30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

Dear reader, are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might just leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

And feel free to pass them on.

Comedy one-liners (1-10):

I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.

Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

I’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.

Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.

Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.

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Articles you might enjoy:

15 amusing quotes by Jerry Seinfeld to brighten your day

30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

Comedy one-liners (1-10):

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

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