would be entertaining to take a look back at some classic Elaine Benes quotes.

Who can forget this brilliant character from the American sitcom Seinfeld, played by the hugely talented Julia Louis-Dreyfus?

Elaine was a woman holding her own in a man’s world. She was smart and funny and she brought a sparkle to the show. However, like all memorable sitcom characters, she was essentially a little flawed too, as you’ll appreciate from the quotes today.

If you love Seinfeld, I’m sure you will be a fan of Elaine Benes.

However, if you’re not old enough to remember Seinfeld and Elaine Benes, in particular, then you’ll find plenty of amusing clips from this sitcom, and featuring the character Elaine Benes, on YouTube.

They’re all brilliant and definitely well worth a little piece of your time.

So check them out but not before you’ve enjoyed these 20 classic Elaine Benes quotes, which I’m confident will raise a smile or two, and will probably resonate with many female readers too, I’m sure.

Elaine Benes Quotes:

  1. I’m dead now. Gotta go! ~ Elaine Benes
  2. I’m not a lesbian! I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian. ~ Elaine Benes
  3. Some people should just give up. I have. ~ Elaine Benes
  4. I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie. ~ Elaine Benes
  5. We just tease someone ’til they develop an eating disorder. ~ Elaine Benes
  6. I had to take a sick day. I’m so sick of these people. ~ Elaine Benes
  7. He’s a wonderful guy, but I hate his guts. ~ Elaine Benes
  8. Well, that’s the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight. ~ Elaine Benes
  9. I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He’s a re-gifter! ~ Elaine Benes
  10. You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn’t necessarily make you a homosexual. ~ Elaine Benes
  11. I can’t do this anymore, it’s too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die! ~ Elaine Benes
  12. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. I mean, to me, that’s one of the most important parts of a relationship. ~ Elaine Benes
  13. You know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there’s even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off. ~ Elaine Benes
  14. Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to Hell. ~ Elaine Benes
  15. I mean the problem is that the good ones know they’re good. And they know they’re in such demand they’re just not interested in confining themselves to one person. ~ Elaine Benes
  16. That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She’s a menace to society. ~ Elaine Benes
  17. Kramer, you don’t understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand. ~ Elaine Benes
  18. You know your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple and then BOOM, suddenly hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it. ~ Elaine Benes
  19. Yeah, since she met him she’s been vomited on, her family cabin’s been burned down, she learned her father’s a homosexual, and she got fired from a high-paying network job. Yeah, they had a real good thing going. ~ Elaine Benes
  20. This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, here’s the one thing you’ve gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it’s over. I mean, something happens to their personality; it’s really quite astounding. It’s like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there. ~ Elaine Benes

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Did you find these classic Elaine Benes quotes amusing dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you.

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