13 corny jokes that will really make you smile


Corny JokesLife shouldn’t be serious all the time. Occasionally we all need to smile.

So my question to you today is; do you like corny jokes?

No?

Well that’s a pity because I’ve found 13 of them that made me smile. And I hope they will make you smile too.

The source of these corny jokes is a website called Tickld which is new to me.

However I had a very pleasant time enjoying all the funnies it had on offer.

A link to Tickld is included so take a look but not before you’ve enjoyed what I thought was some of their best corny jokes.

And here are those 13 corny jokes for you:-

Corny Jokes:

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said: Thank you.

And I said: Don’t mention it!

 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

My friend said to me: What rhymes with orange?

And I said: No it doesn’t!

 

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

 

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

 

Corny JokesSo what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.

 

How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

 

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.

 

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey.

 

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

 

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!

 

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

 

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Please share these jokes with your friends on social media:

So did these corny jokes really make you smile? Were they all you hoped they’d be dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day

And if you’d like to see what else Tickld has to offer then just CLICK HERE.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

Hilarious jokes sure to make you laughIf you’re in need of a good laugh and let’s face it, we all need a good laugh, then once again and I’ve been collecting jokes just for you dear reader.

I’ve done the hard work so you don’t have to and I’m confident that you will find today’s joke collection very funny.

So here is another batch of hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh.

And remember; if they have you falling over laughing your socks off then please, please share them with your friends on social media but not before you’ve actually enjoyed today’s jokes.

1. One man and his talking dog:

Jim walks into a New York bar with his dog Fido.

Jim walks right up to the bar, turns to face the seated customers and says, “This is my dog Fido and believe it or not, he’s a talking dog. If I can demonstrate to you that Fido can answer any of my questions who will buy me a drink?

Listen buddy, if you can demonstrate that Fido can talk, you can have a drink on the house,” says the bartender.

So Jim turns to Fido and asks, “What goes on the top of a house?

Roof!” Fido responds.

What does tree bark feel like?” asks Jim.

Rough!” says Fido.

Who was the greatest baseball player ever?” asks Jim.

Ruth!” says Fido.

The bartender is really unimpressed with what he’s hearing and he snaps at Jim. “You’re a phoney buddy. We’re not fooled by any of that. You and your dog can get out of here right now. Go on, on your way!

As Jim and his dog are thrown out on to the street, Fido looks sadly at Jim and says. “What did I do wrong? Should I have said Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle?

2. The thief and the Parrot:

A thief breaks into a house when he thinks no one will be at home.

He’s creeping carefully through the property and as he steps into the lounge he’s stopped dead in his tracks when he suddenly hears someone say very clearly, “Jesus is watching you!

He stands very still for a moment until everything in the house falls silent again. At this point he moves forward very slowly.

Once again he hears that voice, “Jesus is watching you!

The thief is now frightened out of his wits and he stops once again to focus on locating the voice.

He’s looking around peering into the darkness when he spots a birdcage and in the birdcage is a parrot.

The thief looks the parrot in the eyes and asks, “Was that you who said, ‘Jesus is watching me’?

Yes”, said the parrot.

The thief relaxes and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness for that”, he says to the parrot. “What’s your name?

The family here call me Ronald”, said the parrot.

Ronald? You cannot be serious!” laughs the thief. “What sort of family calls their pet parrot Ronald?

The sort of family who call their ferocious, Rottweiler guard dog Jesus” the parrot responds.

3. Hospital banter:

Five surgeons are taking their lunch break and enjoying a little banter to relax. The conversation moves on quickly to the people they regard as the best patients.

The first surgeon says, “For me, it’s got to be accountants. They are the best people to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, “No, I don’t agree. Librarians have to be the best people on which to operate because everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon thinks for a minute, smiles and then he says, “Sounds like you’ve never operated on an electrician. When you open them up you’ll find everything inside them is color coded!

The fourth surgeon laughs and says,” Well personally I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gut-less and their heads and butts are interchangeable.

The fifth surgeon has been quietly listening to the conversation so far when he’s asked by the others what he thinks.

Well I like to operate on engineers because they’re always very understanding if I find myself with a few parts left over when the job’s done” he says.

4. Talking dog for sale:

A couple are out for a walk when they notice a large sign outside a house which reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.

They are both intrigued by the idea of a talking dog, so they knock on the door and ask if they can take a look at this dog

Sure!” says the owner, “Come on in.

The owner escorts them into the lounge where the dog is lying on the sofa watching television.

Hello,” they say to the dog.

Hello,” the dog responds.

What have you done with your life so far then?” the couple ask the dog.

Well actually I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog.

Really?” says the couple.

Yes really,” says the dog. “I’ve lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I work part-time reading to the residents in a retirement home.

The couple are amazed by this. They can’t believe any dog could have done quite so much.

One of them then asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of this amazing dog?

“Oh, we’re getting rid of him because he’s a liar. He’s not done any of those things” says the owner.

5. Miscommunication:

Jed goes into a public restroom and he’s barely sat down in the cubicle when he hears a voice say, “Hi, how are you?

Feeling a little embarrassed Jed says politely, “Well I guess I’m doing fine thank you!

The voice then responds, “So what are you up to?

Jed is even more embarrassed but once again he responds politely, “Well just like you, I’m sitting here trying to get a load off my mind.

He then hears the voice say, “Hey, can I come over?

Jed is now extremely embarrassed and starting to get slightly irritated too, so he snaps back, “Look, surely you understand I’m a bit busy right now!

At this point he hears the voice say, “Jane listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next cubicle who keeps responding to all my questions!

6. Two hunters:

Two hunters are out in the woods hunting bears when one of them suddenly collapses.

The other guy checks him over and realises that he’s not breathing and his eyes are a bit glazed. So he grabs his cell phone and immediately calls 911.

I think my friend’s dead!” he yells down the phone with panic in his voice. “What should I do?

Sir, if you can just calm down I’ll help you” says the operator calmly. “Let’s just make sure he’s dead first.

There’s then a moment of silence, followed by what is clearly a gunshot.

Back on the phone, the guy then says to the operator, “Right, now what?

7. Cosmetic surgery:

Jill, a middle-aged woman, is having surgery in hospital following a severe heart attack when she has a vision of God by her bedside.

Will I die God?” she asks.

To which God responds, “No my dear, you still have 30 more years to live yet.

Well if she’s got 30 more years to look forward to and since she’s in hospital anyway, Jill decides she might as well make the most of her operation.

So she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a hair transplant, and collagen injections in her lips. When it’s all finished and the bruises have healed she looks absolutely stunning and 10 years younger.

The day she’s discharged from the hospital, she leaves the hospital with a real spring in her step. Feeling very good about her makeover, Jill steps into the street and is immediately knocked down by an ambulance and killed.

As she steps through the Pearly Gates, Jill sees God and decides to complain. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she says to God.

Well that’s true,” says God.

So what happened?” Jill asks.

To which God shrugs and says, “I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you.

8. Kids are smarter than you think:

A young boy walks into a barber’s shop and the barber whispers to the customer to whom he’s currently attending, “This kid has got to be the dumbest kid in the world. Watch and I’ll prove it to you.

The barber then puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then he says to the boy, ‘Hey kid, which do you want the dollar bill or the quarters?’

The boy decides to take the quarters and then he leaves the shop.

What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That dumb kid never learns!

Later, when the customer is leaving the barber’s shop he sees the same kid coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, kid! May I ask you a question?” asks the customer. “Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licks his ice cream for a moment before saying, “Because the day I take the dollar bill the game is over!

9. Classmates:

While waiting for her first appointment with her new dentist, Jane notices his degree certificate on the wall, which includes his full name.

Suddenly, Jane remembers a tall, handsome boy from her High School class some 45 years ago who had exactly the same name. Naturally she wonders whether this can be the same guy.

However upon seeing him, she quickly dismisses any such thought. Surely this ageing, balding, grey-haired old man with a deeply lined face could not possibly be one of her old High School classmates?

After he had finished examining her teeth, Jane decides to ask him whether they he attended the local high school.

Yes,” he replied.

That’s amazing. What year did you graduate then?” Jane asks.

In 1973” he responds.

Amazing, you were in my class!” Jane exclaims.

He looks at her closely and then asks, “What subject did you teach?

10. The Monastery:

Every ten years in the Monastery, the monks were allowed to break their vow of silence to speak just two words.

With ten years gone by, Brother Michael gets his first chance to speak.

He thinks for a second and then says, “Food bad.

Another ten years go by and again Brother Michael has an opportunity to speak briefly and on this occasion he says, “Bed hard.

A further decade later, it’s the big day once more. However this time Brother Michael gives the head monk a long stare before saying, “I quit.

To which the head monk responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.

Please share with your friends on social media:

So did these hilarious jokes make you laugh out loud? Were they all you hoped they’d be dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Amy Poehler

15 Quotes by Amy PoehlerAmy Poehler is an American actress, voice artist, comedian, director, producer and writer. She is also an inspiration to women everywhere.

Amy Poehler is probably best known for her appearances on the US television series Saturday Night Live, and she has a reputation for being a woman with the determination to contribute significantly in her own right rather than being content with a decorative, background role supporting leading men.

This is a woman who is smart, talented and one who knows where she’s going. She has a determination to succeed on her own terms and that is a quality I admire.

We would all do well following her example, regardless of our gender. We leave our own mark on life with the things we actually achieve and the contribution we make.

So here are 15 quotes by Amy Poehler which reflect her philosophy and her approach to succeeding in a tough profession.

Quotes by Amy Poehler:

  1. I get a little itchy if I don’t have some control. ~Amy Poehler
  2. I’ve always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler. ~Amy Poehler
  3. I believe great people do things before they are ready. ~Amy Poehler
  4. The earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have, and not obsess about what you don’t have, the happier you will be. ~Amy Poehler
  5. I cannot stress enough that the answer to life’s questions is often in people’s faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep. ~Amy Poehler
  6. Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don’t know about. Limit your ‘always’ and your ‘nevers.’ ~Amy Poehler
  7. I’d say any good set or any comedy that I’ve worked on, that’s worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, ‘What if you say this? What about this?’ ~Amy Poehler
  8. Any actor or actress that tells you that they don’t watch their stuff is lying. ~Amy Poehler
  9. I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they “want to do” and start asking them what they don’t want to do. ~Amy Poehler
  10. You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing. ~Amy Poehler
  11. 15 Quotes by Amy PoehlerDecide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier. ~Amy Poehler
  12. It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate. ~Amy Poehler
  13. Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself. ~Amy Poehler
  14. How a person treats their waitress is a great indication of their character. ~Amy Poehler
  15. I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things. ~Amy Poehler

Polite request:

If you enjoyed these quotes by Amy Poehler then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So share them now. And if you can do that for me I would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Tina Fey

Quotes by Tina FeyTina Fey is one of the funniest women in show business and she’s also a very smart lady too.

Not only is she a comedian but she is also an actress, writer and producer.

She’s best known for her work on the NBC sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live and for creating the acclaimed situation comedy 30 Rock.

So here are 15 quotes by Tina Fey to inspire you.

Quotes by Tina Fey:

  1. Say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards. ~Tina Fey
  2. Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion. ~Tina Fey
  3. It will never be perfect but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV. ~Tina Fey
  4. Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself. ~Tina Fey
  5. Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions. Do your thing and don’t care if they like it. ~Tina Fey
  6. Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles. ~Tina Fey
  7. Stop calling each other sluts and whores; that makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores. ~Tina Fey
  8. Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity. ~Tina Fey
  9. For my first show at SNL, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs. This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it. ~Tina Fey
  10. If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do. ~Tina Fey
  11. Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like Saturday Night Live forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model. ~Tina Fey
  12. Quotes by Tina FeyIf you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities. ~Tina Fey
  13. After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you. ~Tina Fey
  14. It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist. ~Tina Fey
  15. This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone. ~Tina Fey

Polite request:

If you enjoyed these quotes by Tina Fey then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So share them now. And if you can do that for me then I would be ever so grateful. Thank you.

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

5 priceless jokes that will have you roaring with laughter

1. Populating the Earth:

One day God said to Adam, “It’s nearly time for you and Eve to begin populating Earth. So I want you to kiss her.

I don’t understand”, said Adam. “What does kiss mean?

God understood that it was all new to Adam so patiently he explained to Adam what was required of him.

Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods. A little while later they emerged and Adam said, “That was most enjoyable.

I thought you might say that,” said God, “so now I want you to caress her.

But what does caress mean?” Adam asked.

So God provided Adam with a brief explanation again.

Again Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods once more.

Soon they returned and Adam smiled and said, “That was even better.

Good”, said God. “You’ve done well. So now I want you to make love to Eve.

Again Adam was a little perplexed. “What does make love mean?” said Adam.

So God gave Adam another explanation and Adam then took Eve by the hand back into the woods.

This time Adam emerged from the woods alone within seconds looking puzzled.

He looked at God and said, “Lord, what’s a headache?

2. The customer’s compulsion:

A man walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a glass of white wine.

He took a sip of the wine and then he hurled the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

Oh, I’m really sorry”, he said. “I keep doing that to bartenders. It’s a compulsion and I find it extremely embarrassing.

The bartender was an amiable fellow and he was sympathetic to the man’s problem, despite the provocation.

As he wiped his face, he suggested the man see an analyst about his problem.

Hey, another customer of mine is a psychiatrist with an excellent reputation. My brother and my wife both use him and they say he’s the best there is,” said the bartender.

About three months later the man returned to the bar again.

The bartender remembered him immediately. As he poured the man a glass of white wine he said, “Good to see you buddy. Did you do what I suggested?

Yes I certainly did”, said the man. “I’ve been seeing the psychiatrist you recommended for two sessions every week.

He then took a sip of his wine and again threw the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

As he wiped his face with a towel the flustered bartender spluttered, “That doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.

On the contrary,” said the man. “He’s done me the world of good.

But you’ve just thrown wine in my face again,” responded the bartender.

Yes, but I’m not embarrassed by it anymore,” said the man.

3. The sooty tern:

 One day a young sooty tern was flying over the sea with its parents when the mummy bird ran into a cliff and dropped to the ground.

Oblivious to his mate’s fate, the daddy tern flew on, but the young bird swooped to the foot of the cliff in a bid to save her.

Alas the mummy tern was already dead and the tearful young bird was taken under the wing of a family of seagulls.

A week later, the head of the seagull family announced, “You’re a well behaved bird but I’m afraid we can’t keep you. However we’re going to find a tern that can adopt you and act as a replacement mother.

So the seagull put an ad in the local paper which read, “One good tern deserves a mother.

4. Difficult customer:

A man walked into a smart Downtown bar and sat on a stool at the counter.

What can I get you to drink sir?” said the bartender. “A beer maybe? We’ve got an excellent special brew on offer this evening.

I’m sorry,” replied the man haughtily. “I don’t drink alcohol. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t touched a drop since.

The bartender tried to engage the man in friendly conversation by offering him a cigar.

You can’t smoke it in here,” said the bartender, “but perhaps you can enjoy it later.

No thank you,” said the man with a sneer. “I don’t smoke. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t smoked since.

Again the bartender attempted a little banter but the man was having none of it.

Listen,” he said. “I appreciate you’re merely trying to be sociable but the fact is I wouldn’t even be in this place at all but for the fact that I’m meeting my son here.

That would be your only child, I presume?” the bartender remarked philosophically.

5. Lady in the Casino:

The Las Vegas casino was virtually deserted and two male dealers at the craps table were idling away their time in the hope that business might soon improve.

Suddenly a stunningly attractive, buxom woman appeared and said she wanted to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

Certainly mam,” said one of the dealers, happy to relieve the boredom.

There’s just one thing though,” said the woman.

What’s that?” said the dealer.

Well I hope you don’t mind,” said the woman, “but playing topless always brings me luck. There’s hardly anyone about, so I’ll take off my blouse and bra before I roll the dice.

She then quickly removed those garments exposing her ample assets and threw the dice, before yelling “I’ve won! I can’t believe it! I’ve won!

She then scooped up all the money, picked up her clothes and disappeared in an instant.

The two dealers were stunned. “What did she roll?” asked one.

I don’t know” said the other. “I thought you’d be watching the dice!

Please share with your friends on social media:

So did these prove to be the priceless jokes you’d hoped for read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True they won’t interview them all but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them, if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon then naturally you’ll want a few pointers in how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget though, the impression you leave can be a good one but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile and I hope it brightens your day too.

How to make an impression:

Polite request:

If you enjoyed this article and funny video dear reader then please share with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Hilarious joke guaranteed to raise a laugh

Standing up to the Angels:

A man dies and suddenly finds himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter.

With a cloud-connected iPad in his hand St Peter is checking the details of each individual standing in line to decide whether they’ve done enough to pass through the gates into Heaven.

When the man gets to the front of the queue, St Peter looks at him and says, “Name please?

I’m Jim Thompson”, says the man.

Hello Jim”, says St Peter, “Can you tell me what you did for a living please?

Jim hesitated momentarily before saying, “Unfortunately I was out of work and living on welfare.

Hmmmmm”, says St Peter rubbing his chin. “Have you done anything recently that has benefited your fellow human beings?

Jim thought for a minute and then he said, “Well, when I saw a group of Hells Angels abusing a pretty girl in the street, I walked right up to the ringleader and getting right into his personal space, nose to nose, looking him dead in the eye, I said to him, ‘You show that girl some respect boy or you and me we’ll have to sort it out man to man’.

St Peter tapped something into his iPad and considered the response momentarily. Then he said to Jim, “I’m afraid there’s nothing in your records to confirm what you’ve said. When did it happen?

About five minutes ago”, said Jim.

Polite request:

If you enjoyed this hilarious joke dear reader then please share it on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you

If you want to amaze people with the variety and depth of your knowledge then it’s always useful to have a few weird and funny facts at your disposal.

So here are 25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you. I found them all fascinating and I hope you do too dear reader.

See how many of these facts you can work into your conversations today.

Funny Facts:

  1. China has censored their word for censorship.
  2. Cows moo with regional accents.
  3. The female lion does 90% of the hunting.
  4. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
  5. Over 75% of people who read Fact No 4 will then try to lick their elbow.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Dolly Parton once lost out to a drag queen in a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.
  8. The blob of toothpaste you put on your toothbrush is called a nurdle.
  9. Putting Viagra in a vase will make flowers stand up straight for a week beyond when they would normally wilt.
  10. One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
  11. A man once wore 60 shirts and nine pairs of jeans on a flight from China to Africa to avoid paying for excess baggage at check-in. 
  12. There’s a village in Norway called Hell and it freezes over every winter.
  13. It would take 76 work days to read every online privacy policy we agree to in an average year.
  14. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
  15. In an average lifetime, while sleeping, people will eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
  16. 27% of all food produced in Western nations ends up in garbage cans.
  17. If you went out into space, you’d explode before you’d suffocate because there’s no air pressure.
  18. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
  19. A chip of silicon a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1945 ENIAC computer, which occupied an entire city block.
  20. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
  21. You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, whilst females have 36.
  22. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, then you’d have $1.19. You’d also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
  23. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
  24. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
  25. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.

Polite request:

So dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did the facts amaze you?

If you were impressed with this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do love funny facts, as well as the weird and wonderful, so please share this post now.

And let me say that if you could share this post then I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

Other articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 funny quotes to gladden your heart

I’ve said is before and I’ll say it again. I love quotes.

I’m always on the lookout for great quotes. Many have influenced my own personal philosophy. Others have been really useful as a means for reinforcing messages in presentations. And then there are those that just make me smile. I refer to those funny quotes that resonate with me, whilst offering a germ truth within the underlying wit.

So here are 15 funny quotes to gladden your heart and make you smile.

Enjoy them all. Certainly I did.

Funny Quotes:

  1. In my defence I was left unsupervised.
  2. I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  3. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  4. Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
  5. If I won an award for laziness, I’d send someone else to pick it up.
  6. I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
  7. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
  8. The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.
  9. I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
  10. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
  11. Life has no hands but it can still give you a slap in the face sometimes.
  12. Silence is golden, unless you have kids. Then it’s just suspicious.
  13. Having great power is wonderful, until you get the electricity bill.
  14. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you’d like punch in the face.
  15. Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. ~Author Unknown

Polite request:

So dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Were you amused?

If you were impressed and/or amused then please share this post with your friends on social media.

People love funny quotes, so share this post now.

And let me say that if you could share this post then I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

Other articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Lily Tomlin

One of the greatest American comic personalities has to be Lily Tomlin in my opinion.

Born Mary Jean Tomlin in 1939, I think she’s up there with the very best female comedians like Joan Rivers and Phyllis Diller and could give any of America’s funny men a serious run for their money too.

She is in fact an actress, comedian, writer, singer and producer and has had a successful career stretching back to the 1960s.

Here are 15 quotes by Lily Tomlin to underline my point.

Quotes by Lily Tomlin:

  1. We are all in this together, by ourselves. ~Lily Tomlin
  2. The road to success is always under construction. ~Lily Tomlin
  3. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin
  4. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. ~Lily Tomlin
  5. I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. ~Lily Tomlin
  6. Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. ~Lily Tomlin
  7. Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest then we can all die laughing. ~Lily Tomlin
  8. Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. ~Lily Tomlin
  9. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ~Lily Tomlin
  10. The best mind-altering drug is the truth. ~Lily Tomlin
  11. We’re all in this alone. ~Lily Tomlin
  12. I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war. ~Lily Tomlin
  13. Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. ~Lily Tomlin
  14. When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime, and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. ~Lily Tomlin
  15. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? ~Lily Tomlin

Polite request:

Did you find these quotes by Lily Tomlin as interesting and inspirational as you’d hoped dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful. Thank you.

Similar articles you may also enjoy:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons