10 funny jokes guaranteed to have you howling with laughter

1. The Tiny Pianist

A guy walks into a New York bar pushing a small suitcase on wheels.

He takes a seat at the bar and then he begins to open the suitcase carefully.

With the suitcase open, he takes out the tiniest piano you’ve ever seen and places it on the bar. The bartender watches him, a little puzzled.

The guy then reaches back into the suitcase and takes out a tiny man. This little man is no taller than ten inches high and the guy then seats him at the tiny piano.

The tiny man then begins to play a piece by Chopin on the piano in a way that is both enchanting and absolutely beautiful.

The bartender walks up the guy and says “Gee, where did you get the tiny pianist? He’s brilliant.

The guy puts his hand back into his suitcase again and pulls out an old magic lamp, which he then hands to the bartender.

He says to the bartender, “Here, rub this and make a wish.

The bartender says, “Are you serious?

The guy says, “Sure, go ahead.

So the bartender rubs the lamp and says “I wish for a Million Bucks!

There is a loud ‘poof’ sound before a million ducks start marching into the bar.

The bartender looks at the man and says, “Buddy, I think your magic lamp is broken.

The guy looks at him, smiles then says, “Yeah, I know. You don’t really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist do you?

2. An Engineer Goes to Hell

An engineer dies and suddenly finds himself standing at the Pearly Gates, in front of Saint Peter who’s holding a clipboard.

Saint Peter takes a few moments to review his list and then says to the engineer, “I’m sorry old boy but you’re not on the list. That means you’ll have to go down below I’m afraid.

The engineer is a little disheartened but trudges off in search of the gates to Hell.

When he arrives in Hell he’s less than impressed. It’s hot, it’s smelly and it’s very miserable.

However being an engineer, he’s very resourceful. So immediately he decides to take action to improve his situation.

He realises that if he’s to be comfortable he must do something about the heat. So he decides to install air conditioning. Once he gets that working, everything cools down quite quickly and it’s all a little bit more pleasant.

Installing the air conditioning proved to be thirsty work but there aren’t any cold drinks. So the engineer decides to install refrigeration and before you know it everyone in Hell is able to relax with a cold beer.

When he’s got everyone cool and the beer cold, the engineer realises they don’t have any entertainment. So he decides to install cable television. Before you know it they’re all enjoying hundreds of television channels.

Suddenly life in Hell is getting quite pleasant and the engineer is becoming a popular guy. Well why wouldn’t he be? He’s constantly using his skills to make life better for everyone.

Anyway, one day, God has reason to phone the Devil. Needless to say, God can’t resist having a little fun at the Devil’s expense.

So how’s it all going down there Devil? Still hot and miserable?” says God.

To which the Devil replies, “Well actually things are great down here right now. Since you sent us that engineer we’ve been able to upgrade our facilities substantially.

God is annoyed and cannot conceal his irritation, saying, “What? You’ve got an engineer? How did that happen? There’s always a place for engineers up here in Heaven, we need their skills. There must be some mistake

Now it’s the Devil who feels he’s the one who can have a little fun and he responds with a laugh, “Well he’s here with us now and we’re pleased to have him.

Send him up here right now.” Says God,

The Devil’s having none of it, and he responds, “No way! We’re keeping him. He’s far too useful to let go.

God decides it’s time to apply a little pressure, so he says, “Look Devil, either you send him up here to me immediately or I’ll have no choice but to sue you!

The Devil falls about laughing and says, “Where will you find a lawyer?

3. The Bear and the Rabbit

A bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest.

They ran into a clearing and the bear chased the rabbit around a giant redwood tree where, as luck would have it, a genie lived.

The genie got so tired of the noise they were making that finally he came out and told them both that he would grant them both 3 wishes, if they’d just agree to go away and leave him in peace.

Naturally the pair agreed. Who wouldn’t want three wishes after all?

So, the bear said he’d go first. “I wish from now on that every bear in this forest is both female and very, very horny.

The genie granted him his wish.

The rabbit just grinned and simply asked for a motorcycle crash helmet.

The genie granted him his wish too. There was a ‘poof’ sound and then in the rabbit’s paw was a top of the range motorcycle crash helmet.

The bear was somewhat puzzled by the rabbit’s request but he continued nevertheless with his second wish. “I wish from now that on every bear in the whole country is both female and very, very horny!

The genie granted the bear his second wish.

Again the rabbit grinned and then he said that his second wish was for a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

This wish was granted too and again there was a ‘poof’ sound and suddenly there in the forest stood a gleaming Harley Davidson.

The rabbit jumped on the Harley; put his helmet on and then started gunning the hog.

The bear looked at the rabbit, smiled and said, “You must be the dumbest rabbit I’ve ever met!

It was time for the bear’s final wish, so he said, “I wish from now on that every bear in the whole world is both female and very, very horny!

The genie granted him his third and final wish. “Rest assured”, the genie said to the bear, “every bear you will ever meet from now on will be both female and very, very horny.

The bear looked very pleased with himself.

The genie then looked at the rabbit and said, “So, what’s your final wish?

The rabbit laughed out loud and said, “I wish that from now on the bear is gay.

With that the rabbit gunned the hog and disappeared into the sunset.

4. The Taxidermist

A guy walks into a redneck bar in Texas. A couple of cross-eyed, local boys are playing Dueling Banjos on their guitars, guns in holsters by their sides. Other mean-looking guys, similarly armed, are just sitting around, drinking and they start staring at the stranger in their midst. There’s tension in the air.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “What’ll it be, boy?

The guy says, “I’ll have a white wine spritzer, please.

The tension in the bar increases noticeably, the other customers are getting twitchy and hands start reaching for their guns.

The bartender looks at the stranger and says, “With a pussy drink like that I’m guessing you ain’t from around here are ya boy? Where ya from?

The guy says, “Well actually, I’m from Iowa.

The bartender frowns at him and says, “Iowa? And what the heck you do in Iowa boy?

The guy tries to lighten the tension with a smile and then he says, “I’m a taxidermist?

The bartender gives him a puzzled look and says, “You’re a taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist boy?

Starting to feel a bit nervous, the guy responds, “I mount animals.

The bartender grins and shouts out to everyone in the bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!

5. Two Accountants

Two accountants go to their local bank during their lunch break.

They’re both standing in line when suddenly four masked and armed robbers burst in through the door.

One of the robbers yells, “Don’t anyone move. We’ve got guns and we’ll use them. Cooperate and you won’t get hurt.

Two of the robbers then go to the counter with four very large but empty leather bags and one says to the tellers, “Fill these bags with cash and be quick about it.

While the tellers nervously fill the bags with cash, the other two robbers line all the customers, including the two accountants, up against a wall. One robber walks along the line waving his gun menacingly in their faces and he shouts, “Right I want your wallets, your cash, your watches, and any other valuables you’ve got and I want them all now. And if you don’t give me everything you’ve got I’ll shoot you dead!

As this is all going on one accountant stuffs something into the hand of his colleague.

Without looking down, his colleague whispers, “What’s this?

The accountant whispers back, “It’s that $50 I owe you.

6. Escaped Convict

A convict escapes from Folsom State Prison where he’s been locked up for 15 Years. He’s on the run and in need of food, money and a gun. So he decides to break into a house, where he thinks he might find at least some of these things. Walking along an affluent street he spots a house that he thinks looks perfect.

He forces the back door open and steps inside. As he wanders through the house, he finds a young couple in bed. The couple are startled and very frightened.

He orders the naked woman out of bed and ties her to a chair.

He then ties her husband to the bed.

The convict then goes back to the woman and straddling her lap, he puts his head close to the woman’s ear and whispers something before kissing her on the cheek. He then stands up and goes into their bathroom.

While the convict is in the bathroom, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he straddled your lap and kissed you on the cheek. He’s horny. If he wants sex, do whatever he asks of you. You mustn’t resist and don’t complain. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously dangerous. If he gets angry, he could kill us both. So be strong, honey. I love you!

There was a sigh of relief from the woman as she whispered back, “When he whispered in my ear, he told me he was gay and he said he thinks you’re really cute. He said he’s very horny and he wanted to know if we had any more condoms. I told him there were some in the bathroom cabinet. I knew you see reason honey. You be strong. I love you too and I appreciate the sacrifice you’ll be making.

7. Nicky the Thicky

Bill was a straight-A student at High School but 20 years later his career has been less than stellar. Still when he gets an invitation to a High School reunion he decides to go anyway. Well he figures he hasn’t seen any of his school buddies since those far off days and it might be fun at least to see how some of the class losers have gotten on since then. They might provide him with something to laugh at and feel good about himself.

When he arrives at the reunion the first guy he bumps into is Jack. This makes Bill a little bit apprehensive. Jack had been a friend of his at school but he’d also been voted the student most likely to succeed. So Bill figured that Jack must be the CEO of a large multinational corporate organization by now at least.

Well Jack’s career too had not quite lived up to expectations. He was now the manager of the local Credit Union. This might be a decent job but it’s hardly anything exceptional. Nevertheless it leaves Bill feeling a little bit more relaxed. Perhaps he hadn’t done so badly after all.

As Bill and Jack stand outside the entrance to their old High School, swapping stories about their lives since schooldays, suddenly a brand new Lamborghini Veneno roars into the parking lot. This is $5 million worth of supercar and Bill and Jack are stunned. Who could this be? Surely it couldn’t be one of their old classmates?

As they stand there open-mouthed, the car door opens and out steps Nicky. Now had there been a vote at school for the student least likely to succeed then Nicky would have won it by a country mile and then some. He really was thick, academically, and unsurprisingly his fellow students all knew him as ‘Nicky the Thicky’.

Bill and Jack could not understand how Nicky is doing so well. So they engage him in conversation to find out more.

Jack says to him, “Hey Nicky, that car’s awesome. How come you’re doing so well.

Nicky responds and says, “Well Jack, I couldn’t get job when I left High School so I started my own business.

So Bill says, “Wow Nicky, how come your business is so successful?

Nicky smiles and says, “Well I sell this really popular product which I can buy for $2 a pop and I can sell it for $5 a pop. And I can sell it by the truckload. You wouldn’t believe it. It’s amazing how much money you can make with a 3% mark-up.”

Bill and Jack exchange glances in stunned silence. Where did they both go wrong?

MORAL OF THE STORY: Lack of academic success at school is never a barrier to financial success in life. And academic success does not guarantee financial success.

8. The Indian Businessman

An Indian businessman, Rajesh Bhatia, walks into a bank in the City of London and asks to see the Loans officer.

Mr Bhatia explains that he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and he needs to borrow £5000.

The Loans officer says that, whilst it’s possible, the bank would need something substantial as security against the loan.

Mr Bhatia responds by saying he’d be happy to hand over the keys to his new Rolls Royce, which cost £250,000, as security against the loan.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Bhatia, “and I have all the necessary papers here.

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After which Mr Bhatia departs with his money, leaving the Loans officer, the bank’s manager and all their colleagues enjoying a good laugh at Mr Bhatia for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later Mr Bhatia returns from Europe, repays the £5000 as well as the interest, which comes to £16.81.

As he prepares a receipt, the Loans officer asks quizzically, “Sir, I must say, we’re all a little bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a very wealthy man and a multimillionaire. So why would you bother to borrow £5,000?

Mr Bhatia replies, “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £16.81?

9. The Rare Centipede

Whilst out hiking, a guy finds a rare but long and poisonous centipede.

The guy is amazed by what he’s found and naturally he wants to show this rare creature to his drinking buddies. So he captures the centipede and places it carefully in a ventilated box.

Once he gets it home, the guy decides he wants to take the centipede to his local bar immediately. So he taps on the box and says, “Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar with me and have a beer?

There’s no answer from the centipede.

The guy waits a few moments and then says, “What do you think? Would you like to go to my local bar and meet my buddies?

Again, there’s no answer.

Thinking the centipede can’t hear him, the man goes right up to the box this time and he yells, “Hey! Would you like to go to Jimmy’s Bar and have a drink with me?

A little voice comes out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m still putting my shoes on.

10. Collision Course

The captain of a large US naval aircraft carrier is on the bridge when on his radar he spots what he believes to be another vessel, with which his ship is now on a collision course.

The captain immediately gets on his open channel radio and says, “This is the USS Pittsburgh and you’re on a collision course with this ship. You must take immediate action and change course.

In response, the captain hears a man with a Spanish accent but speaking perfect English say, “No sir, I’m sorry but it’s your vessel that must change course.

The captain is irritated by this response and says, “This is Captain James Munroe, captain of the USS Pittsburgh, the largest ship in the US fleet. You are a maritime hazard sir and I will report you to the authorities unless you change course now.

There’s silence momentarily and then the captain hears the response, “This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Please Share the Fun

I hope these funny jokes really made you laugh dear reader. However perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here then please share these jokes with all  your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

Meetings can be frustrating when you’re the expert

If you’re in a professional role then meetings go with the territory, I’m sure you’ll agree? In fact meetings are probably the bane of your life, I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that too. Frequently you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and knowhow that no one else can offer, therefore the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and to keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise of course. However it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting thinking that somehow they know more than you. You’re asked for your opinion and then you’re immediately contradicted. Essentially you provide a considered response to a question and then immediately your opinion is dismissed. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the dangers of a particular approach. Does this sound familiar?

Well here’s a video for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious and it does nail an essential truth. People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh and it is well worth a few minutes of your time.

So did this video prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader? Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you. And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

Job Interview Tips: How to make an impression

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression. These days hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants. True they won’t interview them all but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them, if you’re to have any chance at all. Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips? If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon then naturally you’ll want a few pointers in how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget though, the impression you leave can be a good one but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile and I hope it brightens your day too.

Did this blog post help to you? Did you learn anything new? Perhaps it just made you smile? If for whatever reason you enjoyed it, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved

Modern Political Debate

In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age. Perhaps it never really existed at all. However the politically correct modern media has create a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless. An excellent example of this in the United Kingdom is the BBC’s Question Time.

Anyway that’s the way it is I guess. Nevertheless it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and political satire. So if like me you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might just enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse. It’s very funny and for me they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

Curation: Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

Jargon in Business

Jargon has always been common in every profession. However modern business takes jargon to another level completely. What I’m talking about here is business gobbledegook or corporate nonsense. Fashionable words, phrases and clichés that are used liberally but have no real meaning and fail to communicate anything worth hearing. We’ve all heard them and, if we’re honest, we ‘ve all used them at least occasionally. This video pokes fun at this corporate nonsense. It made me smile and I hope it will make you smile too. And remember, next time you’re about to sprinkle any of this jargon into your conversation, you’ll sound just like the people in this video. That’s not a good thing I’m sure you’ll agree.

If you’re ambitious and keen to climb the corporate ladder you might feel the need to learn more of this management speak. If so, you might take a look at The Little Book Of Management Bollocks which can be purchased from Amazon here. Again it was a source of amusement for me. Buy it now.

Curators: Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

Tony Blair at Work

Since leaving political office as UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair appears to have had some very highly paid jobs. And most of these appear to be jobs for which he had no obvious qualifications or expertise, e.g. Board roles in the City. A fair comment you think Dear Reader? Well that is for you to decide. To help you, in this amusing sketch Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse offer a satirical view of Tony Blair’s real value add. It made me smile and I hope it will make you smile too.

Curators: Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

Rhod Gilbert: The Frustrations of Travel

In this video the brilliant Rhod Gilbert shares his frustrations with an Australian audience. He’d travelled down under but not all of his baggage made it. This really made me laugh and I hope it will brighten your day too.

Curators: Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

Funny Commercials

I enjoy clever commercials. That means commercials that are memorable, funny and which link back to the product and it’s unique selling proposition. Here are a series of commercials for the culturally insensitively named chocolate bar Japp (a product made by the Mars company I believe) which tick all the boxes for me. These commercials made smile and I hope they will brighten your day too.

Curators: Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

4 Clever International Commercials

If life me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then you might enjoy these. They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

Curators: Roy J. Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited. 2017

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