Classic Television Quotes Archives

If you’re looking for some classic TV quotes, then today I’ve curated some great ones for you. From some of the best sitcoms of all time, in my opinion.

So, please take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them.

Classic TV Quotes:

1. TV Quotes from Friends: Life in Central Perk

Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it. — Monica Geller (Courteney Cox)
It’s not that common; it doesn’t happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! — Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston)
Could I be wearing any more clothes? — Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc)
I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? — Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry)
Oh, I’m sorry. Did my back hurt your knife? – Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow)
Pivot! PIVOT!! — Ross Geller (David Schwimmer)

2. TV Quotes from Seinfeld: A show about nothing

You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation. — Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld)
I’m speechless. I am without speech. — George Costanza (Jason Alexander)
Maybe the dingo ate your baby. — Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus)
You want a Christmas card? HERE, here’s your Christmas card! — Elaine, again.
The sea was angry that day, my friends—like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. — George Costanza
No soup for you! — Soup N*zi (Larry Thomas)

3. TV Quotes from Frasier: Highbrow wit

You have the wit of a rutabaga. — Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer)
We’re psychiatrists. We’re supposed to be above this kind of petty squabbling. But we’re not! — Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce)
When I say ‘I understand,’ I don’t mean I agree. I mean, I understand you’re insane. — Frasier Crane
You know, I don’t know how you do it. I’m serious. It takes a special kind of person to be this thoroughly irritating. — Roz Doyle (Peri Gilpin)
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of you being wrong. — Niles Crane

4. TV Quotes from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Sharp

Yo, homes, smell ya later! — Will Smith (Will Smith)
You have as much chance of winning as Uncle Phil has of getting skinny. — Will Smith
Hillary, I’ve seen salads dress better than you. — Geoffrey (Joseph Marcell)
You so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mama! — Will Smith
Carlton, your mama is so fat, when she sits around the house—she sits around the house. — Will Smith
You couldn’t get a date if you had a calendar factory. — Geoffrey

5. TV Quotes from The Nanny: Queen of Queens

I’m not going to die. I still have 14 pairs of shoes I haven’t worn yet! — Fran Fine (Fran Drescher)
I’ve always said I was an accident waiting to happen, and now I’m happening! — Fran Fine
You’re not a morning person. You’re barely a person. — Niles (Daniel Davis)
I told you I don’t get out of bed for anything less than a sample sale. — Fran Fine
Is that your new perfume? Eau de desperation? — C.C. Babcock (Lauren Lane)

6. TV Quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun: Alien wit

We may be aliens, but we don’t date losers. — Sally Solomon (Kristen Johnston)
You are a deeply disturbed and deeply boring man. — Dick Solomon (John Lithgow)
It’s not that you’re unimportant… okay, yes, it is. — Tommy Solomon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)
You’re like if awkward were a person. — Harry Solomon (French Stewart)

7. TV Quotes from Home Improvement: Manly wit

I don’t think so, Tim. — Al Borland (Richard Karn)
Real men don’t use instructions. — Tim Taylor (Tim Allen)
Why fix it if you can overdo it? — Tim Taylor
Sometimes I wonder why I married you. Then I remember: oh yeah, you were good-looking… once. — Jill Taylor (Patricia Richardson)

8. TV Quotes from Will & Grace: Friendship banter

Honey, I don’t need to insult you. Your wardrobe does it for me. — Karen Walker (Megan Mullally)
Grace, if you were any gayer, you’d be me. — Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes)
The only straight thing about me is my razor. — Jack McFarland
I’m rich. I don’t need to be nice. — Karen Walker

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40 Classic TV Quotes That Will Amuse You