40 funny quick jokes you’ll just love

If you’re looking for some funny quick jokes then take a look at the 40 I’ve put together for you today. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of laughs here.

Enjoy them all.

And feel free to pass them on.

Funny quick jokes (1-10):

1. I quit my job making soles for shoes. It was a bit of a treadmill.
2. Jane and Bill were getting divorced. Naturally, they split the house. Bill got the outside.
3. Bob’s wife opened the car door for him. He’d have considered it a nice gesture if they’d not been travelling at 70 mph.
4. If I win the lottery, I promise you that no one around me will be poor. I’ll move to a wealthy neighbourhood.
5. A Mexican magician said he’d disappear at the count of three. Uno … dos, then poof! He disappeared without a tres.
6. A male fly notices an attractive female fly lounging on a pile of cow manure. In an attempt to impress her, the male fly said, “Excuse me, beautiful, is that stool taken?”
7. A woman was up in court for attacking her boyfriend with two guitars. “First offender?” The judge inquired. “No, your honour,” said her counsel, “the first was a Gibson. The second was a Fender.”
8. I hate it when people’s grammar is so poor that they mix up there, their and they’re. So now I just tell them, weather they like it or not.
9. What have I learned from studying cows, buffalos, and elephants? Well, for a start, it’s impossible to reduce weight just by eating grass, salads, and walking.
10. I found something in my wardrobe that I hadn’t worn since graduation. Amazingly, it still fits me. Well, it was only my college scarf, but I like to look for the positives.

Funny quick jokes (11-20):

11. Are donuts classified as hole food?
12. Plagiarism is just getting into trouble for something you didn’t do.
13. When I was young, I was poor. However, after years of hard but honest work, I’m no longer young.
14. I went for my annual physical, and my physician said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “You mean like burgers, bacon, that sort of thing?” To which he responded, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”
15. My son came home and said there would be a small get-together at his school tomorrow. “How small?” I asked. “Well,” he responded, “it’s just you, me, and the principal.”
16. Was it just me, growing up, or did anyone else believe that Hugh Rynal invented the public convenience?
17. Wife: I have blisters on my hands from that broom. Husband: Why didn’t you just use the car?
18. I’ve been fired from my job as a masseur. My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.
19. I went to see a psychiatrist today, and she told me I had a split personality. Then she charged me $160. So, I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
20. If a runner was accidentally shot with a starting pistol, would that be classified as race-related?

Funny quick jokes (21-30):

21. If you need an ark, then I Noah guy.
22. How can a door be a door if it’s ajar?
23. Avoid dangerous cults. Practise safe sects.
24. Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
25. To some people, marriage is a word, to others, it’s a sentence.
26. I’ve heard that the company that makes yardsticks is not making them any longer.
27. Did you know that before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home?
28. If a cow doesn’t produce milk, does that make it a milk dud or an udder failure?
29. I’m told that it’s not a good idea to play tennis with a cymbal. It makes a terrible racket.
30. A farmer was milking his best cow and had a good rhythm going when suddenly a fly flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it until suddenly the fly squirted out into the bucket. He then realised that the cow had gone in one ear and out the udder.

Funny quick jokes (31-40):

31. Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B Back.
32. If I drink holy water with a laxative, would that start a religious movement?
33. Believe it or not, my friend speaks to his garden. Yes, Jack and the Beans talk.
34. There’s one thing you can be sure of, laxatives will give you a good run for your money.
35. Have you heard about the guy who fell into a glass lens-making machine and made a spectacle of himself?
36. As I was getting ready for bed, she said, “You’re drunk!” So I said, “How do you know?” And she said, “Because you live next door.”
37. A guy walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees and gives them to him. “Surely that’s too many,” says the guy. “No,” says the clerk. “I’ve given you a freebie.”
38. I pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy asleep next to me on the bus, it must have been very painful.
39. I saw a guy stacking shelves at Walmart complaining because the top shelf was broken and he couldn’t keep it up. He told me he had wrecked aisle dysfunction.
40. The difference in meaning between the words ‘Complete’ and ‘Finished’ can be somewhat unclear. Fortunately at a linguistic conference recently a speaker offered some clarity when he said, “When a man marries the right woman he will be complete. If he marries the wrong woman he will be finished. And should the right woman catch him fooling around with the wrong woman, he will be completely finished.”

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