9 funny short story jokes to make you laugh

If you’re looking for some funny short story jokes to make you laugh, then I think I have nine excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

If you love a good laugh, then I’m confident some of these will tickle your fancy.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Funny short story jokes to make you laugh:

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège, and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pit bull terrier on a leash.

And behind him, there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion, but your situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?”

“Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.”

“And the second hearse?” said Bill.

“The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack, and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life, and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?”

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue, buddy.”

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

“Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike, the pain had been unbearable, and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

“The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant he could no longer be touched around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help, and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.”

Again, she paused and then said, “Fortunately, our prayers were answered, and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello, I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband, and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went, and then a few hours later, the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?”

“Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.”

“Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?”

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out onto the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!”

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!”

Naturally, the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs, it can’t hear me.”

4. Jogging Rick’s Memory:

Rick had spent several weeks searching for a new hat that resembled the one he had misplaced.

Finally, he remembered a man who attended his local church who wore a similar hat.

So, Rick decided to go to church on Sunday. He thought that if he sat at the back, during the service, he could sneak out and grab the hat from the rack near the door if he left early.

During the service, Rick sat at the back and listened to the sermon about the Ten Commandments.

Despite his cunning plan, Rick sat and listened to the entire sermon, and instead of sneaking out early, he waited until Mass was over and spoke to the priest as he was leaving.

“Hello, Father,” said Rick. “Believe it or not, I came here today with a plan to steal a hat to replace the one I’d lost. But after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I changed my mind.”

In response, Father O’Riley smiled benevolently and said, “Bless you, my son. Was it when I started to preach ‘Thou shalt not steal’ that changed your mind?”

“No, Father,” Rick responded. “It was when you mentioned the one about adultery. As you started to preach that, I remembered where I’d left my hat.”

5. Old remedies:

Jack walked into a pharmacy and said to the pharmacist, “Excuse me, sir, do you have anything for hiccups?“

The pharmacist walked from behind the counter, appeared to reach for something high on a shelf, and then he suddenly slapped Jack hard on the back.

He smiled at Jack and then said, “There! Did that help?“

“I can’t tell from here,” said Jack. “It’s my wife with the problem, and she’s waiting outside in the car.“

6. Unpaid debt:

Bert is in a dispute with his neighbour, and he goes to see a lawyer for help.

“How can I help you?” asks the lawyer.

“Well, sir,” says Bert, “my neighbour borrowed $500 and now he won’t pay it back. So, what can I do?“

“Do you have any proof that he owes you this money?” asks the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, no,” says Bert. “We used to be friends, and I thought I could trust him.“

“Right,” says the lawyer, “I suggest that I write him a letter, enclosing a stamped, addressed return envelope, requesting the $5,000 that he owes you.“

“But he’ll say that it’s only $500,” says Bert.

“Exactly!” says the lawyer. “That way we’ll have an admission of guilt should it go to court.”

Moral of the Story: A good lawyer won’t let a lack of evidence get in the way of fighting a case.

7. Windfall:

Wally and Mildred are an elderly couple celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

They had been childhood sweethearts, and they had recently moved back to the neighbourhood where they grew up.

Holding hands, they walked around the area, and they decided to go back and visit their old school.

The school wasn’t locked, but the classes had gone home for the day.

So, they entered and walked around. Unbelievably, they found their old classroom and the old wooden desk they had shared, on which Wally had carved, “I love Mildred Jones.”

As they were leaving the school campus, an armoured security van drove past and, as it did so, a large bag of money fell out, practically landing at their feet.

Now, there was no one around, so Mildred grabbed it quickly. As they were unsure what to do with it, they decided to take it home.

Once home, Mildred decided she’d sit and count the money. Very quickly, she realised that the bag contained $100,000.

Wally was an honest man and felt that they should return it.

“Nonsense!” said Mildred. “Surely, it’s finders’ keepers. And anyway, we could use a little extra money.”

With that, Mildred put the money back in the bag and hid it in the loft.

The next day, Mildred answered a knock on her front door, and two police officers were standing in front of her.

“Good morning, mam,” said one of the police officers. “We’re investigating the disappearance of a cash bag that fell from a security van yesterday. Did you or your husband see anything?”

Mildred smiled demurely and said, “No, officer.”

At this point, Wally’s conscience got the better of him, and he said, “She’s lying, officer. She’s got the money, and she hid it up in the loft.“

Once again, Mildred smiled demurely and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s getting senile, and his imagination runs away with him at times.”

“Well, not so fast,” the police officer says. “I think we should listen to what he has to say.”

With that, the officer turns to Wally and says, “Sir, can you tell us the story from the beginning?“

“Well,” said Wally, “when Mildred and I were walking home from school yesterday.“

The two police officers look at each other, and one says, “Let’s go, there’s nothing to see here.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women of a certain age. You won’t win.

8. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However, eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry, buddy, your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.”

9. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning, Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear, Mom?”

“Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and that’s how we all began, dear.”

Two days later, Grace asked her father the same question.

“Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them, the human race has evolved.”

Naturally, these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again, she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom, I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?”

Her mother smiled and said, “Well, darling, it’s all very simple. I was telling you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

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