15 Quotes by Phyllis Diller


The late Phyllis Ada Driver or Phyllis Diller as she was better known was another one of America’s greatest comic talents.

She was an actress and stand-up comedienne with an eccentric stage persona.

Self-deprecating humor was her stock in trade, together with wild hair, zany clothes and an exaggerated, cackling laugh.

Phyllis Diller was a very funny lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller:

Here are 15 quotes by Phyllis Diller which should make you smile.

  1. You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! ~Phyllis Diller
  2. The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. ~Phyllis Diller
  3. You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type. ~Phyllis Diller
  4. I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’ ~Phyllis Diller
  5. Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in. ~Phyllis Diller
  6. The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. ~Phyllis Diller
  7. Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea. ~Phyllis Diller
  8. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. ~Phyllis Diller
  9. I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. ~Phyllis Diller
  10. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ~Phyllis Diller
  11. This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him. ~Phyllis Diller
  12. Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice. ~Phyllis Diller
  13. Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss. ~Phyllis Diller
  14. This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball. ~Phyllis Diller
  15. To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do. ~Phyllis Diller

Please share with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Phyllis Diller amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.


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