funny can't stop laughing jokes Archives

If you’re looking for the best funny jokes for adults, then here are five gems for you today.

I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine.

So, grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break for a good laugh.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

An atheist boards a flight from Dallas to New York and sits next to a dusty old cowboy.

As he’s taking his seat the atheist says to the cowboy, “Well, howdy. Would you like to talk? I find flights go quicker when you can have a conversation with a fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, puts down the inflight magazine he’d been reading and says, “What would you want to talk about, buddy?”

“Well,” says the atheist, with a smug smile, “we could talk about why there’s no God. How about we discuss why there’s no Heaven, no Hell, and no life after death?”

The old cowboy smiles a knowing smile and then says, “Yeah, they might be interesting topics to discuss but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass, right? Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces clumps of manure. Now, why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist is surprised by this question but he thinks momentarily and then in response he says, “Well, I really have no idea.”

The old cowboy smiles a wry smile and then replies, “So, why do you feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death when clearly you don’t know much?”

2. The challenge:

Jeff was a teenage boy who’d just passed his driving test. Naturally, he was keen to start driving. So, he asked his dad if he could use the family car on Sundays when otherwise it was unused.

“Well, Jeff,” said his dad, “I’d need you to bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut before I’d be willing to talk about you using the car.”

Jeff thought about it momentarily, realised it was the best offer he was likely to get, and so, he decided to accept his dad’s offer. And with that, they shook hands on it.

At the end of the semester, Jeff’s dad said, “Son, I’m pleased you’ve improved your grades, and your willingness to study the bible hasn’t gone unnoticed either, but I’m disappointed you still haven’t had your hair cut.”

“Dad,” said Jeff, “I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed from my Bible study that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.“

Dad smiled at Jeff and then said, “And did you also notice that they all had to walk everywhere they went?“

3. The corny pun 1:

During colonial times, William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, was one of Philadelphia’s most prominent citizens.

Penn had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best you could buy anywhere.

After many years of success, the two aunts had a serious falling out.

The falling out was so serious that they stopped speaking to one another altogether. Then one moved across the street and opened her own bakery, putting the two in competition.

It wasn’t long before there was a price war going on between them, with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other.

Eventually, it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost.

By this time, the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

4. The corny pun 2:

Elmer and Buck are two hillbillies having lunch in Denny’s restaurant. They’re sitting at the counter, enjoying their food, and discussing their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman seated at a nearby table begins to cough, violently.

It seems the bite she’d taken from her club sandwich had gone down the wrong way.

She continues to cough violently for a minute or so, and she’s starting to get quite distressed.

Elmer walks over to the lady and says, “Mam, kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head, suggesting she couldn’t, as she continued to struggle with her breathing.

“Mam, kin ya breathe?” Elmer continues.

Again, she indicates she can’t, as she begins to turn blue.

At this point Elmer, grabs the woman’s skirt, lifting it, before yanking down her underwear, and then he starts licking her right butt cheek with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, Elmer returns to the counter and, as he does so, Buck says to him, “Ya know, I’d herd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it, until now.”

5. The emergency landing:

Jack and Mabel are an elderly couple, flying to Hawaii for a vacation to celebrate their Golden Wedding anniversary.

They’re enjoying the inflight service when suddenly over the public address system, the captain makes an announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some unfortunate news to share with you. We’re having serious problems with all four engines, and we have no choice but to make an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a remote island just ahead of us with a long, flat beach. We should be able to land the plane safely. However, we also have problems with our communications, so we won’t be able to summon help. So, we may never be rescued, and we may have to spend the rest of our lives on this island.”

The pilot manages to land the plane safely and the passengers all exit the aircraft via the inflatable, evacuation slides.

They’re all wandering around the beach looking a little bewildered, when Mabel says to Jack, “Honey, what are we going to do?”

Jack thinks momentarily and then says, “Mabel, did you manage to make the car lease payment this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mabel responds sheepishly, “I was so excited about our trip that I forgot.”.

“Well,” Jack continues, “how about settling our credit card bill? Did you manage to do that before we left?”

“Oh no, I didn’t!” says Mabel, “and it was a big one this month with all the expense of this holiday.”

“Right, then” Jack continues, “did you manage to settle the medical bill for the hospital treatment I had last month?”

“No, sweetheart,” Mable responds, getting visibly upset, “again, I forgot.

Jack gives Mabel the biggest hug and then he says, “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about, dear. We owe money, so they’ll find us!”

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If you’re in need of a laugh, here are 4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll just love.

They all tickled me and I’m confident they will tickle you too.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And when you’re done, feel free to share the fun.

Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave him their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. You can’t win:

A Highway Patrol officer pulls over a speeding car on Interstate 5.

“Sir, I’ve just clocked your speed at 80 miles per hour,” says the officer.

“How’s that possible, officer?” says the driver. “I was driving the car on cruise control set at 55. I think your radar gun must need re-calibrating.”

As she continues with her knitting, his wife says: “Now come on dear, be honest with the officer. You know this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer is writing up the ticket, the driver looks angrily at his wife and says, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut!”

His wife smiles innocently and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did, or your speed would have been even higher.”

The Highway Patrol officer immediately starts writing up a second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector.

Once again, the driver stares at his wife angrily.

“Listen, women,” says the driver, “just keep your mouth shut, please.”

The officer frowns as he’s listening to this exchange and then says, “Sir, I noticed you weren’t wearing your seat belt. I’m afraid that’s an automatic fine of $75.”

“Please, officer,” says the guy, “I did have it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my coat pocket.”

To which his wife responds, “Now, you know that’s not true, dear. You didn’t have your seat belt on because you never wear your seat belt.”

The Highway Patrol officer starts writing up a third ticket, as the driver explodes and screams at his wife, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!”

At this point, the Highway Patrol officer looks over at the wife and asks, politely, “Mam, does your husband always speak to you this way?”

She looks at her husband innocently and then says, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

4. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercises and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low-fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these funny, can’t-stop-laughing jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support.

5 Best funny jokes for adults that’ll make you laugh

Best funny jokes for adults:

1. The atheist and the cowboy:

2. The challenge:

3. The corny pun 1:

4. The corny pun 2:

5. The emergency landing:

Please share this post with your friends:

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

4 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

Funny can’t stop laughing jokes:

1. Young Johnny:

2. The Violin Recital:

3. You can’t win:

4. A healthy diet:

Please share this post with your friends:

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

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