Blog posts that include something to make readers smile always get a good response. Witty quotes always get the best response.
So here are 30 razor-sharp witty quotes. I am sure at least a few of them will brighten your day.
This is a collection of witty quotes in response to readers’ requests for a little levity to break up the otherwise gloomy news that seems to have dominated our lives this year.
So go on have a laugh right now and enjoy them all.
Witty Quotes (1-10)
I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. ~Groucho Marx
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain
Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ~Oscar Wilde
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ~W.C. Fields
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ~Winston S. Churchill
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
Two wrongs don’t make a right but they do make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. ~A.A. Milne
Witty Quotes (11-20)
If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? ~Laurence J. Peter
If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ~Paul Terry
When you’re courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. ~Albert Einstein
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~George Carlin
It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. ~Yogi Berra
I need six months’ vacation, twice a year. ~Author Unknown
I do all my own stunts but never intentionally. ~Author Unknown
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ~Robin Williams
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~Author Unknown
Witty Quotes (21-30)
Hard work never killed anyone but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
I’d like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso
No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early. ~Groucho Marx
Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese. ~Luis Buñuel
The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets she took him. ~Oscar Wilde
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. ~W.C. Fields
To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential. ~Author Unknown
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back. ~Author Unknown
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the refrigerator? ~Author Unknown
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island, what book I would take with me? …. “How to Build a Boat” would be the answer. ~Author Unknown
Please share this post with your friends:
So dear reader, did you find these witty quotes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?
Did any of them make smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.
When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.
Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.
Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.
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