29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult don’t always spring readily to mind, do they? Well, not to me anyway.

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you only wish you’d had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue and ready to let them know that you’re not someone who will suffer fools for very long?

It’s always useful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

So for today’s post, I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also raise a smile with you too.

And of course, I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Sarcasm and witty insults (1-15):

Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
Clearly, wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.

Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
If your aim was to irritate me then your plan is working so far.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?

I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid.
Take your time buddy, it’s not like the rest of us have anything else to do.
That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.

Now who might you be and why should it matter to me?
You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.

Listen, tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important but guess what? The rest of the world doesn’t agree.
Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider an alternative line of work.

Some people have genuine talent and then there are deluded people like you.

Sarcasm and witty insults (16-29):

I may have had too much to drink, mam, but tomorrow I’ll be sober, and you’ll still be ugly.
$10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.

Were you born a pain in the ass or have you had special training?
You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
If you’re nice to other people, you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.

Clearly, you’re bereft of talent but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that buddy.
There’s nothing like exceptional customer service and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.

Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
Well, we’ve now established that you can be stupid when you want to be. So, what else are you good at?
So, you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?

Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly, the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
I didn’t say you were overweight but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime.

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Then perhaps you’d like some more smiles? If so, just click on the links below.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Sarcasm and witty insults (1-15):

Sarcasm and witty insults (16-29):

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