9 short jokes anyone can remember

Looking for some short jokes anyone can remember, dear reader? Well, I’ve got 9 little gems here for you today. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

1. Eye-catching:

A guy walks into a hotel restaurant, and, as he’s being seated, he notices a very attractive woman at the next table.

Suddenly she sneezes, and, to his surprise, a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket.

It’s flying past the guy but he catches it and politely hands it back to the lady.

“Oh, my goodness,” says the lady, “this is so embarrassing.”

As she’s popping her eye back in place, she gradually regains her composure, and then she says, “I’m so sorry to have disturbed you, but I really appreciate your help. Why don’t you join me, and I’ll buy you dinner to make it up to you?”

The guy nods in agreement and he joins her at her table.

Despite her glass eye, the woman is stunningly attractive and a great conversationalist. The guy is having a wonderful evening and, as they chat, it’s obvious they have a lot in common.

Naturally, he gets her phone number and then says, “Mam, I have to say, you’re the most charming woman I’ve ever met. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No, not really,” the woman replies. “You just happened to catch my eye.”

2. Vacuum cleaner salesman:

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.

He scattered a load of dog muck all over my carpet and then said, “Show me where I can plug in and if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck up every last dog dropping right now then I’ll eat the rest.”

I smiled and said, “Well, I hope you’re hungry because my electricity has just been cut off.”

3. Marital problems:

A guy’s sitting at the counter in a Manhattan bar looking miserable and staring into his beer.

“Are you alright buddy?” asks the bartender. “What’s the problem?”

The guy looks up from his drink and says, “Oh, my wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn’t be speaking to me for a month.”

In an attempt to be encouraging the bartender says, “Hey, come on now buddy, think positive. At least you’ll get some peace for a while.”

“Yeah, I know,” the guy responds, “but today’s the last day.”

4. The taxi ride:

Three buddies staggered out of a bar late one night, all well and truly sozzled. However, they did manage to hail a taxi and in they all climbed.

The taxi driver could see that they were all absolutely hammered and decided it was a situation he could use to his advantage. So he started the engine, waited a few minutes without moving and then turned it off again.

“Right fellas, we’ve reached our destination,” said the taxi driver. “That’ll be $30.”

The first guy gave him the money.

The second guy said, “Thank you, driver.”

But the third guy slapped the driver across the face.

The taxi driver was shocked and thought perhaps the third guy knew what had happened. Nevertheless, he said, “What the hell was that for, buddy?”

“You were driving like a maniac and you could have killed us,” the third guy responded. “Control your speed next time.”

5. Wise woman:

Rick said to his wife, Liz, one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.”

“Well, dear husband of mine, allow me to explain,” said Liz. “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. And then God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you!”

6. Lost property:

Jim is on his way home, and he’s driving behind an ambulance.

As he’s driving along, he notices a small metal box on the back step of the ambulance.

As the ambulance turns a corner the box suddenly falls off and lands on the side of the road.

Being a public-spirited individual, Jim pulls over and retrieves it.

When Jim opens the box there is a human toe inside packed in ice.

Well, Jim realises that the owner will need this appendage, so he phones the local hospital to explain the situation.

Jim gives them his location and then asks whether they’ll be sending an ambulance to collect it.

“No, there’s no need,” they said. “We’ll just send a toe truck.”

7. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny was standing outside his local shopping mall when he was approached by a man.

“Son, I’m lost,” said the man. “Could you tell me how I get to the Post Office from here?”

“Sure, mister,” said Little Johnny. “Walk down to the end of this road and turn right. Then you’ll see it on your left.”

“Thank you, son,” said the man. “I’m the new minister at the church. If you come along on Sunday, I’ll tell you how you can get to Heaven.”

“How are you going to do that?” asks Little Johnny. “You didn’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

8. Three wishes:

Tom, Dick and Harry are ship-wrecked on a desert island when they stumble upon an old oil lamp.

Tom picks up the lamp and starts rubbing it.

Immediately a genie appears and grants each of them a wish.

Tom immediately says he’d like to be back home in New York.

Poof! Then Tom’s gone and on his way home.

Dick then says his wish is to be back home in New York too.

Poof! Then Dick’s gone and on his way home.

Looking at Harry, the genie says, “So, what’s your wish?”

Harry thinks momentarily and then says, “Jeez, it sure is lonely without my two buddies. I wish they were both back here.”

9. Waiting for the bus:

A woman is having a problem with her wardrobe door in her bedroom. Each time a bus passes her house the door falls off.

She calls a repairman and he arrives to fix it.

The repairman sees that the door has fallen off.

So he puts it back in place and he then says to the woman, “I’ll now step inside the wardrobe and I’ll wait until a bus passes to see exactly what happens. You just close the door on me.”

So she closes the door but, as she does so, her husband arrives home and he’s heard his wife in the bedroom talking with someone.

Naturally, he wants to know what’s going on.

So, he rushes upstairs, storms into the bedroom and opens the wardrobe door. He sees the repairman and says, “OK buddy, what the hell are you doing in there?”

“You might find this hard to believe,” says the repairman, “but I’m waiting for a bus.”

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these short jokes anyone can remember, dear reader, and I hope they made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share jokes, surely everyone’s a winner?

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.