25 funny quotes about marriage to make you smile

A successful marriage can be your greatest investment. It can also become your biggest nightmare too if you’re not careful in your choice of partner.

Choose your partner wisely and a successful relationship can be yours; failing to choose carefully could prove painful for all concerned.

Sharing your life with someone else can be a challenge because, as human beings, we’re complex creatures with an ego and a desire to have our own way.

Once married, we often try to continue to live our lives as if we were individuals and we forget that there is at least one other person we must consider, and more if there are children involved.

However, recognizing a need to compromise and being willing to compromise are not quite the same thing. It takes constant effort but sadly it’s an effort that not everyone is willing to expend.

And so there has been much said in jest about marriage and such comments often underpin a lot of great humour.

Today I offer you 25 very funny quotes about marriage that are guaranteed to raise a smile.

If you’re married, or if you’ve been married then you’ll be able to relate to many of these quotes, I’m sure. So enjoy them all.

Funny quotes about marriage (1-13):

  1. Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep. ~Unknown   
  2. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~Prince Philip
  3. Never laugh at your wife’s choices. After all, you’re one of them. ~Author Unknown
  4. Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. ~Mae West
  5. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~Groucho Marx
  6. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll be a philosopher. ~Socrates
  7. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner
  8. You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband! ~Bill Maher
  9. Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. ~Megan Mullally
  10. Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. ~Mickey Rooney
  11. My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and without a doubt, the hardest times we’ve faced were those times when we hated each other. ~Andy Richter
  12. My wife and I have been married for 47 years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never. ~Jack Benny
  13. If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. ~Author Unknown

Funny quotes about marriage (14-25):

  1. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed. ~Albert Einstein
  2. Listening to your wife is like reading the Terms & Conditions on a website. You understand nothing but you still say, “I agree!” ~Author Unknown
  3. Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with a very slow Internet connection. That way you’ll know who they really are. ~Author Unknown
  4. Marriage Tip #46: Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re busy cleaning. ~Author Unknown
  5. I’ve been married for 20 years but I still carry my husband’s photo in my purse. That way, whenever I face great difficulty, I can look at the photo and remind myself that if I’ve coped with being married to this idiot for so long, I can survive anything. ~Author Unknown
  6. A husband is someone who, having merely taken out the trash, gives the impression that he’s just cleaned the whole house. ~Author Unknown
  7. The five words needed for a successful marriage, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.” ~Author Unknown
  8. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. ~Helen Rowland
  9. Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake. ~Elbert Hubbard
  10. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~Agatha Christie
  11. Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn
  12. Happy wife; happy life. ~Author Unknown

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Thank you.

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