15 Quotes by Milton Berle


Though he’s no longer with us, Milton Berle was a comedian and actor from the golden age of American television. He’s generally regarded as the first major American television star and he was known to millions as Uncle Miltie and Mr Television. Younger readers probably won’t remember him but he was funny and very sharp. To prove the point, here are 15 Quotes by Milton Berle.

  1. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~Milton Berle
  2. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. ~Milton Berle
  3. Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
  4. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. ~Milton Berle
  5. You can lead a man to Congress but you can’t make him think. ~Milton Berle
  6. They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. ~Milton Berle
  7. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. ~Milton Berle
  8. I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s sixth husband. I know what I’m supposed to do but I don’t know how to make it interesting. ~Milton Berle
  9. Experience is what you have after you’ve forgotten her name. ~Milton Berle
  10. Money can’t buy you happiness but it helps you look for it in a lot more places. ~Milton Berle
  11. My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don’t try to run her life and I don’t try to run mine. ~Milton Berle
  12. The problem with life is by the time you can read women like a book your library card has expired. ~Milton Berle
  13. It’s rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. ~Milton Berle
  14. A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them! ~Milton Berle
  15. This man’s wife told him, “For Christmas, surprise me.” On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, “Boo!” ~Milton Berle

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