25 dark humor quotes that will brighten your day

dark humor quotesIf you’re looking for some dark humor quotes, dear reader, I’ve pulled together 25 that will brighten your day. Well, I hope so, anyway.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all and then please feel free to pass them on.

Sharing smiles is the most useful thing any of us can do. Laughter is always the best medicine.

Dark humor quotes:

  1. I’m not lazy. I just have an energy-saving mode.
  2. People believe in God but does God believe in people?
  3. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  4. Where would you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it.
  5. I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
  6. Just be yourself is not necessarily the best advice for everyone.
  7. In life, occasionally you’re the pigeon but mostly you’re the statue.
  8. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
  9. If at first, you don’t succeed, remove all evidence that you even tried.
  10. Never hit anyone with glasses. If you must hit them, use a baseball bat.
  11. Friendship’s more important than money. Unless someone owes you $100.
  12. Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
  13. ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing unless you’re at a funeral.
  14. If one door opens when another one closes, your house is probably haunted.
  15. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you could be missing out on the joke of the day.
  16. My house is like the Bermuda Triangle. Stuff comes in never to be seen again.
  17. Why doesn’t my phone fly when I put it in airplane mode? I’d really like to know.
  18. Everyone brings joy to my house. Some when they arrive; others when they leave.
  19. If rabbits’ feet are so lucky, you’d have to ask, “What happened to the rabbit?”
  20. I always said I wanted to be somebody but perhaps I should have been more specific.
  21. Smell is one of the biggest triggers of memory. How will you be remembered?
  22. I’m not known for being tough but I have the heart of a lion. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
  23. I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s a very dark and spooky place, then you’re going first.
  24. My grief counsellor died last week. However he was so good at his job, it hasn’t bothered me at all.
  25. The quickest way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. An axe through the chest would be a lot quicker.

Thought-for-the-DayPlease share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of these dark humor quotes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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