Comedy Film Quotes Archives

Today, I have curated some funny TV show quotes. There are 25 in total, and they all made me laugh.

Enjoy them all. I’m confident they will make you smile as well.

And, as a bonus, I’ve curated 25 comedy film quotes too.

All of these quotes have been chosen for their sharp wit, absurdity, or perfect comedic timing, and they’re guaranteed to tickle the funny bone.

25 Funny TV Show Quotes:

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office (US)
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
— Mitch Hedberg (as himself), Comedy Central Presents
“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
— Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris), How I Met Your Mother
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
— Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry), Friends
“Sometimes I start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going.”
— Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office (US)
“Treat yo’ self!”
— Donna Meagle (Retta), Parks and Recreation
“You can’t just give up. Is that what a dinosaur would do?”
— Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc), Friends
“I have the charisma of a damp rag.”
— Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi), The Thick of It
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.”
— Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), Parks and Recreation
“I am Beyoncé, always.”
— Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office (US)
“I don’t have dreams. I have goals.”
— Harvey Specter (Gabriel Macht), Suits
“I don’t need a therapist. I have a horse.”
— BoJack Horseman (Will Arnett), BoJack Horseman
“I’m allergic to mornings.”
— Garfield (Lorenzo Music), Garfield and Friends
“You had me at ‘we’ll get food’.”
— Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel), New Girl
“You can’t handle the tooth!”
— Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell), Modern Family
“I ate a big red candle.”
— Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), Anchorman (TV cameo reference)
“Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.”
— Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt), Parks and Recreation
“If I don’t talk, it’s because I’m holding in a scream.”
— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld
“I can’t go to jail! I don’t have the upper body strength for it!”
— Gob Bluth (Will Arnett), Arrested Development
“I want to cry so bad, but I don’t think I can spare the moisture.”
— Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow), Friends
“I’ve made a huge mistake.”
— Gob Bluth (Will Arnett), Arrested Development
“I’m not a hero. I put my bra on one b**b at a time like everyone else.”
— Tina Belcher (Dan Mintz), Bob’s Burgers
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.”
— Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt), Parks and Recreation
“We were on a break!”
— Ross Geller (David Schwimmer), Friends
“My body is a temple… ancient and crumbling.”
— Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur), The Golden Girls

25 Comedy Film Quotes:

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
— Dante Hicks (Brian O’Halloran), Clerks
“I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”
— Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada
“Do I make you h*rny, baby?”
— Austin Powers (Mike Myers), Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
“60% of the time, it works every time.”
— Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd), Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
“I’m in a glass case of emotion!”
— Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), Anchorman
“Fat guy in a little coat.”
— Tommy Callahan (Chris Farley), Tommy Boy
“We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!”
— Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers), Wayne’s World
“It’s just a flesh wound.”
— Black Knight (John Cleese), Monty Python and the Holy Grail
“It’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!”
— Agnes (Elsie Fisher), Despicable Me
“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!”
— White Goodman (Ben Stiller), Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
“You’re killing me, Smalls!”
— Hamilton “Ham” Porter (Patrick Renna), The Sandlot
“I’m kind of a big deal.”
— Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), Anchorman
“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”
— Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks), Forrest Gump
“What is this? A center for ants?”
— Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), Zoolander
“I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.”
— Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
“You sit on a throne of lies.”
— Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing gl**.”
— Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges), Airplane!
“Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.”
— Richard Vernon (Paul Gleason), The Breakfast Club
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
— Chief Brody (Roy Scheider), Jaws (Not a comedy per se, but often quoted humorously)
“I’m not drunk, I’m just talking in cursive.”
— The Dude (Jeff Bridges), The Big Lebowski
“I invented Post-its.”
— Christie Masters (Julia Campbell), Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
“Did we just become best friends?!”
— Dale Doback (John C. Reilly), Step Brothers
“I’m in love, I’m in love, and I don’t care who knows it!”
— Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
“I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR.”
— Buddy (Will Ferrell), Elf
“That rug really tied the room together.”
— Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), The Big Lebowski

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25 Funny TV Show Quotes & Comedy Film Quotes too

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