15 Quotes by David Brent


Occasionally television provides us with a situation comedy that is truly memorable. One such comedy, originally from 2001, was The Office. Who can forget the cringe-worthy character David Brent? When it first hit our screens The Office was both original and very funny. Here are 15 quotes by David Brent to remind you of just what a clever comic creation he was at the time. These quotes made me smile and I hope they make you smile too dear reader.

  1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue. ~David Brent
  2. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s? ~David Brent
  3. Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them. ~David Brent
  4. You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back. ~David Brent
  5. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some b*stard with a torch bringing me more work. ~David Brent
  6. If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried. ~David Brent
  7. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. ~David Brent
  8. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation. ~David Brent
  9. If you’re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes, make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast. ~David Brent
  10. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk. ~David Brent
  11. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow. ~David Brent
  12. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability. ~David Brent
  13. Statistics are like a lamp post to a drunken man, more for leaning on than illumination. ~David Brent
  14. There may be no ‘I’ in team but there’s a ‘ME’ if you look hard enough. ~David Brent
  15. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he’s got something to eat and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts. ~David Brent

Did these quotes by David Brent make you smile? They did? I hope so. If that’s the case then please share then with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 thought-provoking quotes about education

You don’t need to go to college or university but you do need an education. It doesn’t have to be a formal education, being self-taught can have its advantages, particularly if you feel you learn better that way. Certainly classroom learning doesn’t suit everyone. However learning is a lifelong process. You must never stop learning new things because life never stops changing. Think about it; there are things we take for granted today that didn’t exist 10 or 15 years ago. For instance social media, and its enormous impact on our lives, wasn’t even on the horizon as we entered the new Millennium, less than 20 years ago. Progress never stops and neither must your education. Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about education to help you think a little more about today’s point.

And ladies, if it’s not obvious, any quote here with a reference to men applies equally to women. You knew that, I know. However the problem with many older quotes is that they do often refer to the male of the species. Obviously now we live in more enlightened times, thanks mostly to education. Education is essential for everyone.

  1. I am not a teacher, but an awakener. ~Robert Frost
  2. I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better. ~Maya Angelou
  3. You can never be overdressed or overeducated. ~Oscar Wilde
  4. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. ~Mark Twain
  5. The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living differ from the dead. ~Aristotle
  6. Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. ~Henry Ford
  7. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think. ~Margaret Mead
  8. The mind once enlightened cannot again become dark. ~Thomas Paine
  9. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. ~Jim Rohn
  10. To educate a person in the mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  11. Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon. ~EM Forster
  12. Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each. ~Plato
  13. Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. ~GK Chesterton
  14. Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones. ~Charlotte Brontë
  15. Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. ~Socrates
  16. Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is. ~Isaac Asimov
  17. All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education. ~Walter Scott
  18. Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. ~Albert Einstein
  19. Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. ~Leonardo da Vinci
  20. The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. ~Thomas Jefferson
  21. Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: ‘You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself; educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society. ~Doris Lessing

If these thought-provoking quotes about education were interesting to you then perhaps they might interest others you know too. Please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

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15 Quotes by Jim Rohn

The late Jim Rohn was one of the best motivational speakers of all time in my opinion. Sadly, by the time I came across him he’d already passed away but I wished I’d discovered him years ago. I’ve read all his books, I’ve listened to all his audio recordings and I’ve also watched all the videos on YouTube which feature him and his work. And not just once, I go through his stuff regularly and I think he’s brilliant. If he’s new to you then check him out, you won’t be disappointed. He’s truly inspirational. To prove my point, here are 15 quotes by Jim Rohn to inspire you. These are some of Jim Rohn’s best loved quotes. I hope one or two of them will inspire you.

  1. Either you run the day or the day runs you. ~Jim Rohn
  2. Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. ~Jim Rohn
  3. Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. Jim Rohn
  4. The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch. ~Jim Rohn
  5. You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. ~Jim Rohn
  6. Profits are better than wages. Wages make you a living; profits can make you a fortune. ~Jim Rohn
  7. Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money but you can’t get more time. ~Jim Rohn
  8. Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each one wisely. ~Jim Rohn
  9. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. ~Jim Rohn
  10. We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. ~Jim Rohn
  11. Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn
  12. If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you’ll have to settle for the ordinary. ~Jim Rohn
  13. Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day. ~Jim Rohn
  14. Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want. ~Jim Rohn
  15. Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals. ~Jim Rohn

Did you find these quotes by Jim Rohn inspirational? You did? I hope so. If that’s the case then please share then with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

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21 Funny Quotes

I love quotes and I love those funny quotes that make you smile and make you think. Here are 21 funny quotes to highlight my point. Enjoy them all.

  1. Smile today because tomorrow could be worse. ~Anonymous
  2. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ~Anonymous
  3. I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Anonymous
  4. You’re born free then you’re taxed to death. ~Anonymous
  5. He who wakes up early yawns all day long. ~Anonymous
  6. I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. ~Anonymous
  7. Those who snore always fall asleep first. ~Anonymous
  8. Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence as its limits. ~Anonymous
  9. I just wanted you to know somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. ~Anonymous
  10. “Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.” ~Anonymous
  11. The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with. ~Anonymous
  12. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right. ~Anonymous
  13. To make a mistake is human but to blame it on someone else, now that’s even more human. ~Anonymous
  14. It may look like I’m doing nothing but in my head I’m quite busy. ~Anonymous
  15. When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window. ~Anonymous
  16. Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done. ~Anonymous
  17. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. ~Anonymous
  18. I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live. ~Anonymous
  19. Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck. ~Anonymous
  20. I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry! ~Anonymous
  21. My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. ~Anonymous

Having read these funny quotes you’ll probably feel that you can still use a good laugh. If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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15 Quotes by Whoopi Goldberg

Born Caryn Elaine Johnson, Whoopi Goldberg is a leading American actor, comedian, author, and television host. She’s been one of America’s leading stars for over 30 years and has been nominated for 13 Emmy Awards for her work in television. She’s also one of the few entertainers to have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony Award. Whoopi Goldberg was the second black woman in the history of the Academy Awards to win an acting Oscar. By any measure she’s been successful and it’s always worth listening to successful people. So here are 15 quotes by Whoopi Goldberg which I think are interesting.

  1. Sometimes experience trumps assumption. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  2. I am where I am because I believe in all possibilities. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  3. It never occurs to me that there are things I can’t do. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  4. If you don’t look out for others, who will look out for you? ~Whoopi Goldberg
  5. Everything for me is visual. That’s just how my head works. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  6. Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  7. You have to believe in yourself in spite of what other people believe. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  8. I don’t think in terms of failure. I don’t feel like anyone outside of me should be setting limitations. People should be encouraged to shoot for the moon. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  9. I don’t believe that there is any good career move or bad career move. I believe there are only the things that make me happy. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  10. If you can handle the fact that people are going to be mad at you when you do what you think is right, you’ll be alright. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  11. I’ve learned to take time for myself and to treat myself with a great deal of love and respect, because I like me. I think I’m kind of cool. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  12. I am the American Dream. I am the epitome of what the American Dream basically said. It said you could come from anywhere and be anything you want in this country. That’s exactly what I’ve done. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  13. Most of all, I dislike this idea nowadays that if you’re a black person in America, then you must be called African-American. Listen, I’ve visited Africa and I’ve got news for everyone: I’m not an African. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  14. I fear waking up one morning and finding out my life was all for nothing. We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark. When you’re kind to someone in trouble, you hope they remember and are kind to someone else and so on. Soon it will be like a wildfire. ~Whoopi Goldberg
  15. When I was a kid they didn’t call it dyslexia. They called it you know, you were slow, or you were retarded, or whatever. What you can never change is the effect that the words ‘dumb’ and ‘stupid’ have on young people. I knew I wasn’t stupid, and I knew I wasn’t dumb. My mother told me that. If you read to me, I could tell you everything that you read. They didn’t know what it was. They knew I wasn’t lazy, but what was it? ~Whoopi Goldberg

Did you find these quotes by Whoopi Goldberg interesting? You did? I hope so. If that is the case then please share then with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

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15 Quotes by Phyllis Diller

The late Phyllis Ada Driver or Phyllis Diller as she was better known was another one of America’s greatest comic talents. She was an actress and stand-up comedienne with an eccentric stage persona. Self-deprecating humor was her stock in trade, together with wild hair, zany clothes and an exaggerated, cackling laugh. She was a very funny lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere. Here are 15 quotes by Phyllis Diller which should make you smile.

  1. You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! ~Phyllis Diller
  2. The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. ~Phyllis Diller
  3. You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type. ~Phyllis Diller
  4. I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’ ~Phyllis Diller
  5. Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in. ~Phyllis Diller
  6. The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. ~Phyllis Diller
  7. Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea. ~Phyllis Diller
  8. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. ~Phyllis Diller
  9. I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. ~Phyllis Diller
  10. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ~Phyllis Diller
  11. This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him. ~Phyllis Diller
  12. Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice. ~Phyllis Diller
  13. Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss. ~Phyllis Diller
  14. This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball. ~Phyllis Diller
  15. To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do. ~Phyllis Diller

Did you find these quotes by Phyllis Diller amusing? You did? I hope so. If that is the case then please share then with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

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15 Quotes by Joan Rivers

The late Joan Alexandra Molinsky is better known as the legendary Joan Rivers to lovers of comedy everywhere. She was razor sharp and very funny and arguably one the finest American stand-up comedians of all time in what was probably the golden age of light entertainment. She pioneered her own brand of irreverent, unconventional comedy and her relentless work ethic allowed her comedy to evolve and her audiences continued to grow. A remarkable lady and one who always made me laugh. Here are 15 quotes by Joan Rivers, some of which will make you smile I’m sure.

  1. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ~Joan Rivers
  2. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
  3. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers
  4. Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. ~Joan Rivers
  5. There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Never floss with a stranger. ~Joan Rivers
  7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them. ~Joan Rivers
  8. I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. ~Joan Rivers
  9. We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us. ~Joan Rivers
  10. People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~Joan Rivers
  11. I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. ~Joan Rivers
  12. I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. ~Joan Rivers
  13. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube. ~Joan Rivers
  14. I never dwell on what happened. You can’t change it. Move forward. Don’t waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It’s over. Done. Move forward. ~Joan Rivers
  15. I walk on a stage, and I know if it’s been a good show or not. You know when it’s been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it’s a good show. And you know when you’ve messed up. ~Joan Rivers

Did you find these quotes by Joan Rivers interesting? You did? I hope so. If that is the case then please share then with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 thought-provoking quotes about anxiety

Anxiety is a deep sense of unease which sufferers experience in relation to something which for whatever reason really bothers them. In essence it’s a heightened sense of nervousness and excessive unease. At its core is a level of uncertainty which can cause the sufferer to experience panic attacks. These feelings may cause physical symptoms, such as a fast heart rate and shakiness. It’s an altogether unpleasant experience for the sufferer and not one I’d wish on anyone. Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about anxiety to help readers better understand how the sufferer is affected.

  1. Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows but only empties today of its strength. ~Charles Spurgeon
  2. It is very hard to explain to people who have never known serious depression or anxiety the sheer continuous intensity of it. There is no off switch. ~Matt Haig
  3. There isn’t anybody out there who doesn’t have a mental health issue, whether it’s depression, anxiety, or how to cope with relationships. Having OCD is not an embarrassment anymore – for me. Just know that there is help and your life could be better if you go out and seek the help. ~Howie Mandel
  4. People talk about physical fitness, but mental health is equally important. I see people suffering, and their families feel a sense of shame about it, which doesn’t help. One needs support and understanding. I am now working on an initiative to create awareness about anxiety and depression and help people. ~Deepika Padukone
  5. We all have anxiety about things. We all have little insecurities, but eventually you have to face your fears if you want to be successful, and everybody has some fear of failure. ~Nick Saban
  6. Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. ~Anais Nin
  7. The truth is that there is no actual stress or anxiety in the world; it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. You can’t package stress, touch it, or see it. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking. ~Wayne Dyer
  8. Everyone needs a reset button so you can start your day without anxiety. For some people, it’s running; for some, it’s going to the gym. For me, it’s meditation. ~Matt Bomer
  9. People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on. ~Eckhart Tolle
  10. Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment. ~J. Donald Walters
  11. Physical comforts cannot subdue mental suffering, and if we look closely, we can see that those who have many possessions are not necessarily happy. In fact, being wealthy often brings even more anxiety. ~Dalai Lama
  12. People who fail to use their emotional intelligence skills are more likely to turn to other, less effective means of managing their mood. They are twice as likely to experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and even thoughts of suicide. ~Travis Bradberry
  13. The act of birth is the first experience of anxiety and thus the source and prototype of the effect of anxiety. ~Sigmund Freud
  14. For as long as I can remember I have suffered from a deep feeling of anxiety which I have tried to express in my art. ~Edvard Munch
  15. I was about to meet Beyonce and I had a full-blown anxiety attack. Then she popped in looking gorgeous and said, ‘You’re amazing! When I listen to you I feel like I’m listening to God.’ ~Adele
  16. You need to let go of your fear and anxiety of being judged by others. ~Gavin Newsom
  17. I think one thing is that anybody who’s had to contend with mental illness – whether it’s depression, bipolar illness or severe anxiety, whatever – actually has a fair amount of resilience in the sense that they’ve had to deal with suffering already, personal suffering. ~Kay Redfield Jamison
  18. The other thing is that if you rely solely on medication to manage depression or anxiety, for example, you have done nothing to train the mind, so that when you come off the medication, you are just as vulnerable to a relapse as though you had never taken the medication. ~Daniel Goleman
  19. Anxiety is a really crippling condition, and I suffer with it myself, and I feel for anyone who suffers from it. The way that I deal with it is try as much as possible to stay in the moment to not think about the past and not think about what’s coming up in the future: to try and just seize the moment as much as possible. ~James Arthur
  20. Unfortunately, I think depression and anxiety are really hard to live with. And what people don’t need is to feel bad about themselves because they decide to go on medication. ~Rene Russo
  21. This is an anxiety driven world – the whole world is driven by anxiety. It is anxiety about the aftermath of the global financial crisis; it’s anxiety about inequality and about computers replacing jobs. ~Robert J. Shiller

If these thought-provoking quotes about anxiety were interesting to you then perhaps they might interest others you know too. Please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

10 Humor Quotes

Humor is a serious business or at least it should be because when we laugh we relax and that’s good for us. Think about that, it’s easy to dismiss humor as being an unnecessary distraction but it’s not. Humor is essential to our wellbeing. If you don’t believe me then read these ten humor quotes and reflect on the opinions of so many great minds.

  1. Laughter is an instant vacation. ~Milton Berle
  2. A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~Charlie Chaplin
  3. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. ~Peter Ustinov
  4. Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. ~WC Fields
  5. A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. ~Mignon McLaughlin
  6. Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
  7. It’s your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver. ~Betty White
  8. Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. ~Grenville Kleiser
  9. I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life and feel alive. ~Anne Wilson Schaef
  10. A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Having read these humor quotes you will probably feel that you can use a good laugh. If so. then click on the links below. You will find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

17 of the Best Puns

I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect. I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones. Here of 17 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them dear reader then please let me know. That way I can give you credit for your brilliance.

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure and you should too.
  3. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
  4. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  5. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  6. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bar tender?”
  7. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  8. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  9. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  10. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  11. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  12. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  13. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  14. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  15. This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  16. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  17. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I realized that toucan play at that game.

If you agree that these are amongst the best puns and if they made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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