15 funny quotes by George Carlin

Funny quotes by George CarlinToday I thought it would be a good idea to look back at some funny quotes by George Carlin.

The late George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, philosopher, author, and social critic. He’s probably best known for his sardonic, irreverent wit and his reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various other taboo subjects.

I love irreverent wit and I thought he was a very funny man.

If you’re unfamiliar with his work, then it’s worth checking out some of the many videos of his performances that you’ll find on YouTube.

Here are 15 funny quotes by George Carlin that I’m confident will get you thinking about life, the universe and everything.

Funny quotes by George Carlin:

  1. It’s never just a game when you’re winning. ~George Carlin
  2. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~George Carlin
  3. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ~George Carlin
  4. The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept. ~George Carlin
  5. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~George Carlin
  6. Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town. ~George Carlin
  7. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~George Carlin
  8. People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think. ~George Carlin
  9. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ~George Carlin
  10. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~George Carlin
  11. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ~George Carlin
  12. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ~George Carlin
  13. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. ~George Carlin
  14. I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade. ~George Carlin
  15. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~George Carlin

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