15 amusing quotes by Spike Milligan


Spike Milligan was a funny, irreverent and much loved comedian and staple of British television and radio for many years in the post-war era and right up to his death in 2002.

Born Terence Alan Milligan in India, he was the son of a British Army Captain of Irish descent and an English mother.

In addition to being a wonderful comic performer, probably best known for his work with the Goon Show, he was also a successful writer, poet, playwright and actor.

Though he spent much of his early life in India, the majority of his adult life was spent in the United Kingdom.

However when the Commonwealth Immigrants Act removed Indian-born Milligan’s automatic right to British citizenship in 1962, despite his own service in the British Army as well as his father’s, he became an Irish citizen, exercising a right conferred through his Irish-born father.

I think he was a genuinely funny man and to prove it, here are 15 of his razor-sharp quips. Enjoy them all.

Quotes by Spike Milligan:

  1. All men are cremated equal. ~Spike Milligan
  2. All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. ~Spike Milligan
  3. I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. ~Spike Milligan
  4. Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? ~Spike Milligan
  5. Money couldn’t buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. ~Spike Milligan
  6. I’m a hero with coward’s legs. ~Spike Milligan
  7. How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. ~Spike Milligan
  8. I turned and rubbed my hands with glee. I always keep a tin of glee handy. ~Spike Milligan
  9. I can speak Esperanto like a native. ~Spike Milligan
  10. I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Spike Milligan
  11. Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~Spike Milligan
  12. Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death. ~Spike Milligan
  13. A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherd’s Bush. ~Spike Milligan
  14. A family man from Siberia; As a father was very inferior; But one operation; Revised the situation; And now he’s Mother Superior. ~Spike Milligan
  15. And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. ~Spike Milligan

Polite request:

Did you find these quotes by Spike Milligan amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.


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