Funny insults from TV comedy shows

Today, I’ve curated some funny insults from the world of TV comedy shows. They made me smile, and I hope they tickle you, too.

I love those classic lines from TV comedy shows and the movies. Things I wish I’d been sharp enough to say in response to someone in serious need of a put-down.

So, please take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Insults:

1. Savage Comebacks:

“You are the human version of a participation trophy.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
“You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
— Nicky Nichols, Orange Is the New Black
“Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
— Moira Rose, Schitt’s Creek
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”
— Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda
“You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
— Max Black, 2 Broke Girls
“You sit on a throne of lies.”
— Buddy, Elf

2. Sassy and Petty:

“So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?”
— Gretchen Wieners, Mean Girls
“Cool story, bro. Needs more dragons.”
— Internet sarcasm, but sounds very Jess Day
“You’re not the worst… but you’re in the top five.”
— Eleanor Shellstrop, The Good Place
“You have the charisma of a damp rag.”
— Malcolm Tucker, The Thick of It
“Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come.”
— Bernadette, The Big Bang Theory
“You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”
— Ulysses Everett McGill, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

3. Deadpan and dry:

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
— Mitch Hedberg
“Everything hurts and I’m dying.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
“I live in a constant state of fear and misery.”
— Tina Belcher, Bob’s Burgers
“I am Beyoncé, always.”
— Michael Scott, The Office (US)
“I’m not superstitious. But I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott, The Office (US)
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
— George Lopez, George Lopez Show

4. Intellectual Insults:

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
— Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
“You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.”
— Woody, Toy Story
“Your brain’s so small, you could smoke it in a pipe.”
— Karen Walker, Will & Grace
“If you were any slower, you’d be moving backwards.”
— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
“You’re like a software update. Annoying and no one asked for you.”
— April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation (vibe)

5. Mirror Shade:

“You are not the center of the universe. The sun is.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons
“If I wanted to hear from someone irrelevant, I’d check your Instagram story.”
— Euphoria-style sass
“Your drama is more predictable than a Marvel movie.”
— Jess Day, New Girl (tone)
“Sorry, I don’t speak ‘narcissist’.”
— Max Black, 2 Broke Girls
“I like you. You’re like me… but worse.”
— Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development

6. Sass Queens Unite:

“Oh honey, bless your heart — but not your decisions.”
— Southern shade, Blanche Devereaux style
“You’re a full-blown Monet. Looks good from far away, but up close? A big mess.”
— Cher Horowitz, Clueless
“You’re exhausting. Emotionally, spiritually… physically, just looking at you.”
— Karen Walker, Will & Grace
“I could eat a whole bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter statement than that.”
— Red Foreman, That ’70s Show
“You’re not even on my radar. I had to Google you.”
— Moira Rose, Schitt’s Creek
“I don’t chase. I replace.”
— Tasha Mack, The Game

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If you fancy some laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

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