5 priceless jokes that'll tickle you silly

Looking for some priceless jokes? Well, how about these five little gems? They all made me smile and I hope they brighten up your day. Enjoy them all.

Priceless Jokes:

1. Populating the Earth:

One day God said to Adam, “It’s nearly time for you and Eve to begin populating Earth. So I want you to kiss her.”

“I don’t understand”, said Adam. “What does to kiss mean?”

God understood that it was all new to Adam so patiently he explained to Adam what was required of him.

Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods. A little while later they emerged and Adam said, “That was most enjoyable.”

“I thought you might say that,” said God, “so now I want you to caress her.”

“But what does caress mean?” Adam asked.

So God provided Adam with a brief explanation again.

Again Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods once more.

Soon they returned and Adam smiled and said, “That was even better.”

“Good”, said God. “You’ve done well. So now I want you to make love to Eve.”

Again Adam was a little perplexed. “What does make love mean?” said Adam.

So God gave Adam another explanation and Adam then took Eve by the hand back into the woods.

This time Adam emerged from the woods alone within seconds looking puzzled.

He looked at God and said, “Lord, what’s a headache?”

2. The customer’s compulsion:

A man walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a glass of white wine.

He took a sip of the wine and then he hurled the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

“Oh, I’m really sorry”, he said. “I keep doing that to bartenders. It’s a compulsion and I find it extremely embarrassing.”

The bartender was an amiable fellow and he was sympathetic to the man’s problem, despite the provocation.

As he wiped his face, he suggested the man see an analyst about his problem.

“Hey, another customer of mine is a psychiatrist with an excellent reputation. My brother and my wife both use him and they say he’s the best there is,” said the bartender.

About three months later the man returned to the bar again.

The bartender remembered him immediately. As he poured the man a glass of white wine he said, “Good to see you, buddy. Did you do what I suggested?”

“Yes I certainly did”, said the man. “I’ve been seeing the psychiatrist you recommended for two sessions every week.”

He then took a sip of his wine and again threw the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

As he wiped his face with a towel the flustered bartender spluttered, “That doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.”

“On the contrary,” said the man. “He’s done me the world of good.”

“But you’ve just thrown wine in my face again,” responded the bartender.

“Yes, but I’m not embarrassed by it anymore,” said the man.

3. The sooty tern:

One day a young sooty tern was flying over the sea with its parents when the mummy bird ran into a cliff and dropped to the ground.

Oblivious to his mate’s fate, the daddy tern flew on, but the young bird swooped to the foot of the cliff in a bid to save her.

Alas, the mummy tern was already dead and the tearful young bird was taken under the wing of a family of seagulls.

A week later, the head of the seagull family announced, “You’re a well-behaved bird but I’m afraid we can’t keep you. However, we’re going to find a tern that can adopt you and act as a replacement mother.”

So the seagull put an ad in the local paper which read, “One good tern deserves a mother.”

4. Difficult customer:

A man walked into a smart Downtown bar and sat on a stool at the counter.

“Sir, what can I get you to drink?” said the bartender. “A beer maybe? We’ve got an excellent special brew on offer this evening.”

“I’m sorry,” replied the man haughtily. “I don’t drink alcohol. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t touched a drop since.”

The bartender tried to engage the man in friendly conversation by offering him a cigar.

“You can’t smoke it in here,” said the bartender, “but perhaps you can enjoy it later.”

“No thank you,” said the man with a sneer. “I don’t smoke. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t smoked since.”

Again the bartender attempted a little banter but the man was having none of it.

“Listen,” he said. “I appreciate you’re merely trying to be sociable but the fact is I wouldn’t even be in this place at all but for the fact that I’m meeting my son here.”

“That would be your only child, I presume?” the bartender remarked philosophically.

5. Lady in the Casino:

The Las Vegas casino was virtually deserted and two male dealers at the craps table were idling away their time in the hope that business might soon improve.

Suddenly a stunningly attractive, buxom woman appeared and said she wanted to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

“Certainly mam,” said one of the dealers, happy to relieve the boredom.

“There’s just one thing though,” said the woman.

“What’s that?” said the dealer.

“Well I hope you don’t mind,” said the woman, “but playing topless always brings me luck. There’s hardly anyone about, so I’ll take off my blouse and bra before I roll the dice.”

She then quickly removed those garments exposing her ample assets and threw the dice, before yelling “I’ve won! I can’t believe it! I’ve won!”

She then scooped up all the money, picked up her clothes and disappeared in an instant.

The two dealers were stunned. “What did she roll?” asked one.

“I don’t know,” said the other. “I thought you’d be watching the dice!”

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5 priceless jokes that’ll tickle you silly

Priceless Jokes:

1. Populating the Earth:

2. The customer’s compulsion:

3. The sooty tern:

4. Difficult customer:

5. Lady in the Casino:

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