21 Sarcasm Quotes by Authors Unknown

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but I’m not so sure. Personally I admire a clever put down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place. So here are 21 sarcasm quotes by authors known which made me smile and might just provide you with ammunition next time you need it.

These are some the best sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:- 

  1. Me? Sarcastic? Never!
  2. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
  3. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
  4. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  5. Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go
  6. Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
  7. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and you head up your ass at the same time?
  8. You never learn anything by doing it right.
  9. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
  10. I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.
  11. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
  12. From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
  13. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  14. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
  15. Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.
  16. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
  17. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.
  18. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
  19. I disagree but I respect your right to be stupid.
  20. I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?
  21. Patience: What you have when there are far too many witnesses.

Please share these sarcasm quotes with your friends on social media. Give them some ammunition too. When you share, everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2017. All Rights Reserved.

21 Humorous Quotes by Authors Unknown

By popular demand here are another 21 humorous quotes from authors unknown intended to make you smile dear reader. Especially relevant to those readers desperately in need of something amusing to brighten their day. As a result of this post your day should improve just a little, hopefully.

This is the latest in a collection of humorous quotes put together in response to requests from readers for more laughter and less gloom. They’re probably as funny as any quotes you’ll read today or any day. Maybe you disagree? If so your comments would be welcome.

Of course some readers will question the spelling of ‘humorous’. Some will say surely it should be ‘humourous’? Well that depends on where you live, doesn’t it? What matters is having a laugh, surely? Consequently the spelling doesn’t matter. The choice reflects the spelling preferred by the majority of readers.

So laugh long and laugh loud. Most of all enjoy the moment and then on-pass the smiles to your friends. :-

  1. Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary. ~Author Unknown
  2. I think something’s missing in my life. Like two or three million dollars. ~Author Unknown
  3. You know you’re a mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold. ~Author Unknown
  4. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. ~Author Unknown
  5. I once had a job in an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown
  6. It was me, I let the dogs out. ~Author Unknown
  7. Today is one of those days when even my coffee needs a coffee. ~Author Unknown
  8. I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. ~Author Unknown
  9. I am one step away from being rich and all I need now is money. ~Author Unknown
  10. I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow. ~Author Unknown
  11. Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. ~Author Unknown
  12. I remember years ago when all I wanted to do is be older. I was wrong. ~Author Unknown
  13. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act. ~Author Unknown
  14. Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. ~Author Unknown
  15. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! ~Author Unknown
  16. Parenthood is the scariest hood to go through. ~Author Unknown
  17. I was going to take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! ~Author Unknown
  18. Don’t mess with me; I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words. ~Author Unknown
  19. An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough. ~Author Unknown
  20. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. There’s no stopping me now. ~Author Unknown
  21. That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they’ve repeated it about five times. ~Author Unknown

Please share these humorous quotes with your friends on social media. Make them smile too. When you share, everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2017. All Rights Reserved.

15 Witty Quotes

Posts which include something to make readers smile always get a good response. So here are 15 witty quotes which are razor sharp and at least a few of them should brighten your day.

This is the latest in a collection of witty quotes put together in response to requests from readers for a little levity to break up the otherwise gloomy news which seems to be part of our lives today.

So go on have a laugh right now and enjoy them all.

  1. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West
  2. When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. ~Groucho Marx
  3. Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain
  4. Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  5. I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ~Oscar Wilde
  6. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ~W.C. Fields
  7. My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ~Winston S. Churchill
  8. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns
  9. Two wrongs don’t make a right but they do make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz
  10. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. ~A.A. Milne
  11. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? ~Laurence J. Peter
  12. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields
  13. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ~Paul Terry
  14. When you’re courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. ~Albert Einstein
  15. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~George Carlin

Please share these witty quotes with your friends on social media. Give them a laugh too. When you share, everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2017. All Rights Reserved.

21 Very Corny Jokes

Life can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day. To help you with that I’ve been collecting some very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown’. However if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

If you enjoyed these very corny jokes dear reader then please share this blog post on social media with your friends. Share the fun and everyone wins. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2017. All Rights Reserved.

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