15 Black Humor Jokes

Do you enjoy black humor? That is, humor with a slightly darker edge? Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but it can be very funny I think. Here are 15 black humor jokes which I hope will make you smile. None of these are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone.

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.


  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lose my job as a bus driver.


  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.


  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing. Quick get our daughter!


  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.


  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.


  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.


  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.


  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.


  • Finally I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.


  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.


  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dart board!


  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second hand shop.


  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?


  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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