21 Clever One Liners


In my post ‘Here are 21 brilliant one liners’ I promised I would share more of the funny one liners I’d manage to collect over the past few weeks.

Again I haven’t been able to identify the original authors, so I must classify them all as Author Unknown. However I’d be happy to add acknowledgements to each individual quote where readers are able enlighten me accordingly.

So if you know who wrote them originally please do let me know.

Today I’m sharing what I think are some clever one liners. Again they all made me smile, so I hope at least some of them make you smile too.

Here are the 21 clever one liners and I hope they brighten your day. Assuming they do then please share the post on social media. Please share the fun. If it makes you smile pass it on.

  1. Education is important but other stuff is more importanter.
  2. Arguing with your wife is unwise. Even if you win you lose.
  3. I can keep secrets, of course. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
  4. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  5. When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
  6. Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
  7. My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
  8. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
  9. You can’t make me do what you want me to do, you’re not my cat.
  10. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  11. The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.
  12. If you take away looks, money, intelligence, charm and success, there’s no difference between me and George Clooney.
  13. I really hate it when people ask for likes on social media. Like if you agree!
  14. You know you’re fat when you step on a ‘speak your weight’ scale and it says “one at a time please“.
  15. When I was at school 52% of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other 38%.
  16. My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
  17. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 siblings but they didn’t know either.
  18. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
  19. I got called pretty yesterday and it felt really good. Well the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying” but I like to focus on the positive.
  20. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t return then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
  21. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

I have yet another instalment of one liners to follow, so please be sure to check out tomorrow’s post when I will share them all with you.

Other Articles:

What is the key to success?

Visibility: Does it matter?

Life is short and it’s later than you think

Powerful words change lives

11 tips for improving quality of life

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2017. All Rights Reserved.


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