If you’re looking for some funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues, then here are five that might just bring a smile to your face.
I’ve tried them on a few friends, and they all laughed out loud.
So I hope they make you smile too.
Enjoy them all.
Funny stories to tell:
1. The Psychiatrist:
Now I hate to admit this, but ever since I was a child, I’ve had a fear that someone is under my bed at night.
My condition got so bad that I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist, and I explained my problem to her.
I was quite honest with her, and I just said, “Every time I go to bed, I fear that someone is hiding under it. I’m really scared, and I think I’m going crazy.”
“I can help you,” she said. “If you put yourself in my hands for about a year, I can help you overcome your problem.”
“What do I have to do?” I asked.
“Well,” said the psychiatrist, “if you come here for therapy three times a week for about a year, we should be able to help you get rid of your fears.”
“How much do you charge?” I asked, naturally.
“For each visit, the fee is $100.” The psychiatrist replied.
That needed a little thought, so I said, “Look, I think I’ll sleep on it, and I’ll come back to you if necessary.“
Six months later, as I’m walking down Main Street, I bump into the psychiatrist, and she remembers me.
“You didn’t come back to see me about those fears you were having,” she said.
“Well,” I responded, “when I left your office that day, I went into a bar for a drink, to think it over. I was explaining the situation to the bartender, and when I told him how much it would cost, he said he could offer me a solution that was guaranteed for $10.”
“Really?” said the psychiatrist, sounding more than a little irritated. “And how, may I ask, was your bartender able to resolve a complex psychological problem for just $10?”
“He told me to cut the legs off my bed,” I said. “I did, and no one can get under there now.”
2. The wealthy widower:
At 70 years old, Frank was now an extremely wealthy widower.
One day, Frank arrived at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful young woman who was just 25 years old.
This young lady was absolutely stunning, and she had it all. Good looks, personal charm, and perfect manners, and she hung on Frank’s arm, listening to his every word intently.
Well, Frank’s buddies were both impressed and more than a little jealous.
They were all muttering to each other and wondering how Frank was able to date such an amazing woman.
At the first opportunity, Frank’s buddy Jim corners him and asks, “Hey Frank, how did you get yourself such an attractive girlfriend?”
“She isn’t my girlfriend,” Frank responds. “She’s my wife.”
Jim can’t believe it, but he needs to know the secret of Frank’s success.
“That’s amazing,” says Jim, “but how did you persuade her to marry you?”
“I lied about my age,” says Frank.
Jim laughs out loud and then says, “Really? I suppose you told her you were only 50 then?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” says Frank. “I told her I was 90, with a terminal illness.”
3. Tortoises picnic:
Three tortoises, Razzle, Tinker, and Jimbob, were old friends who hadn’t seen each other for some considerable time, so they decided to go on a picnic.
Razzle packs the picnic basket with all the delicious things tortoises like to eat, such as weeds, grasses, dandelions, clover, turnip greens, fruit, and vegetables. And they take some bottles of beer too.
Now their favourite picnic spot is over a mile away from where they live, so it takes them a week to get there.
When they finally arrive, Razzle unpacks the food and the beer.
As he’s doing this, he says casually to Jimbob, “Did you bring the bottle opener?”
“No,” says Jimbob, “I didn’t bring it.”
Razzle then turns to Tinker and says, “Did you bring the bottle opener?”
“No,” says Tinker, “I didn’t bring it.”
So, they’re a mile from home with no bottle opener.
Razzle and Tinker then try to persuade Jimbob that, as it was his job to bring the bottle opener, he should go back for it.
“If I go back,” says Jimbob, “it will take me a week to get there and a week to get back. While I’m gone, you two will eat all this delicious food.”
Razzle and Tinker promise him they won’t eat the food until he returns, and so, reluctantly, he agrees.
So, Jimbob heads off down the road.
Two weeks pass, but Jimbob hasn’t returned. By now, Razzle and Tinker are starving, but they’ve made a promise.
Another five days pass, and there’s still no sign of Jimbob, but they’ve made a promise.
After another three days, there’s still no sign of Jimbob, but Razzle and Tinker are now starving. So, they start eating the food.
At that moment, Jimbob suddenly appears from behind a large rock and shouts, “I knew you’d eat the food, so I’m not going!”
4. Seamus and his mule:
Seamus was an old Irish farmer whose wife would nag him continuously.
She would be giving him grief constantly, from morning to night and was always complaining about something.
The only time Seamus got any peace was when he was out working in the fields with his old mule. Naturally, he spent as much time in the fields as he could with his best friend, the mule.
One day, when he was out ploughing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He guided the old mule into the shade, then sat down on a stump and began to eat his lunch.
From the moment he took his first bite, his wife began giving him grief again. He hadn’t done this, and he hadn’t done that, and all the problems in the world were his fault, or so it seemed.
Suddenly, the mule lashed out with both hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the head. She dropped to the floor and died.
The funeral took place 10 days later, and the priest quickly noticed something rather odd.
When women mourners approached Seamus, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement.
However, when men approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in apparent disagreement.
When expressing his own condolences to Seamus, the priest asked him about what he’d observed.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, Seamus, but I noticed when you spoke with women, you were nodding your head in agreement. Yet with men, you were shaking your head in disagreement. What was that all about?” The priest asked.
“Well, father,” said Seamus, “the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so naturally, I’d nod my head in agreement.”
“And what about the men?” the priest asked.
“Oh,” said Seamus, “they just wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”
5. The Pastor:
One Sunday morning after the church service, and whilst counting the money from the weekly offering, the pastor found a pink envelope containing $1,000.
Surprised though he was, he thought little of it and just accepted this generous donation gratefully.
However, the following week, the same thing happened again. This time, the pastor was naturally curious.
So, the following Sunday, the pastor watched closely as the offering was being collected. As he observed the proceedings, he noticed an elderly woman put a pink envelope on the plate.
Unsure what to do, the pastor continued to observe proceedings each Sunday over several weeks. And each week the same thing happened.
The pastor couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore, and one Sunday he decided to speak with the woman.
“Excuse me, mam,” said the pastor, “I couldn’t help but notice that each week you put $1,000 in the collection plate.”
“Why yes, Reverend,” the elderly lady replied. “Every week, my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”
“That’s wonderful mam and very generous of you,” the pastor replied. “However, a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Can you afford this? I mean, how much does he send you?”
“He’s a really good son, and he sends me $10,000 every week,” the old lady responded.
“Wow!” said the pastor, truly amazed. “Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?”
“He’s a veterinarian,” she said.
“Well now, that’s certainly an important profession,” said the pastor. “However, I had no idea it was so well paid. Where does he practise?”
The old lady smiled and said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One’s in Las Vegas, and one’s in Reno.”
Please share this post with your friends:
They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories to tell really make you smile? I do hope so.
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