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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

04/25/2024 by

If you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-10):

  1. Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!“
  2. A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
  3. My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
  4. If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
  5. I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
  6. Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
  7. An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?“
  8. Teacher: Now, children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
  9. My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
  10. My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

  1. I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
  2. The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
  3. What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
  4. My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
  5. The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
  6. To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
  7. Customer: “This fish is very dry.” Waiter: “Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
  8. Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
  9. I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
  10. We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

  1. I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
  2. You can’t have a nose that is 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
  3. I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
  4. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
  5. I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
  6. I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
  7. I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
  8. I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
  9. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
  10. I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

  1. I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
  2. I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
  3. At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
  4. My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
  5. Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
  6. The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
  7. I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
  8. Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
  9. The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
  10. My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.

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