50 funny comebacks that say 'Don't mess with me!'

Have you ever been in a situation where you’d wished you had a smart response straight off the tongue to put someone well and truly in their place?

An insult or funny comeback to let someone know that they’re attempting to mess with someone they really shouldn’t mess with?

Certainly, it’s a good idea to have your own personal stock of insults and funny comebacks ready and waiting to be used, just in case.

This would be your own deadly quiver full of arrows.

There’s nothing worse than being stuck for words only to kick yourself later when you think of a good comeback but it’s all a bit late.

So here’s another selection of 50 insults and funny comebacks so your gun is loaded, cocked and ready to fire. No one messes with you, dear reader.

50 Funny Comebacks (1-10):

Well, I was pro-life……until I met you.
You’re so fat you could sell shade.

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
You’ll go far, and hopefully, you won’t come back.
Well, aren’t you just the sunshine in a stormy sky?

Hey, your village called. They want their idiot back.
You’re living proof that evolution can go into reverse.
I gotta tell you, your wit is as sharp as a plastic knife.

If there was an Olympics for rudeness, you’d be a gold medallist.
Well, bless your heart. It’s truly an experience to be in your presence.

50 Funny Comebacks (11-20):

Well, aren’t you just a waste of space?

You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people.

Were you born this stupid, or have you had special training?
I see you’ve mastered the art of making friends ….. disappear.
You’re about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard.

You’re living proof that God really does have a sense of humour.
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
I must have missed the memo that said rudeness is the new black.

50 Funny Comebacks (21-30):

Jesus might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot.
Please just tell me that you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
Save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.

Well, aren’t you just the little bundle of something quite unpleasant?
I hear you’re keen to lose weight. Have you tried shaving your legs?
Well, at least we now know that diplomacy is not a skill you possess.

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it works, that’s for sure.
Hey, the zoo called. They’re wondering how you got out of your cage.
It amuses me when I hear you talk about stuff you don’t understand.

You’ve certainly mastered the knack of making people feel unwelcome.

50 Funny Comebacks (31-40):

I just stepped in something that was smarter than you and it smelled better too.
Oh, please, do go on. I’m on the edge of my seat, captivated by your lack of charm.

Oh, look, it’s the master of snide remarks. Please don’t keep us waiting, we’re all ears.
You’ve got all the social graces of a Black Mamba. Slippery and not very approachable.
Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?

Meeting you has made me realise that there are some remarkably dumb people in this world.
I have seen people like you before, but I’ve always been charged for admission in the past.
You’ve all the charm of a rattlesnake and the grace of a bull in a China Shop. Impressive, really.

I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
Don’t you know that it’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it, removing all doubt?

50 Funny Comebacks (41-50):

You’ve got a lot to say for yourself, but I struggle to comprehend why any of it matters.

Well, you’ve certainly got a talent for turning pleasantries into passive-aggressive remarks.
I’ve been lucky enough to meet a lot of likeable people in my time. but you’re not one of them.
You’ve got the kind of charisma that makes folks wish for earplugs and a sudden loss of hearing.

I know this might sound alien to you, but you’ll catch more flies with sugar than you will with vinegar.
I’m guessing you’ve never read Dale Carnegie’s famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I’m trying my hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.

If you’re waiting for me to care, then I hope you brought something to eat, because it’s going to be a long, long time.
You don’t have to be a complete prick all your life. You can always take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
In Science class, I learned the universe consists of neutrons, protons, and electrons. The University of Life has taught me that it consists of morons too.

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50 funny comebacks that say ‘Don’t mess with me!’