15 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny


Here are 15 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and make you smile simultaneously. They really are so bad they’re funny. Certainly they made me smile.

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
  • Man in bookstore: Where is the Self Help section please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told that sir it would defeat the purpose.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!
  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.
  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.
  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!
  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!
  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!
  • How do think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!
  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

Having read these bad jokes you may feel like you can still use a good laugh. If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

21 Funny Quotes

I love quotes and I love those funny quotes that make you smile and make you think. Here are 21 funny quotes to highlight my point. Enjoy them all.

  1. Smile today because tomorrow could be worse. ~Anonymous
  2. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ~Anonymous
  3. I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Anonymous
  4. You’re born free then you’re taxed to death. ~Anonymous
  5. He who wakes up early yawns all day long. ~Anonymous
  6. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. ~Anonymous
  7. Those who snore always fall asleep first. ~Anonymous
  8. Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence as its limits. ~Anonymous
  9. I just wanted you to know somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. ~Anonymous
  10. “Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.” ~Anonymous
  11. The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with. ~Anonymous
  12. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right. ~Anonymous
  13. To make a mistake is human but to blame it on someone else, now that’s even more human. ~Anonymous
  14. It may look like I’m doing nothing but in my head I’m quite busy. ~Anonymous
  15. When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window. ~Anonymous
  16. Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done. ~Anonymous
  17. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. ~Anonymous
  18. I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live. ~Anonymous
  19. Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck. ~Anonymous
  20. I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry! ~Anonymous
  21. My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. ~Anonymous

Having read these funny quotes you’ll probably feel that you can still use a good laugh. If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

17 of the Best Puns

I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect. I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones. Here of 17 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them dear reader then please let me know. That way I can give you credit for your brilliance.

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
  4. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  5. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  6. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bar tender?”
  7. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  8. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  9. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  10. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  11. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  12. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  13. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  14. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  15. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  16. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  17. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

If you agree that these are amongst the best puns and if they made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

17 Cheesy Jokes

Once again I’ve been surfing the Internet looking for humor and smiles. On this occasion I was looking for cheesy jokes. Well here are 17 cheesy jokes I found that should make you smile today I hope.

Unfortunately I couldn’t identify the authors but should you be one of them please let me know and I will add a suitable credit and link to your work.

  • What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles? 
  • UCLA 

 

  • Which US State has the smallest soft drinks? 
  • Mini-soda 

 

  • Where do pencils go for vacation? 
  • Pencil-vania

 

  • What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
  • A loose Canon

 

  • What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? 
  • A Bagel 

 

  • Where do Volkswagens go when they get old? 
  • The Old Volks home!

 

  • What did the fisherman say to the magician? 
  • Pick a cod, any cod!

 

  • Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
  • Because he was on a roll 

 

  • Why did the poor man sell yeast? 
  • To raise some dough

 

  • How do snails fight? 
  • They slug it out

 

  • Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? 
  • Because he wanted to see time fly! 

 

  • What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? 
  • I just love baskin’ robins

 

  • What do lawyers wear to court? 
  • Lawsuits! 

 

  • Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
  • He wanted cold hard cash!

 

  • What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? 
  • I don’t know and I don’t care. 

 

  • How does NASA organize a party?
  • They planet

 

  • What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand? 
  • Quattro Sinko 

If these cheesy jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 Silly Jokes

If jokes that are just a little bit silly appeal to you, here are 10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you smile. These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny but you just can’t help laughing at them. Well groaning anyway.

  • What do you call an alligator in a vest?
  • An investigator.
  • What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
  • A Minnie van!
  • What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna?
  • A Golden Receiver.
  • Where should a 600 pound gorilla go?
  • On a diet
  • What has one head, one foot and four legs?
  • A bed.
  • What did the stamp say to the envelope?
  • Stick with me and we’ll go places!
  • What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea?
  • They’d get wet.
  • Why did the photograph go to jail?
  • Because it was framed.
  • What would Bears become without Bees?
  • Ears.
  • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
  • Because then it would be a foot!
  • What is green and smells like blue paint?
  • Green paint.

If these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Black Humor Jokes

Do you enjoy black humor? That is, humor with a slightly darker edge? Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but it can be very funny I think. Here are 15 black humor jokes which I hope will make you smile. None of these are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone.

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.

 

  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lose my job as a bus driver.

 

  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

 

  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing. Quick get our daughter!

 

  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.

 

  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.

 

  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.

 

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

 

  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.

 

  • Finally I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

 

  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

 

  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dart board!

 

  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second hand shop.

 

  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?

 

  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 Hilarious Jokes

Jokes are always popular with readers, so once again I’ve been searching the Internet for stuff to make you smile. Here are 10 hilarious jokes that really made me laugh and I hope they brighten your day too.

They are all classified as ‘Author Unknown’ as I’ve have been unable to confirm the identity of the original authors. However I’d be happy to add appropriate writing credits to each and every joke if anyone can advise me as to their origin.

  • A naked woman robbed a bank.
  • Nobody could remember her face.

 

  • Patient: Doctor I’m so nervous, this is my first operation.
  • Doctor: Oh don’t worry. It’s mine too.

 

  • Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head.
  • Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

 

  • My girlfriend isn’t talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
  • I’m not sure how. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

 

  • My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances.
  • Well she’s in for a shock.

 

  • What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?
  • No whey Jose.

 

  • My girlfriend has her own taser.
  • She’s a real stunner.

 

  • I bought a dog off a blacksmith recently.
  • As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

 

  • What do you do with an epileptic lettuce?
  • You make a seizure salad.

 

  • A man walks into a zoo and the only animal they have is a dog
  • It’s a Shih Tzu.

If these hilarious jokes make you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Funny Work Quotes

Personally I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day. However not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously. Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is the subject of work. Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So here are 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one in particular I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find most of these and many more besides. So check it out.

  1. Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
  2. I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
  3. The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
  4. Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
  5. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
  6. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein
  7. As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
  8. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
  9. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
  10. He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
  11. Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
  12. Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
  13. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
  14. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
  15. I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

If these funny work quotes did make you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud

We all need more opportunities to laugh out loud, so I’ve gathered some more jokes by trawling the Internet just for you dear reader. I cannot be sure who wrote them originally but I’d be happy to credit the authors if anyone can tell me who they are. In the meantime, here are today’s 10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Certainly they made me smile.

  • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
  • One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
  • Snowballs.

 

  • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  • Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

 

  • Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
  • The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

 

  • How can you get four suits for a dollar?
  • Buy a deck of cards.

 

  • Why didn’t the melons get married?
  • Because they cantaloupe.

 

  • What did the bartender say to the drunk who walked into the bar with jumper cables around his neck?
  • “You can stay but don’t try to start anything.”

 

  • What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
  • A waist of time.

 

  • Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
  • He’s all right now.

 

  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
  • Because he had a great fall.

If these jokes did make you laugh out loud then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. Pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Why discretionary spending with debt is a bad idea

Never use debt to fund discretionary spending.” ~Roy Sutton

When you’re young you really want to enjoy life, right? That’s perfectly reasonable, surely? You’re fit, you’re healthy, you’re full of energy and there will never be a better time than now to enjoy yourself. If you can’t enjoy yourself when you’re young, when can you enjoy yourself?

If you’re lucky enough to have lots of money then good luck to you. Live life like there’s no tomorrow. The problem is most people are not quite so lucky. Most people are constrained financially, at least to some degree.

Equally for most young people, earnings are quite low when they start out on the road to independence and there are bills that can’t be avoided.

Everyone needs somewhere to live. We all need food to eat. We all need heating and lighting as well. Then there are all those taxes and municipal charges that must be paid too. So for most people there’s probably not a lot left at the end of the month for discretionary spending.

The temptation then is to borrow money so you can have a good time. Going into debt to fund discretionary spending is a really bad idea. So don’t be tempted.

Spend money you don’t have on anything that is not absolutely essential and you will be on the road to the poor house.

Some things you cannot live without. For instance if you want somewhere to live then you’ll probably have the need to buy a house. Unless you’re a millionaire, buying a house will mean a mortgage which is a form of debt. However that is good debt in the sense that you’ll be buying a home which is also likely to be an appreciating asset. So on that chances are you won’t lose.

Interest rates on mortgages are low because the mortgage provider will secure the debt against the property. You fail to pay and they’ll take the property. In this case risk for them would be low, so that is reflected in the interest rates charged.

Debt for discretionary spending is quite different. That will be unsecured debt and so interest rates on that debt will be very high. If the debt is on a credit card then chances are you’ll be paying in excess of 30%. If the debt is in the form of a ‘payday loan’ then interests rates can be anything from 1,000% to as much as 4,000% or even more. Even a small loan can quickly become a massive debt due to the effect of compound interest.

If you’d like to take a holiday or buy a car or have a party or buy the latest electronic gizmo, then save up for it first. For items like these, you only buy once you have the money in the bank to cover the cost.

Debt when it is unsecured is always very expensive and once you get sucked into a large debt hole it can be a real struggle to get out again. Debt enslaves you; it is stressful; and it will keep you awake at night. The pleasure you might get from discretionary spending can quickly turn into a nightmare if it results in debt.

Getting into debt is easy; getting out again can be both difficult and painful. Don’t allow your better judgement to become clouded by your desire for a little pleasure. Everyone wants to have fun but don’t make the mistake of getting your kicks with money you don’t have.

However big the temptation; you will regret it later. Debt is a burden.

That of course is one opinion. What do you think? Your ideas and stories might help other people, so feel free to comment.

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