dark sarcasm quotes Archives

33 funny sarcasm quotes guaranteed to make you smile

01/09/2024 by Roy Sutton

Once again, I return to the theme of sarcasm and, in particular, funny sarcasm quotes. I love them as they always make me smile, dear reader.

Not only that, I always get such a positive response from readers when I include some funny sarcasm quotes. So I hope you enjoy them too.

If nothing else, you can add some of them to your little quiver full of arrows for when you need to be well-armed against stupid and difficult people, and there are plenty of both around. I’m sure you’ll agree.

So please take a few minutes now and enjoy them all.

Funny sarcasm quotes:

I love the sound when you shut up.
What’s wrong with me? Do you want a list?
I have three words for you. You need help!
Feel free to judge me, when you’re perfect.
I may not be perfect but at least I’m not you.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of sarcastic sunshine?
Tact is for people who lack the wit to be sarcastic.
Hey, you know what you’d look good in? Concrete!
Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice.
The only problem I have with you is you’re still breathing.
Am I always angry and irritable? No, sometimes I’m asleep.
I’ve already had my patience tested. The result was negative.
I try to see the best in everyone but you’re not making it easy.
Did you ever get the feeling that you’ve seized the wrong day?
I don’t hate you. I’m just not that excited about your existence.
If I was a bird this morning, you’d be the first person I’d crap on.
May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
If you don’t like sarcasm, would profanity work better with you?
That girl could reduce a man to tears with one lash of her tongue.
Being dead is like being stupid it’s only a problem for other people.
You should be aware that my sense of humour may hurt your feelings.
Your ass must be jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth.
My text messages would make more sense if there was a sarcasm font.
I hope you appreciate the effort I’ve put into not punching you in the face.
Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life.
I’d tell you to go to Hell but I work there and I wouldn’t want to see you every day.
Ignorance can be educated and crazy can be medicated but there’s no cure for stupid.
I thought rock bottom would be as far down as I’d go. I didn’t realize it had a basement.
When I look at you I can’t help but think, “Why hasn’t someone hit you with a shovel yet?”
Do I dislike you? Well, let me put it this way I’d willingly buy you a toaster for your bathtub.
Let’s hope you experience a sudden case of explosive diarrhoea whilst you’re stuck in traffic.
You’d be unwise to give me your attitude unless you want to be on the receiving end of mine.
May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your ass and may your arms be too short to scratch.

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Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: Black Humor, dark sarcasm, dark sarcasm quotes, funny, funny sarcasm memes, funny sarcasm quotes, humor, Sarcasm, sarcasm memes, sarcasm quotes, sarcastic remarks

30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

06/02/2023 by Roy Sutton

When you want to suggest a hint of menace then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful.

After all, people need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you.

Sarcasm is a powerful way of getting that message across.

So today I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did and I’m confident you will too.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Dark sarcasm quotes (1-15):

Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
Surely you must be on stupid pills?
If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black?
Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.

Dark sarcasm quotes (16-30):

Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.