33 funny clever quotes that’ll amuse you

Are you looking for some funny clever quotes, dear reader? Well, I’ve curated 33 little gems that will amuse you. Certainly, they made me smile.

If you like good quotes, you’ll love some of these on offer today.

These are some of my favourite quotes of all time.

So, take a few moments to read them all and please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Enjoy!

Funny clever quotes (1-20):

I saw a stationery store move. ~Jay London
I never said most of the things I said. ~Yogi Berra
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. ~Erma Bombeck
What’s another word for Thesaurus? ~Steve Wright
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. ~Katharine Hepburn
I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde
It’s simple if it jiggles, it’s fat. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. ~Charles M. Schulz
Only the mediocre are always at their best. ~Jean Giraudoux
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. ~Woody Allen
Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity. ~Thor Heyerdahl
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~Don Marquis
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~Mark Twain
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. ~Robert A. Heinlein
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. ~Alexander Woollcott
Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese. ~Luis Bunuel
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. ~Mitch Hedberg

Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive. ~Elbert Hubbard
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. ~Bertrand Russell
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ~Henry Kissinger
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~Fred Allen
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~Jules Renard
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. ~Rodney Dangerfield
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~Isaac Asimov
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. ~W. H. Auden
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~George Bernard Shaw
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner

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