10 memorable lines from the movies

I love the movies and I love all the clever lines that are so memorable.

So today I thought it would be a good idea to hare with you 10 memorable lines from the movies.

I think these are some of the best lines of all time:-

Memorable lines from the movies:

I’ll Have What She’s Having. ~When Harry Met Sally (1989)

It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage. ~Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. ~Animal House (1978)

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room! ~Dr Strangelove (1964)

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy. ~The First Wives Club (1996)

There’s only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other peoples’ cultures and the Dutch. ~Goldmember (2002)

I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. He made me feel like I was crazy all the time. One day he tells me it’s my fault he saw other women. So I picked up a knife and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him. Yeah, I did a little jail time but it was worth it. ~Living Out Loud (1998)

There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? ~Airplane! (1980)

Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately. I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob. ~Office Space (1999)

Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic and so am I. ~What About Bob? (1991)

And a bonus memorable line from television:

I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? ~Chandler Bing, Friends

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Were these some of the most memorable lines of all times?

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People really do love the movies, so share this post now. When you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

15 funny quotes to gladden your heart

I’ve said is before and I’ll say it again. I love quotes. And I’m always on the lookout for great quotes, and particularly funny quotes.

Many great quotes have influenced my own personal philosophy.

Others have been really useful as a means for reinforcing messages in presentations.

And then there are those that just make me smile.

I’m referring to those funny quotes that resonate with me, whilst offering a germ truth within the underlying wit.

So here are 15 funny quotes to gladden your heart and make you smile.

Enjoy them all. Certainly I did.

Funny Quotes:

  1. In my defence I was left unsupervised.
  2. I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  3. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  4. Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  5. If I won an award for laziness, I’d send someone else to pick it up.
  6. I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
  7. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
  8. The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.
  9. I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
  10. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
  11. Life has no hands but it can still give you a slap in the face sometimes.
  12. Silence is golden, unless you have kids. Then it’s just suspicious.
  13. Having great power is wonderful, until you get the electricity bill.
  14. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you’d like punch in the face.
  15. Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. ~Author Unknown

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3 very funny jokes to get you smiling

Very Funny Jokes1. Store policy:

The store manager overheard her sales assistant saying to an elderly customer, “No mam, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.

Alarmed by what she’d heard, the store manager rushed over to the elderly lady as she was leaving the store and said, “Mam, I am so sorry, the information you were given was incorrect. We will actually have some very soon. We’ve placed an order today.

The elderly lady gave the store manager a slightly puzzled look, but then just smiled and left the store.

The store manager then walked back over to her sales assistant and said very sternly, “You must never say that we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we have it on order and we expect it any day. Do you understand me?

Yes, mam!” responded the sales assistant.

So what was it the old lady was asking for?” enquired the store manager.

Rain”, responded her sales assistant.

Very Funny Jokes2. Bad news:

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However he was shocked when his doctor said to him, “I’m afraid you’ve only got three weeks to live.

Are you sure?” said Dan, “I feel fine. Isn’t there anything that can be done?”

“Well” said his doctor, “you could try taking a mud bath each day.”

“Will that cure me?” asked Dan.

“No, but it’ll get you used to the dirt”, responded the physician.

3. Embarrassing situations:

By nature Jason was very intelligent but a bit shy. One day he went into a bar and he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table drinking a white wine spritzer.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes of this woman and eventually he plucked up the courage to walk across and speak to her.

Hello I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly but politely.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!

Jason blushed, beetroot red with embarrassment and everyone in the bar looked over to see what was going on.

So he walked back over to the counter where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he’d finished his drink.

However a couple of minutes later the attractive woman walked over to him and apologised.

I’m really sorry”, she said. “I’m a PhD student at Harvard and I’m doing research on how people respond in embarrassing situations.

To which Jason responded, yelling loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge three hundred dollars minimum?

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37 funny comebacks for dealing with rude people

Funny ComebacksThe art of funny comebacks is one well worth developing.

We all have to deal with rude comments and mean and spiteful people occasionally. That’s all part of human existence.

However how often do you wish you had a suitable response ready to go to put such people firmly in their place?

If only you had a stock of funny comebacks to choose from when situations dictate?

Well here are 37 funny comebacks that you find useful when you’re faced with dealing with rude, mean or difficult people. How many of these can you work into your day?

If there are any of these funny comebacks that you particularly like then please share this post with your friends but not before you’ve enjoyed them all first.

Remember: When you share, everyone wins.

Funny Comebacks:

  1. You know you really should buy some breath mints? 
  2. I have better things to do than listen to you.
  3. Whoever told you to be yourself has given you bad advice.
  4. I don’t care what everyone else says, I don’t think you’re that bad.
  5. Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
  6. I believed in evolution until I met you.
  7. Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you?
  8. I accept I’m not perfect but at least I’m not you. 
  9. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
  10. You always bring me so much joy, the minute you leave the room.
  11. I don’t need a proctologist to tell me you’re an asshole.
  12. I’m not a cactus expert but I do know a prick when I see one.
  13. I would explain it to you but I have neither the time nor the crayons! 
  14. Sorry buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
  15. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart.
  16. If only your dad had used a condom, the world would be a better place.
  17. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Take a day off and give the rest of us a break.
  18. Everyone said you were unpleasant but I didn’t believe them ……. until now.
  19. Sorry but you’re confusing me with someone who actually cares about what you think.
  20. Are you always such an idiot or do you just like to show off when I’m around?
  21. I understand what you’re saying but if I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
  22. Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while but you’re abusing the privilege.
  23. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Well, me neither.
  24. No wonder everyone talks about you behind your back.
  25. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.
  26. Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
  27. I don’t remember asking for your opinion.
  28. I was going to give you a nasty look but I can see you already got one.
  29. I’m busy, you’re ugly. Have a nice day.
  30. Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
  31. I hope you step on a Lego in your bare feet. 
  32. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
  33. Of course I talk like an idiot. How else would you be able to understand me?
  34. You can keep rolling your eyes if you must but you’re unlikely to find a brain back there.
  35. I don’t know what your problem is but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
  36. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  37. You sir are a human version of period cramps.

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25 brilliant one-liner quotes guaranteed to raise a smile

Brilliant one-linersHere are 25 brilliant one liner quotes guaranteed to raise a smile. I loved them all and I’m confident you will too. Enjoy!

Brilliant one-liner quotes:

  1. Everything’s difficult before it’s easy.
  2. I do all my own stunts but never intentionally.
  3. Don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.
  4. Your secret’s safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.
  5. If only we could invoice people for wasting our time.
  6. I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.
  7. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery.
  8. Sarcasm is just punching people in the face with words.
  9. The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces.
  10. You never know what you’ve got until you clean your room.
  11. Be like the postage stamp. Stick to a thing until you get there.
  12. I intended to behave but there were so many other options.
  13. If Cinderella’s shoe was such a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
  14. Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.
  15. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
  16. Revenge sounds so mean. I prefer to call it returning the favour.
  17. They say nothing’s impossible but I’ve been doing nothing all day.
  18. I’m still waiting for the wisdom I was assured would come with age.
  19. If one door opens when another closes, your house is probably haunted.
  20. You know it’s time to move on when the best part of your job is a chair that swivels.
  21. If you want your children to listen to you, try talking in a very low voice to someone else.
  22. If you’re going to get into trouble for hitting someone, you might as well hit them hard.
  23. People who can’t find time for rest and recreation will be forced to make time for illness, sooner or later.
  24. All I’m saying officer is that if you caught me then you must have been speeding too and no one’s above the law.
  25. When you get angry take a deep breath and count to 10. Then throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.

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If any of these one-liners made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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21 humorous quotes that will really tickle you

Humorous QuotesBy popular demand and just for you dear reader, here are another 21 humorous quotes that will really tickle you I’m sure.

Unfortunately I’ve struggled to identify the original authors of these witticisms so they must all be classified as ‘Author Unknown’.

However if anyone can help me on this point I’d be happy to give appropriate credits where possible. Just let me know either via Comments or Contact.

Either way I hope they will make you smile dear reader.

And should you be someone for whom life is tough right now, then I hope they bring a little light to what otherwise might be a dark day.

This is the latest collection of humorous quotes put together in response to requests from readers for more laughter and less gloom. So I hope that has been achieved.

These are probably as funny as any quotes you’ll read today or any day. Maybe you disagree? If so your comments would be welcome.

Laugh long and laugh loud for life is too short not to fill your days with laughter. Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life.

Humorous QuotesHumorous Quotes:

  1. It was me, I let the dogs out.
  2. Parenthood is the scariest hood to go through.
  3. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
  4. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  5. I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
  6. Today is one of those days when even my coffee needs a coffee.
  7. I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
  8. An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.
  9. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. There’s no stopping me now.
  10. Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
  11. I think something’s missing in my life. Like two or three million dollars.
  12. You know you’re a mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold.
  13. I once had a job in an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
  14. I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
  15. Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
  16. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three or four times, you know, just to be sure!
  17. Don’t mess with me; I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
  18. I was going to take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
  19. That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they’ve repeated it about five times.
  20. I remember years ago when all I wanted to do is be older. I was wrong.
  21. During his summer recess, Santa has been viewing your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

21 clever one-liners you’ll just love

Clever One-LinersHere are 21 clever one-liners you’ll just love. They’re all sharp and witty and guaranteed to amuse you. Take a minute to enjoy them all.

Clever one-liners:

  1. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  2. No I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  3. I would lose weight but I hate losing.
  4. Life is just a sexually transmitted disease.
  5. I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  6. Creditors have better memories than debtors.
  7. It’s only funny when it’s not happening to you.
  8. Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
  9. How could I miss you if you won’t go away?
  10. It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  11. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
  12. A lottery is just a tax on people who don’t understand math.
  13. Life would be so much better if we could mute some people.
  14. When I need an expert’s advice, I stand in front of the mirror.
  15. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Some only gargle.
  16. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
  17. Some people lose their tempers just from seeing you keep yours.
  18. I’m not looking for a stable relationship, I’ll settle for a stable internet connection.
  19. Don’t you just hate how spiders sit there on your wall and act like they pay rent?
  20. There is a solution for when your hair starts falling out. Put it in a box.
  21. People always say they don’t believe in ghosts until they hear a strange noise in the middle of the night.

Clever One-LinersEnjoyed these one-liners? Please share this post:

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21 amusing one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

Amusing one-linersDo you enjoy a good one-liner dear reader? You do? Then here are 21 amusing one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, so I’m hoping at least one or two of them will appeal to you too.

Take a few minutes to appreciate the art of the one-liner and see if you can work any of these lines into your day.

Amusing one-liners:

  1. Velcro is such a rip-off.
  2. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  3. With money only too much is enough.
  4. Your job is secure if no one else wants it.
  5. Dropped toast always lands jam-side down.
  6. Why is it that everyone my age is older than me?
  7. Sarcasm is the body’s natural shield against stupidity.
  8. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  9. Make love not war. If you want to do both, get married.
  10. There’s no such thing as arriving fashionably late in Crocs.
  11. I used to have a bandwagon but people kept jumping on it.
  12. Two French cheese trucks collided. De brie was everywhere.
  13. Relationships are like algebra. You look at your X and ask Y.
  14. You’re emotionally constipated if you haven’t given a shit for days.
  15. I’ve thought of buying a burial plot but it’s really the last thing I need.
  16. If the grass is greener on the other side then the water bill will be higher too.
  17. Whoever said nothing’s impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
  18. Playing bridge is like sex. If you haven’t got a good partner you’ll need a good hand.
  19. Before you question forward planning remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
  20. I entered everything I’d eaten into my fitness app and immediately it sent an ambulance to my house.
  21. Eat sensibly, exercise and don’t drink alcohol if you want to live long enough to spend your last few years in a care home.

Amusing one-linersEnjoyed these one-liners?

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If it made you smile then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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Here are 21 of the best one-liners ever

Best one-liners everToday I offer you some of the best one-liners ever.

I love a great one-liner and these are all brilliant. They’re amusing, sharp and very witty. I hope at least one or two of them will brighten your day.

So take a couple of minutes and enjoy them all.

Best one-liners ever:

  1. Am I indecisive? I’m not sure.
  2. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  3. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
  4. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  5. A clean house suggests there’s no WiFi.
  6. Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.
  7. It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
  8. I started with nothing and I’ve still got most of it.
  9. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  10. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.
  11. You say you’re a compulsive liar but I don’t believe you.
  12. Since I had my neck-brace fitted I’ve never looked back.
  13. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
  14. You shouldn’t laugh at your wife’s choices because you’re one of them.
  15. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon fails to return home then what you’ve actually lost is a pigeon.
  16. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving once, but you do need one to go twice.
  17. I love to hold hands at the movies but for some reason strangers sitting next to me never seem that keen.
  18. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you’ll look forward to the trip.
  19. Is it true that the security guys at the Samsung Store are known as Guardians of the Galaxy?
  20. You know they’re your friends when you walk into their home and you connect to the WiFi automatically.
  21. The absurdity of the sexual act is God’s way of reminding us that he really does have a sense of humor.

Enjoyed these one-liners? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these one-liners made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

Sarcastic RemarksIf you admire a clever put down or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day, when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!

And of course we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoe laces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

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