5 short inspirational quotes that’ll really make you think


Short Inspirational QuotesDon’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

On days when I don’t work I am working on maintaining my image, just like an athlete. ~Linda Evangelista

I would perceive three years at university as a waste of time. I would have made £200,000 by then. ~Lord Sugar

You have to rule the money. Don’t let the money rule you. ~Fil Adams-Mercer

Marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay interest. ~Bob Monkhouse

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Why the importance of health can’t be overstated

Importance of HealthHealth is better than wealth. ~English Proverb

Accumulating money at the expense of your health is unwise, to say the least.

Yes we all want money and we’d all like plenty of it too. I understand that, as I’m sure you do dear reader. However if you’re in bad health you can’t really enjoy your little pot of gold, can you?

The problem is, work can often be stressful, particularly if you’re an entrepreneur running your own business. And stress takes its toll on your health.

As any entrepreneur will know, running your own business can be a 24/7 game.

You work very hard and you work long and often stressful hours too. It goes with the territory.

The payback is that you can get very rich this way.

However you must be very careful here. Building wealth is an admirable pursuit but not at the expense of your health. There must be some balance in your life. It can’t be all about chasing money.

Yes of course money can pay for better healthcare but so what? You can only truly enjoy your life if you are fully fit and healthy, surely?

There’s a lot to be said for financial freedom of course but being free from illness is always better than being rich.

Run your own business by all means. That can be an excellent career choice. And success, either as an entrepreneur or an employee for that matter, will need plenty of hard work. That’s a given dear reader.

However never work yourself so hard that it has a negative impact on your health.

There is no sense in making yourself ill. Damage done to your health can’t always be repaired.

So your priority should be to pay attention to your own wellbeing and make sure there is some balance between making money and staying fit and healthy.

Being the richest person in the graveyard has little going for it, does it?

That’s my opinion dear reader but what do you think? Have you got a cautionary tales you’d like to share with my readers? I’d love to hear from you.

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21 thought-provoking quotes about strength

Quotes about strengthLife can be overwhelming sometimes. We all experience pressures and problems. If that’s you then you’re not alone.

In times of trial it’s easy to feel you’re not strong enough to cope.

However it is through life’s challenges that character is formed.

If you can keep going through your most difficult times then you will become stronger as a result.

Remember this; you’re stronger than you think.

You have enormous strength within you, so dig deep. Keep going and never let anything beat you. You’re as good as anyone. If others can, then you can too.

And to help you keep it all in perspective here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about strength:-

Quotes about strengthQuotes about strength:

  1. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it. ~Joel Osteen
  2. Tough times never last but tough people do. ~Robert H. Schuller
  3. There are better starters than me but I’m a strong finisher. ~Usain Bolt
  4. Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle. ~Napoleon Hill
  5. Be very strong and be very methodical in your life if you want to be a champion. ~Alberto Juantorena
  6. A single arrow is easily broken; a bundle of ten is not. ~Japanese Proverb
  7. Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
  8. All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. ~Walt Disney
  9. There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. ~Booker T. Washington
  10. A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep. ~Vernon Howard
  11. Little strokes fell great oaks. ~Ben Franklin
  12. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. ~Hermann Hesse
  13. We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do that which we think we cannot. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  14. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  15. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  16. You have power over your mind; not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. ~Marcus Aurelius
  17. Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. ~Susan Gale
  18. Anyone can give up it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. ~Author Unknown
  19. Fall down seven times, get up eight. ~Japanese Proverb
  20. The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
  21. Strong people don’t put people down. They lift them up! ~Author Unknown

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Here is some funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

Funny political satire In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a new host in Fiona Bruce but it’s still just a lot of hot air I think.

Essentially it’s just a carefully selected bunch of people with rigid views coupled with an inability to understand why others may think the way they do. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is nowadays.

Nevertheless it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and funny political satire.

So if like me you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might just enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s very funny and for me they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

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Money: Servant or Master?

Money Servant or MasterMoney is a good servant but a bad master. ~English Proverb

If you’re lucky enough to have some money then it can serve you well.

If you’ve got your money working for you then it can make your life both pleasant and comfortable. With enough money you can have the lifestyle of your choice. So in that sense money is a very good servant.

However owing money is quite another matter.

If you owe money to other people then that debt can control your life in all sorts of unpleasant ways. Essentially debt enslaves you.

And that’s when money can become a very bad master.

Owing money can be stressful and it can really take its toll on your well-being

It’s true, you can’t always avoid debt. For instance few of us can afford to buy a home without a mortgage. That would be true for the purchase of a car too without a financing arrangement.

However you should never take on debt to fund discretionary spending. That’s unwise. If you can live without it then don’t buy it until you’ve got enough of your own money to pay for it.

Today’s mantra is simple. If you can avoid incurring debt, you should.

Well you should if you want to sleep soundly at night, that’s for sure.

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5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day

Funniest Jokes1. Fred and Ginger dining out:

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining out in a very swanky, five star New York City hotel and they’d both made a point of dressing for the occasion.

Ginger looked absolutely stunning is her ball gown and diamond tiara while Fred arrived in his trademark top hat, white tie and tails. They both looked like the million dollar movie stars they were.

All was going well with dinner until they got to dessert. While serving dessert the clumsy waiter managed to trip and Fred was showered from head to toe in treacle pudding.

Oh, I’m most terribly sorry, Mr Astaire,” said the waiter.

Fred was not amused. “So you ought to be,” he said angrily.

Fred sat there fuming as the waiter tried his best to assist.

Look at the state of me now,” said Fred. “I’ve pudding on my top hat; pudding on my white tie; and pudding on my tails.

2. Church on Sunday:

Leaving church one Sunday Bernadette said to her husband Frank, “Do you think Mrs O’Shaughnessy is dying her hair?

To be honest Bernadette, I didn’t even notice Mrs O’Shaughnessy,” Frank responded.

They walked together quietly for a few moments and then Bernadette remarked, “Did you see that skirt Mrs Kilkenny was wearing? Now don’t tell me you thought that was appropriate for a 40 year old mother of six.

I’m afraid I didn’t really notice Mrs Kilkenny either,” said Frank.

Huh!” Bernadette responded dismissively. “A lot of good it does you going to church on Sundays.

3. The will reading:

A lawyer was reading out the will of a wealthy man to his family and everyone mentioned in the document.

To my loving wife Mary, my rock and without whom my life would have been very different, I leave the mansion in Bel-Air and $20 million,” the lawyer read out loud.

He paused momentarily for his audience to digest this information and then he continued reading.

To my darling daughter Louisa who supported me so much when my health began to fail and never once complained, I leave my business, my yacht and $1 million,” said the lawyer.

Again he paused momentarily to allow this information to sink in.

The lawyer then continued reading the final section of the will, “And to my brother Neville who argued with me constantly, hated my guts and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Neville!

4. Engine trouble:

While cruising at 35,000 feet, the aircraft suddenly shuddered violently.

One passenger looked out of the window and then shouted, “Oh my God! One of the engines has just blown up.

The passengers were white with fear when moments later the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as an engine on the opposite side exploded.

Passengers started to panic and the cabin crew struggled to keep order.

However just then the Captain strode confidently from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing about which they should be alarmed.

Reassured by the Captain’s calm manner, passengers returned to their seats and he coolly walked over to the aircraft’s door.

He then grabbed several packages from under the seats near the door and started handing them to the rest of the crew.

Crew members immediately fastened these packages to their backs.

One observant passengers said, “Hey, aren’t they parachutes?

Yes,” said the Captain.

But you said there was no need to be alarmed,” the passenger responded.

There isn’t,” replied the Captain as a third engine suddenly exploded. “We’re going to get help.

5. Cashflow problem at the zoo:

A zoo was experiencing serious cashflow problems due to visitor numbers falling.

The zoo’s management got together to discuss how they could reverse the trend by introducing a major attraction.

Following the meeting the manager persuaded a visitor, who was a very big, stocky man, to take a job dressing up in a gorilla costume and masquerading as a great ape.

This deception worked well as the man really threw himself into the role with enthusiasm; devouring buckets of bananas, swinging from branches, pacing his cage menacingly, beating his chest and roaring loudly.

However one day he went a bit too far and he accidently fell into the lion’s enclosure next door.

Panicking, the bogus gorilla started shouting, “Help! Help!

The lion let out a tremendous roar, then rushed at him. He put his paw on the bogus gorilla’s chest and growled, “Shut up buddy, or we’ll both lose our jobs!

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Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

Naturally the bartender is a little wary of this guy but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

After the fifth beer the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?

To which the guy responds, “This is where the problems start!

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.

Many years later the woman receives a letter from Juan which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.

To which her husband responds, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus completely full with passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent but these were tragic circumstances. The situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God “I wish to be beautiful.

God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is truly beautiful.

The next woman hesitates momentarily but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is also truly very beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again, their wishes are granted and they too are now very beautiful.

By now the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However with each wish granted the guy at the end of the line, seems to laugh even harder.

Finally it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

4. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally the doctor inquired as to what happened.

Well doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However still nothing.

Looking shocked the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?

To which the old man replied, “Yes but none of us could get the lid off the jar.

5. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now Einstein’s driver Tom looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car on the way to the conference Einstein said, “You know Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.

Now that’s a great idea Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.

So they immediately switch clothes, Einstein hands Tom his notes and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curved ball and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However Tom has been around the block a few times and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy to answer your question is, I will let my driver reply to it for me.

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21 most inspirational quotes about life to empower you to succeed

  1. Inspirational quotes about lifeYou only live once, but if you do it right once is enough. ~Mae West
  2. One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching. ~Gerard Way
  3. Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. ~Henry Ford
  4. The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others. ~Hasidic Proverb
  5. What you lack in talent can be made up with desire, hustle and giving 110% all the time. ~Don Zimmer
  6. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~C.S. Lewis
  7. The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. ~Walt Disney
  8. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein
  9. Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else. ~Les Brown
  10. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Wishing is not enough; we must do. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  11. The only way it gets better is when you get better as whatever you do. ~Jim Rohn
  12. Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. ~Joshua J. Marine
  13. Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. ~Og Mandino
  14. We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated. ~Maya Angelou
  15. For every reason it’s not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded. ~Jack Canfield
  16. Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. ~John Wooden
  17. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. ~Zig Ziglar
  18. There are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you place on your own thinking. ~Brian Tracy
  19. We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action. ~Dr Henry Link
  20. If you are working on something that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you. ~Steve Jobs
  21. Today’s accomplishments were yesterday’s impossibilities. ~Robert H. Schuller

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21 thought-provoking quotes about love

Quotes about loveWe all need to feel loved and we all crave affection. That’s only natural.

However love is an emotion, so it’s more complex than we’d prefer. It’s complex enough to be beyond the comprehension of most people most of the time.

Mostly love is one of life’s great mysteries.

So here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about love to help you reflect on the great mystery of love.

If you’re in love then I hope it’s reciprocated.

If you’d like to be in love then I hope you find that special someone some time very soon. In the meantime enjoy today’s quotes.

Quotes about love:

  1. Where there is love there is life. Mahatma Gandhi
  2. Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. Euripides
  3. Forgiveness is the final form of love. Reinhold Niebuhr
  4. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
  5. Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own. H. Jackson Brown Jr
  6. The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. Hubert H. Humphrey
  7. Money can buy you a fine dog but only love can make him wag his tail. Kinky Friedman
  8. Quotes about loveThe most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Theodore Hesburgh
  9. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. Audrey Hepburn
  10. Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. Mother Teresa
  11. The most important thing in the world is family and love. John Wooden
  12. Faith makes all things possible and love makes all things easy. Dwight L. Moody
  13. Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. Rumi
  14. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were. Richard Bach
  15. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses. Ann Landers
  16. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. William Shakespeare
  17. Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you. Loretta Young
  18. I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. John Keats
  19. They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything. Bil Keane
  20. Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love. Mario Teguh
  21. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Martin Luther King Jr

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5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

1. The Dead Duck

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.

But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.

2. Never underestimate an old man

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.

The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!

Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old man.

3. The Hitman

Bill is at the funeral of an old High School friend in Manhattan.

They’re all standing in the graveyard gathering their thoughts after the coffin has been lowered, when Bill notices Jim, another old friend from his High School days.

Hello Jim” says Bill.

Hello buddy, it’s been a long time. How are you?” asks Jim.

Bill responds positively but he’s puzzled as to why Jim is carrying an attaché case at a funeral.

What’s in the case?” asks Bill.

Oh, this is a tool of my trade.” says Jim.

What do you mean? What sort of tool is it?” asks Bill.

It’s a high velocity rifle.” says Jim.

Now why would you need a high velocity rifle?” asks Bill.

 “Because I’m a hitman.” says Jim.

Jog on! You’re yanking my chain, surely?” says Bill.

I’m serious” says Jim, “I make my living as a hitman. Take a look.

With that Jim opens the attaché case to show he does indeed have a high velocity rifle complete with telescopic sight and silencer.

Wow” says Bill, “Can I take a closer look at that?

Sure!” says Jim. With that he assembles the rifle, fits the telescopic sight and then passes it across to Bill.

Bill lifts the rifle to his shoulder and peers through the telescopic sight. “Wow! This is amazing. I can see everything so clearly.

Impressive, eh?” says Jim.

Yes sir. I can see right across Central Park. I can even see my own apartment on the Upper West Side” says Bill. “Wait a minute I can see right through my bedroom window and I can see my wife’s having sex with my neighbour.

Really?” says Jim.

Yeah, really!” says Bill. “How much do you charge for a hit?

Well I charge $10,000 dollars per shot but with this telescopic sight I only ever need one shot to hit the target.” says Jim.

Right!” says Bill. “I’ll have two. I want you to shoot her right through the head and I want you to shoot him in the genitals.

So Jim takes the rifle, puts it so his shoulder, peers down the lens of the telescopic sight and carefully starts taking aim. However he then seems to take an age, as he starts waving the rifle barrel around and keeps adjusting the line of sight.

As he waits, Bill starts getting increasingly agitated as he thinks about what’s going on in his apartment.

What’s going on now?” he asks, clearly freaking out. “What are they doing? Why are you taking so long? Why are you hesitating?

Have patience my friend”, says Jim. “I’m trying to save you ten grand.

4. Jack the cowboy

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and says to the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

Jack looks at the man, who’s obviously a yuppie, he then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and responds calmly, “Sure, why not?

The yuppie then whips out a very impressive iPhone X smartphone from his jacket pocket and begins to surf the NASA website. Simultaneously he uses the GPS satellite to get the exact coordinates of his location. He then feeds that back to Google Earth to capture a high-resolution image of this location.

The young man then opens the digital image in Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Langley, Virginia.

Within seconds, he receives an email to his iPhone X to confirm that the image has been processed and the data captured and stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally he uses an AirPrint printer located in his car to print out a full-color, 150-page report. He then turns to Jack, hands him the report and says, “Sir, you’ll see from the Executive Summary that you have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.

That’s right,” says Jack. “I guess you can take one of my calves.

Jack then watches with amusement as the young man struggles to get the animal into the trunk of his car.

After a minute or two, Jack says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?

The young man thinks for a second and then he says, “Sure, why not?

You’re a Congressman for the US Government“, says Jack.

Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?

No guessing required son,” Jack responded. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want paying for an answer I already know; to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars-worth of equipment trying to show me how smart you are; and you don’t know a thing about how ordinary, working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. If you did you’d know that this herd is actually a flock of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

5. The old Native American and a $500 loan 

An old Native American man has a need to borrow $500, so he goes to his local bank and asks to speak with the Loans officer.

The banker welcomes him and then says a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

Buy silver, make jewelry, then sell it,” the man responded.

And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

Well that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?

Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?

Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

How old is it?” the banker enquired.

Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while but eventually the banker decides to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

Business has been good I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?

Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank,” the banker enquired.

Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

Well, you just put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk and looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

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