25 comedy movie quotes to make you smile

09/18/2025 by

Today I’m exploring comedy movie quotes. Those little gems we all enjoy from our favourite movies.

I’ve curated 25 such quotes, just for you, dear reader.

I hope you enjoy them all.

Feel free to share them with your friends.

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Comedy Movie Quotes

  1. “You’re so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.”
    — Joe Dirt (David Spade), Joe Dirt
  2. “I have two moods: sleep and hungry.”
    — Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson), Pitch Perfect
  3. “I’m not great at farewells, so… that’ll do, pig.”
    — Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), Deadpool
  4. “You’re not ugly, society is.”
    — Napoleon Dynamite (Jon Heder), Napoleon Dynamite
  5. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
    — Mugatu (Will Ferrell), Zoolander
  6. “It’s like I’m the only one who’s not on drugs here.”
    — Annie (Kristen Wiig), Bridesmaids
  7. “Well, I like you, but I’m not gonna cry if you get eaten by zombies.”
    — Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Zombieland
  8. “If you were anymore dense, we’d call you a black hole.”
    — Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Iron Man 2
  9. “I’m sorry I called you an idiot. I honestly thought you already knew.”
    — Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
  10. “Life is not the French Riviera, it’s the DMV with fluorescent lighting.”
    — Violet Weston (Meryl Streep), August: Osage County
  11. “You’re like a weird, sad puppy who can’t stop talking.”
    — Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), Deadpool
  12. “Your incompetence is stupefying.”
    — Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), Austin Powers
  13. “No offense, but your face makes me sad.”
    — Red (Craig Robinson), This Is the End
  14. “You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon.”
    — Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
    (Technically not American, but widely quoted in American media with sarcasm!)
  15. “I’m surrounded by idiots.”
    — Scar (Jeremy Irons), The Lion King
  16. “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”
    — O Brother, Where Art Thou? (George Clooney)
  17. “I’d rather be dead in a ditch than go to your party.”
    — Olive Penderghast (Emma Stone), Easy A
  18. “I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”
    — Emily (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
  19. “You sit on a throne of lies.”
    — Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
  20. “I’m not rude. I’m honest. There’s a difference.”
    — Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson), Avengers: Endgame
  21. “The only thing you’re going to be catching is these hands.”
    — Shuri (Letitia Wright), Black Panther
  22. “So you agree? You think you’re really pretty.”
    — Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chabert), Mean Girls
  23. “That’s not a burn book. That’s a diary with aggression issues.”
    — Regina George (Rachel McAdams), Mean Girls
  24. “You can’t sit with us!”
    — Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried), Mean Girls
  25. “I didn’t come here to make friends.”
    — Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), Legally Blonde (used ironically)

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30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

06/17/2025 by

Are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused, dear reader? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

Feel free to pass them on.

COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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Comedy one-liners (1-10):

  1. I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
  2. Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
  3. I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
  4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
  5. Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
  6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
  7. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  8. Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
  9. I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
  10. I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

  1. I’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
  2. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  4. If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
  5. I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
  6. Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
  8. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  9. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  10. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

  1. I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
  2. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  3. I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
  4. I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
  5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  7. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  8. I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.
  9. Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
  10. What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.
COMEDY ONE-LINERS
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Please share with your friends:

So, dear reader, did these comedy one-liners make you smile? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’ll be forever grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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