10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh


If jokes that are just a little bit silly appeal to you, then here are 10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny but you just can’t help laughing at them. Well groaning anyway.

Certainly they all made me smile and I hope you enjoy them too dear reader.

Today’s Silly Jokes:

  • What do you call an alligator in a vest?
  • An investigator.

 

  • What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
  • A Minnie van!

 

  • What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna?
  • A Golden Receiver.

 

  • Where should a 600 pound gorilla go?
  • On a diet

 

  • What has one head, one foot and four legs?
  • A bed.

 

  • What did the stamp say to the envelope?
  • Stick with me and we’ll go places!

 

  • What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea?
  • They’d get wet.

 

  • Why did the photograph go to jail?
  • Because it was framed.

 

  • What would Bears become without Bees?
  • Ears.

 

  • Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
  • Because then it would be a foot!

Please share:

If these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

Here are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers over the past few weeks and which I thought I’d share with you. I can’t be sure of their origins but they all made me smile. So I hope they brighten your day too dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl I’m sure. I hope so anyway. Enjoy them all.

Great one-liner jokes:

  1. A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
  2. The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
  3. My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
  4. I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
  5. Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
  6. I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
  7. There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
  8. I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
  9. Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
  10. For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
  11. My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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If you’ve enjoyed these great one-liner jokes then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 hilarious jokes that will certainly make you laugh

Jokes are always popular with readers, so once again I’ve been searching the Internet for stuff to make you smile. Here are 10 hilarious jokes that really made me laugh and I hope they brighten your day too.

They are all classified as ‘Author Unknown’ as I’ve have been unable to confirm the identity of the original authors. However I’d be happy to add appropriate writing credits to each and every joke if anyone can advise me as to their origin.

  • A naked woman robbed a bank.
  • Nobody could remember her face.

 

  • Patient: Doctor I’m so nervous, this is my first operation.
  • Doctor: Oh don’t worry. It’s mine too.

 

  • Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head.
  • Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

 

  • My girlfriend isn’t talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
  • I’m not sure how. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

 

  • My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances.
  • Well she’s in for a shock.

 

  • What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?
  • No whey Jose.

 

  • My girlfriend has her own taser.
  • She’s a real stunner.

 

  • I bought a dog off a blacksmith recently.
  • As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

 

  • What do you do with an epileptic lettuce?
  • You make a seizure salad.

 

  • A man walked into a zoo and the only animal they have was a dog
  • It was a Shih Tzu.

Please share:

If you’ve enjoyed these hilarious jokes then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Really funny commercials that will make you smile

How many commercials does the average person see in a year? Literally thousands, wouldn’t you agree?

And how many of those commercials will the average consumer remember as they consider making a purchasing decision? Not that many I think.

However if a commercial is to leave a powerful impression on consumers then it needs to be memorable. And how is it made memorable? Well there can be few better ways than the use of humour.

The best commercials are really funny with a link back to the product’s unique selling proposition.

Here is a video with a series of commercials for the culturally insensitively named chocolate bar Japp (a product made by the Mars company I believe) which tick all the boxes for me. 

These really funny commercials made me smile and I hope they will brighten your day too.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 funny one-liners that are pure gold

Don’t you just love people who are quick with a joke and are never short of a witty riposte or two when they need it?

Personally I think you have to admire a quick wit. However did you know that many so called quick wits simply memorise a lot of witty stuff and create for themselves a mental ‘quiver full of arrows’ ready for use whenever necessary?

Well if they can do that then so can you. All you need is a little ammunition to get started. So here are some very funny one-liners to get you going. See how many of them you can work into your day.

They all made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too. So give yourself a break for a few minutes and enjoy today’s smiles.

Funny one-liners:

  1. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving is not for you.
  2. Wear short sleeves! Support the right to bare arms!
  3. How come we never see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
  4. 42.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  6. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
  7. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  8. Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
  9. Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
  10. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  11. Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
  12. It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you
  13. Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
  14. Support bacteria, they’re the only culture some people have.
  15. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
  16. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  18. What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
  19. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  20. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
  21. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Please share:

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today then please share these funny one-liners with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 humorous quotes that will really tickle you

By popular demand and just for you dear reader, here are another 21 humorous quotes that will really tickle you I’m sure.

Unfortunately I’ve struggled to identify the original authors of these witticisms so they must all be classified as ‘Author Unknown’. However if anyone can help me on this point I’d be happy to give appropriate credits where possible. Just let me know either via Comments or Contact.

Either way I hope they make you smile dear reader. And should you be someone for whom life is touch right now, then I hope they bring a little light to your day.

This is the latest collection of humorous quotes put together in response to requests from readers for more laughter and less gloom. So I hope that has been achieved.

These are probably as funny as any quotes you’ll read today or any day. Maybe you disagree? If so your comments would be welcome.

Laugh long and laugh loud for life is too short not to fill your days with laughter. Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life.

Humorous Quotes:

  1. It was me, I let the dogs out.
  2. Parenthood is the scariest hood to go through.
  3. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
  4. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  5. I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
  6. Today is one of those days when even my coffee needs a coffee.
  7. I am one step away from being rich and all I need now is money.
  8. An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.
  9. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. There’s no stopping me now.
  10. Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
  11. I remember years ago when all I wanted to do is be older. I was wrong.
  12. I think something’s missing in my life. Like two or three million dollars.
  13. You know you’re a mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold.
  14. I once had a job in an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
  15. I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
  16. Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
  17. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three or four times, you know, just to be sure!
  18. I was going to take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
  19. Don’t mess with me; I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
  20. That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they’ve repeated it about five times.
  21. During his summer recess, Santa has been viewing your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Please share:

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today then please share these humorous quotes with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

33 Hilarious Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, particularly when we’re young. We’re in a bar or a club and we see someone attractive, who we’d like to get to know a little bit better. The weapon of choice in such situations is the pick-up line or chat-up line as a conversation opener with the intent of engaging that person in the hope that it may lead to dating or romance.

Sadly there are not many pick-up lines that we can truly look back on with pride though.

Here are 33 hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines that may not stand the test of time but certainly they’ll make you smile right now. Enjoy them all.

  1. Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
  2. Are you Yoda? Because Yodalicious.
  3. Your hand looks heavy can I hold it for you?
  4. Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
  5. Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper!
  6. Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  7. Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
  8. Hello, you’re so hot a firefighter couldn’t put you out.
  9. I must be in a museum because you’re a work of art.
  10. You’re so lovely, you make me wanna go out and get a job
  11. Hi, I’m writing a phone book. Can I have your number?
  12. I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
  13. Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.
  14. I’m not a photographer but I can picture me and you together.
  15. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  16. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  17. I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
  18. Was your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
  19. I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
  20. Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  21. Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams
  22. You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet.
  23. Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  24. I heard you’re good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking Y
  25. Do you have a band aid? Because I scraped my knees falling for you.
  26. You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!
  27. Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
  28. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
  29. Do you know if there are any police around here? Cause I’m about to steal your heart.
  30. You look familiar. Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  31. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I’m willing to make an exception in your case.
  32. I may not be the best looking guy here but I’m the only one talking to you.
  33. Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?

Having read these pick-up lines you may feel like you can still use a good laugh.

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud

We all need more opportunities to laugh out loud, so I’ve gathered some more jokes by trawling the Internet just for you dear reader. I cannot be sure who wrote them originally but I’d be happy to credit the authors if anyone can tell me who they are. In the meantime, here are today’s 10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Certainly they made me smile.

  • What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
  • A waist of time.

 

  • Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
  • He’s all right now.

 

  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
  • Because he had a great fall.

 

  • How can you get four suits for a dollar?
  • Buy a deck of cards.

 

  • Why didn’t the melons get married?
  • Because they cantaloupe.

 

  • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  • Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

 

  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
  • Snowballs.

 

  • What did the bartender say to the drunk who walked into the bar with jumper cables around his neck?
  • “You can stay but don’t try to start anything.”

 

  • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
  • One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

  • Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
  • The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

If you enjoyed them, please share:

If you did enjoy these jokes dear reader then please share them with your friends on social media. Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Witty Quotes That Will Make Anyone Smile

 Posts which include something to make readers smile always get a good response. So here are 15 witty quotes which are razor sharp and at least a few of them should brighten your day.

This is the latest in a collection of witty quotes put together in response to requests from readers for a little levity to break up the otherwise gloomy news which seems to be part of our lives today.

So go on have a laugh right now and enjoy them all.

Today’s Quotes:

  1. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West
  2. When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. ~Groucho Marx
  3. Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain
  4. Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  5. I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ~Oscar Wilde
  6. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ~W.C. Fields
  7. My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ~Winston S. Churchill
  8. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
  9. Two wrongs don’t make a right but they do make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
  10. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. ~A.A. Milne
  11. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? ~Laurence J. Peter
  12. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields
  13. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ~Paul Terry
  14. When you’re courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. ~Albert Einstein
  15. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~George Carlin

If you enjoyed them, please share:

If you did enjoy these witty quotes dear reader then please share them with your friends on social media. Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

Naturally the bartender is a little wary of this guy but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

After the fifth beer the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?

To which the guy responds, “This is where the problems start!

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.

Many years later the woman receives a letter from Juan which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.

To which her husband responds, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus completely full with passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent but these were tragic circumstances. The situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God “I wish to be beautiful.

God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is truly beautiful.

The next woman hesitates momentarily but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is also truly very beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again, their wishes are granted and they too are now very beautiful.

By now the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However with each wish granted the guy at the end of the line, seems to laugh even harder.

Finally it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

4. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally the doctor inquired as to what happened.

Well doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However still nothing.

Looking shocked the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?

To which the old man replied, “Yes but none of us could get the lid off the jar.

5. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now Einstein’s driver Tom looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car on the way to the conference Einstein said, “You know Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.

Now that’s a great idea Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.

So they immediately switch clothes, Einstein hands Tom his notes and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curved ball and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However Tom has been around the block a few times and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy to answer your question is, I will let my driver reply to it for me.

If you enjoyed them, please share:

If you did enjoy these short story jokes dear reader then please share them with your friends on social media. Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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