25 funny witty quotes that will seriously tickle you


I’ve said this before but it’s true. I get the best reaction from readers with posts that are full of content to make you smile. And that’s natural of course. We all need a good laugh, don’t we?

With that in mind I’ve been trawling the Internet and my personal journals looking for funny witty quotes which I hope you’ll enjoy dear reader.

So here are today’s 25 funny witty quotes that I’m confident will tickle you.

They’re all by Authors Unknown but they’re razor sharp and funny nevertheless.

So go on have a laugh right now and enjoy them all.

Funny witty quotes:

  1. ‘Be yourself’ is the worst piece of advice you can give to some people.
  2. Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head, with a hammer.
  3. HIM: How is it your single? HER: Surely you mean you’re?
  4. Arguing with a fool serves only to prove that there are two.
  5. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  6. The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t hold this much personality.
  7. Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you’re drunk.
  8. There are only two rules in life. No 1: Never ever give out all the information.
  9. You never realise how weird you are until you have a kid who acts just like you.
  10. If you have nothing to be grateful for check your pulse.
  11. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.
  12. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes I’m thinking of making a few more.
  13. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
  14. We mature with damage, not with years.
  15. Life is short. So smile while you still have teeth.
  16. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
  17. Sarcasm is not an attitude. It’s an art.
  18. I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
  19. Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
  20. The only time a woman is helpless is when her nail polish is drying. Otherwise, watch out.
  21. The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour.
  22. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.
  23. If you don’t like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalk.
  24. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving’s not for you.
  25. 129% of people exaggerate.

Polite request:

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Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

7 great stay focused quotes

If you don’t know exactly what you want then you’ll never get it. That much is philosophically self-evident to you I am sure dear reader. However how can you know what you want?

Well if necessary keep trying stuff until you find something you really enjoy and at which you excel.

And once you’ve found something you love, stay focused on it and take it as far as you can possibly go.

That’s the way to achieve real success.

Here are 7 great stay focused quotes to help you on your way.

Stay focused quotes:

  1. Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  2. Know what you want and focus on how you’ll get it. And never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton
  3. Courage is like a muscle; it is strengthened by use. ~Ruth Gordon
  4. Do not be afraid to ask dumb questions; they are easier to handle than dumb mistakes. ~Author Unknown
  5. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein
  6. Aim higher; stay focused. ~Brandon Adams
  7. I always want to stay focused on who I am, even as I’m discovering who I am. ~Alicia Keys

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15 amusing quotes by Mae West

Mae West was one of the most controversial movie stars of her day, making comedy out of the prudish, conventional mores of that time. Nevertheless Depression-era audiences loved her for it.

Born Mary Jane West in Brooklyn, New York in 1893 she was an actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter, comedian and sex symbol whose entertainment career spanned seven decades.

Some might dismiss her for her light-hearted bawdy double entendres and breezy sexual independence but she knew what she was doing and she was clearly very smart.

She was a woman who lived life on her own terms.

Asked about the various efforts to impede her career, Mae West replied, “I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.”

Here are 15 quotes by Mae West, many of which I’m sure will make you smile.

Quotes by Mae West:

  1. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. ~Mae West
  2. I used to be Snow White but I drifted. ~Mae West
  3. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. ~Mae West
  4. To err is human but it feels divine. ~Mae West
  5. I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West
  6. It is better to be looked over than overlooked. ~Mae West
  7. You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  8. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. ~Mae West
  9. I never loved another person the way I loved myself. ~Mae West
  10. He who hesitates is a damned fool. ~Mae West
  11. Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office. ~Mae West
  12. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West
  13. When I’m good, I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better. ~Mae West
  14. I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. ~Mae West
  15. Marriage is a great institution but I’m not ready for an institution. ~Mae West

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21 thought-provoking quotes about not giving up

Life’s not easy and the world can be a tough place.

You’ll find that nothing worth having ever comes easy.

For anything worth having there’s always a price to be paid and that price must always be paid first.

You’ll get nothing unless you’ve earned the right to it.

The price you pay is not necessarily in money. Much more likely the price you pay will be in blood, sweat and tears.

Success can be yours but you have to keep going and you must persevere until you get to where you want to be.

Don’t allow other peoples’ negativity to shake your belief in what’s possible.

If you believe it’s possible then keep going until you get to where you want to be.

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about not giving up that will encourage you to keep going.

Quotes about not giving up:

  1. Never, never, never give up. ~Winston Churchill
  2. Your victory is right around the corner. Never give up. ~Nicki Minaj
  3. Never give up. You only get one life. Go for it! ~Richard E Grant
  4. Survival can be summed up in three words, never give up. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying. ~Bear Grylls
  5. Never give up; for even rivers someday wash dams away. ~Arthur Golden
  6. My parents taught me to never give up and to always believe that my future could be whatever I dreamt it to be. ~Susana Martinez
  7. There is no substitute for hard work. Never give up. Never stop believing. Never stop fighting. ~Hope Hicks
  8. I never give up when I encounter obstacles in my way. I just continue going until I reach my career objectives. ~Henrikh Mkhitaryan
  9. I never made it to the school choir because the music teacher didn’t like my voice. I was pretty sad. But he was probably right; I did have a voice a bit like a goat, but my dad told me to never give up and to keep going, and it’s paid off. ~Shakira
  10. My greatest point is my persistence. I never give up in a match. However down I am, I fight until the last ball. My list of matches shows that I have turned a great many so-called irretrievable defeats into victories. ~Bjorn Borg
  11. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Work hard, and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not clichés but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path. ~Phillip Sweet
  12. Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts. ~H Jackson Brown, Jr
  13. I will keep smiling, be positive and never give up! I will give 100 percent each time I play. These are always my goals and my attitude. ~Yani Tseng
  14. When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. ~Harriet Beecher Stowe
  15. Don’t quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can’t see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It’s the one that makes the sweetest sound. ~Simon Sinek
  16. The one thing you’ve gotta do is that you need to always do the best you can do, no matter what the given situation, no matter what comes up against you. You do the best you can do, and you never give up. Never quit. ~James Corden
  17. A lot of people have their big dreams and get knocked down and don’t have things go their way. And you never give up hope, and you really just hold on to it. Hard work and perserverance. You just keep getting up and getting up, and then you get that breakthrough. ~Robert Kraft
  18. If you really believe in what you’re doing, work hard, take nothing personally and if something blocks one route, find another. Never give up. ~Laurie Notaro
  19. Never quit believing that you can develop in life. Never give up. Don’t deny the inward spirit that provides the drive to accomplish great things in life. ~Jon Huntsman, Sr
  20. There are no right and wrong ways to work in this business but there are some basic common-sense practices. Work very, very hard and always be prepared; never give up; and once you get the job, give them more than they ever expected. Shine! ~Jimmy Smits
  21. Write every day; never give up; it’s supposed to be difficult; try to find some pleasure and reward in the act of writing, because you can’t look for praise from editors, readers, or critics. In other words, tips that are much easier to give than to take. ~JR Moehringer

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17 quotes to inspire you to be all you can be

  1. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs
  2. Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. ~Samuel Johnson
  3. Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  4. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
  5. Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. ~Mark Twain
  6. You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus
  7. Use what talents you possess. The woods will be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry Van Dyke
  8. You are what you think about all day long. ~Dr. Robert Schuller
  9. The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy. ~Malcolm Forbes
  10. Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. ~Howard Thurman
  11. Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. ~Mother Teresa
  12. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton
  13. That’s precisely the question everyone should be asking—why the hell not? Why not you, why not now? ~Timothy Ferriss
  14. The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour. ~Vince Lombardi
  15. It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~E.E. Cummings
  16. Do not let what you cannot do; interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden
  17. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford

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21 thought-provoking quotes about letting go

Emotional attachments to people, to employers, to property and even to places and things affect us all occasionally.

And breaking an emotional attachment can be hard for anyone.

However if you don’t let go, you can’t move on. You have to accept that not everyone and everything will stay with you permanently on your journey from the cradle to the grave.

Your life is simply a series of chapters and not everyone or everything is guaranteed a place in every chapter.

That privilege is reserved for you only.

So sometimes it will be necessary for you to let go, hard as that may be.

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about letting go to underline today’s message.

Quotes about letting go:

  1. You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run. ~Don Schlitz
  2. You can’t move forward if you’re still hanging on. ~Sue Fitzmaurice
  3. There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. ~Jessica Hatchigan
  4. Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history but not a part of your destiny. ~Steve Maraboli
  5. Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There’s nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It’s not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love? ~Leo Buscaglia
  6. Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ~Deborah Reber
  7. It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place. ~Angelina Jolie
  8. There’s a trick to the graceful exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over and then to let go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its value. ~Ellen Goodman
  9. Change can be good but it’s always tough to let go of the past. ~Emily Giffi
  10. I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I’m done, I’m done. ~Turcois Ominek
  11. You can meet someone who’s just right but he might not be meant for you. You break up; you lose things; you never feel the same again. But maybe you should stop questioning why. Maybe you should just accept it and move on. ~Winna Efendi
  12. Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay. ~Lee Goff
  13. No matter how bad you want a person, if your hearts are in two different places, you’ll have to pass and move on. ~Alexandra Elle
  14. Letting go of someone we love is the hardest thing we will ever do. Some people never surrender to love for the fear of being hurt. But to not have loved, to not have felt the immense joy it brings, would have been a far worse kind of death. ~Goldie Hawn
  15. It is by giving the freedom to the other that is by letting go, we gain our own freedom back. ~Aleksandra Ninkovic
  16. Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth. ~Author Unknown
  17. If someone doesn’t care to accept you, respect you, believe in you, don’t hesitate to move on and let them go. There are many who love and appreciate you just the way you are. ~Amaka Imani Nkosazana
  18. You really don’t have to burn any bridges to let go. You don’t have to destroy anything. You can just decide to cross over and move on. ~Marta Mrotek
  19. Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day, it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self. ~Tere Arigo
  20. The bottom line is this; when one person stops being a part of your life, another one will come, and fill that empty space. Leave the ones who left in the past, right where they belong, and never look back. ~Ena Snow
  21. Just because someone has been in your life for many years, doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a point at which you finally decide to let go. ~Wilfred James Dolor

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21 thought-provoking quotes about anything and everything

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. ~Author Unknown

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in and it will come naturally. ~David Frost

To succeed be different, be daring and be there first. ~ Author Unknown

Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you’ll never cease to grow. ~Anthony J D’Angelo

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Mark Twain

You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. ~Mike Murdock

Figure out what you really love doing and use your strengths on a daily basis. ~Tom Rath

Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds. ~Gordon B Hinckley

Pursue one great decisive aim with force and determination. ~Carl von Clausewitz

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand. ~Woodrow Wilson

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’. ~Erma Bombeck

We all have to sell something to survive. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

If you don’t like the job and are only doing it for the money, you’re on a losing wicket. ~Carolyn McCall

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. ~Henry Ford

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. ~Albert Einstein

Today is life, the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto. ~Dale Carnegie

I really believe that everyone has a talent, ability or skill that he can mine to support himself and to succeed in life. ~Dean Koontz

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~Thomas A Edison

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen. ~John F Kennedy

Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going. ~Sam Levenson

In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. ~Nikos Kazantzakis

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25 amusing quotes about getting old

Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. ~Joan Rivers

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard

No man is ever old enough to know better. ~Holbrook Jackson

Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ~George Burns

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

You are only young once but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~George Burns

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ~Claude Pepper

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ~Bob Hope

He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. ~George Burns

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~Kurt Vonnegut

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. ~Sir Norman Wisdom

I don’t do alcohol anymore. I can get the same effect just standing up fast. ~Author Unknown

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau

Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. ~Joan Rivers 

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Author Unknown

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21 thought-provoking quotes about education

You don’t need to go to college or university but you do need an education.

It doesn’t have to be a formal education, being self-taught can have its advantages, particularly if you feel you learn better that way. Certainly classroom learning doesn’t suit everyone.

However learning is a lifelong process. You must never stop learning new things because life never stops changing.

Think about it; there are things we take for granted today that didn’t exist 10 or 15 years ago. For instance social media, and its enormous impact on our lives, wasn’t even on the horizon as we entered the new Millennium, less than 20 years ago.

Progress never stops and neither must your education.

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about education to help you think a little more about today’s point.

And ladies, if it’s not obvious, any quote here with a reference to men applies equally to women. You knew that, I know. However the problem with many older quotes is that they do often refer to the male of the species.

Obviously now we live in more enlightened times, thanks mostly to education. Education is essential for everyone.

Quotes about education:

  1. I am not a teacher, but an awakener. ~Robert Frost
  2. I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better. ~Maya Angelou
  3. You can never be overdressed or overeducated. ~Oscar Wilde
  4. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. ~Mark Twain
  5. The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living differ from the dead. ~Aristotle
  6. Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. ~Henry Ford
  7. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think. ~Margaret Mead
  8. The mind once enlightened cannot again become dark. ~Thomas Paine
  9. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. ~Jim Rohn
  10. To educate a person in the mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  11. Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon. ~EM Forster
  12. Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each. ~Plato
  13. Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. ~GK Chesterton
  14. Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones. ~Charlotte Bronte
  15. Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. ~Socrates
  16. Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is. ~Isaac Asimov
  17. All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education. ~Walter Scott
  18. Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it. ~Albert Einstein
  19. Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. ~Leonardo da Vinci
  20. The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. ~Thomas Jefferson
  21. Ideally, what should be said to every child, repeatedly, throughout his or her school life is something like this: ‘You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself; educating your own judgements. Those that stay must remember, always, and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this particular society. ~Doris Lessing

Polite request:

If these thought-provoking quotes about education were interesting to you then perhaps they might interest others you know too?

Please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

If you could share them now I would be ever so grateful.

Like every blogger, I can only keep doing what I do if there are readers viewing my blog posts. So you really can help me dear reader. Thank you.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

21 quotes to inspire you to greatness

To achieve greatness we all need a little inpiration we can refer to frequently. So here are 21 quotes to inspire you to greatness. Feel free to bookmark this page and refer to them frequently:

Quotes to inspire you to greatness:

  1. If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission. ~Author Unknown
  2. If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary. ~Jim Rohn
  3. Everyone is good at something and once you find it, what you can achieve is limitless. ~Andrew Flintoff
  4. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney
  5. Opportunities don’t happen, you create them. ~Chris Grosser
  6. Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value. ~Albert Einstein
  7. The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it. ~Henry Ford
  8. If you’re going through hell keep going. ~Winston Churchill
  9. The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. ~Author Unknown
  10. Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument. ~Author Unknown
  11. What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. ~Author Unknown
  12. When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you. ~Lolly Daskal
  13. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams. ~Oprah Winfrey
  14. What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable. ~Author Unknown
  15. You can do anything, but not everything. ~Author Unknown
  16. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. ~Steve Jobs
  17. The starting point of all achievement is desire. ~Napoleon Hill
  18. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out. ~Robert Collier
  19. Greatness is achieved beyond your comfort zone. No one ever made their mark in life by taking the easy way every time. ~Roy Sutton
  20. Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. ~Les Brown
  21. The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus. ~Bruce Lee

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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