5 short funny stories that’ll make you laugh

Here are five short funny stories that will bring a smile to your face for sure. Enjoy them all and then please pass them on.

Short Funny Stories:

1. A spare seat at the Super Bowl:

It’s the Super Bowl, and Bill has a ticket for a front-row seat. As he takes his seat, he notices the seat next to him is empty, surprisingly.

He leans over and speaks to the guy on the other side of this vacant seat.

“Do you think someone will be sitting here?” says Bill.

“No,” said his neighbour, “this seat will be empty today.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” says Bill. “Who would have a ticket for the Super Bowl and not use it? It’s a front-row seat!”

“Actually, the ticket is mine,” said his neighbour. “I bought it for my wife, but sadly she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we’ve not watched together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” says Bill. “That’s very sad, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to join you?”

The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

2. The parrot with attitude:

Jane walked past her local pet store every day on her way to work. And every day a parrot, placed in a cage out front, says to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane let this pass for a while but it began to irritate her. So, naturally, she thought the best course of action would be to speak with the store owner.

On hearing her story, the pet store owner was extremely embarrassed and apologised to her.

He then reprimanded the parrot and promised Jane it would not happen again.

However, the very next day as Jane walked past the store, once again the parrot said to her, “Mam, you’re ugly!”

Well, Jane was very upset by this and immediately threatened the pet store owner with a lawsuit, if it happened again.

Naturally, the last thing he needs is a lawsuit filed against him, so now he’s not happy either.

He takes the parrot into the alley at the back of the store where there’s a dumpster and he says, “Now you listen to me, buddy! You tell that lady she’s ugly one more time and I will break your neck and throw your body into that dumpster. Do you hear me?”

The parrot nods and the pet store owner takes it back out front.

The following day as Jane walks past the front of the store she stares at the parrot and she hears …… nothing.

Jane smiles and walks on, but as she’s disappearing into the distance, she hears the parrot behind her say, “Mam, you know what I’m thinking!”

3. A gorilla needs a drink:

A gorilla walks into a very trendy, hip bar in Manhattan.

“So, buddy, what can I get you?” asks the bartender.

“Give me a large bottle of Oud Beersel’s Bzart Lambiek, please,” the gorilla responds.

“Sure,” says the bartender, “That’ll be $125, please.”

The gorilla pays with his Visa card, and he then settles down at the counter to enjoy his very expensive drink.

After a few moments, the bartender says, “You know, buddy, we don’t get many gorillas drinking in here.“

The gorilla smiles and then says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

4. David Hasselhoff in a bar:

David Hasselhoff walks into a trendy bar in Manhattan and orders a drink.

“Yes, sir, Mr Hasselhoff,” says the bartender, “coming right up.”

“Hey, man, just call me Hoff” the screen legend replies.

“Sure,” replies the bartender. “You don’t need the hassle.”

5. The birth of a military tradition:

At an Army camp in Biloxi, Mississippi, the newly appointed Commander is inspecting facilities.

As he’s walking around the camp, he notices a soldier who appears to be guarding a bench on the side of the parade ground.

The Commander walks over and asks the soldier what he’s doing.

“Sir! I’m guarding this bench. Sir!” the soldier responded, immediately and respectfully.

“Why, soldier?” the Commander inquired, slightly puzzled.

“Sir! The last Commander issued an order that this bench must be guarded at all times. Sir!” said the soldier.

“Yes, but why?” said the Commander, even more puzzled.

“Sir! It’s a tradition. Sir!” said the soldier.

Now, this situation made the Commander really curious, but as he knew his predecessor well, he decided to call him.

“Hey Jim,” said the Commander to his predecessor on the telephone. “When you were here in Biloxi, you issued an order for a bench on the parade ground to be guarded at all times. I was wondering why?”

“To be honest Mike, I’m not sure why,” said the Commander’s predecessor. “My predecessor had issued the same order and I just carried on with that tradition.”

The Commander was a thorough man, and he decided he would get to the bottom of this story to establish the reason.

Conversations followed with six more of his predecessors until eventually, he got through to the man who had issued the original order.

He spoke on the telephone with a retired General, who was now in his 90s.

“Sir, I’m Mike Gomez and I’ve recently been appointed Commander at Biloxi and I was wondering why you issued an order to place a guard by the bench on the parade ground, some 50 years ago?” said the Commander.

“What?” the old General responded, slightly puzzled. “Is the paint on that bench still wet?”

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